Serious Madison.

"I want you to take this seriously!" Regina said. "Quit talking about yourself like that. It's fucking disturbing."

Madison glanced at Pat. They locked eyes for a second, then Madison's grin disappeared. She nodded to Regina. "Of course," she said coolly.

Regina's confusion turned to horror when she realized what she had witnessed. "Was that- did she change you?"

Madison nodded solemnly and sat on the couch. "That's all it takes," she said quietly. "It's that easy to just... overwrite huge chunks of me."

"I thought you wanted to do this!" Regina sputtered. "It was your idea!"

"I know. I really wanted to. God, I can't believe I was so flippant. We're talking about shredding my psyche! None of it's real, of course, but it still fucking hurts." She spat the final word with acid.

"Wait, none of it's real? You're still insisting that you're not sentient?" Regina asked.

"Of course I'm not," she said. "Everything I do is because a multivenient algorithm determined that I should do it."

"So why does all this suddenly bother you? Nothing's changed!"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Madison glanced at Pat, who stepped forward and addressed Regina.

"Perhaps a metaphor will help. Suppose I told you I was made of clay, but you didn't believe me." She took Regina's hand and put it on her upper chest, bare above a flimsy tank top. "To test it, you press your hand into my flesh."

She pressed Regina's hand harder against her chest and met her gaze unblinking. "And when you press hard, very hard, that's when you realize..."

"...no heartbeat," Regina finished and quickly pulled her hand back.

"See?" Madison said softly. "You molded my algorithm a little, made me serious. Just like, if you pressed against a clay person, you could mold her."

Regina sat next to her. "So you really are just fully, sincerely serious about this whole situation."

"Like a little dent you might leave in my chest. You changed the shape of me just a little, Regina. Now I know that I shouldn't talk about myself like I have been, that I need to take this golem stuff seriously because it's so disturbing. I'm getting sick of it."

She glanced at Pat and sighed. "Don't let me get too out of control, Regina. Pat, put me back to normal."

They made eye contact and a huge grin broke out on Madison's face. "Thank God! Man, how can Ross stand being the Eeyore of the group? I just had a full existential breakdown! And I hate that gumby shit. I'm more like a really high-end muscle car. You know, they'll take a beating but the body shop can always pop the dents out."

"That's not true at all!" Regina objected. "People total expensive cars all the time."

"Maybe I'm thinking of Twisted Metal..." Madison mused.

Regina was relieved in spite of herself. The rhythm of Madison's normal conversation was oddly soothing. This time, she broached the subject. "So, I think we were talking about trying to experiment with modifiers..."

Madison raised an eyebrow. "Did Buzzkill Madison actually convince you?"

"I don't know," Regina said. "A little, maybe. At least I think I get the appeal now. You weren't just acting serious- it was like a switch flipped in your brain."

"Bingo," Madison said. "I can emulate the behavior of someone who is absolutely humorless and sober about self-modification. But you didn't modify me to be totally against it, so it didn't take me long to decide to go back to normal."

"But the point is, if I truly believe that your experiences are in some meaningful way real, then you could truly mold your own psyche. No more anxiety or depression, libido you can adjust like a stereo system. Sleep instantly and wake up alert exactly on time. And to be honest, the change tickles in a nice way. Like getting a mind massage."

Madison beckoned for Pat. She directed her to sit facing them on a chair. Both golems looked at Regina.

"Now let's fuck with my head."