Second chance

"Okay," I breathe out. "Let's do this."

Two hours later, Tracey and I are walking through the same door I entered that morning. Thankfully, Dennis is nowhere to be found. I'm not sure I could face him again. Instead, his desk is manned by a young woman.

"Hello, welcome to your sexual assessment," she says as we walk up to her. She looks up, notices two bodies instead of one. "Are you together?"

"We sure are!" Tracey says enthusiastically, pulling me into a tight hug. I can smell the conditioner in her dark brunette hair. "Looking to spice up our sex life a little, aren't we, babe?"

"What are you playing at?" I whisper to her, but she smiles back, saying nothing.

"Regardless, I need to see some ID," says the woman. "Then you can have a seat." Tracey and I hand over our licenses. "Great! So...Ms. Merrywether, Ms. Constable, I'm Katie, and I'll be performing your assessment. Let's see...couple's form...that'll be an S361... No, wait! An S361b." She pulls the appropriate set of papers from a desk drawer.

The questions start out basic--our names, ages, weights, hair color, that sort of thing. Then they start to become more bizarre. Do I floss my teeth daily? Has Tracey ever dreamed about a sexual encounter with Santa Claus? How many cans of tuna are we currently stockpiling in our kitchen? Some of the questions presuppose a relationship between the two of us, and Tracey answers these with smooth fabrications. I wonder if I should interject, but I decide I've already made a fool of myself enough for today.

"Okay," says Katie, "you've reached the end of the assessment. I need to take these answers to the back room for a while. If you don't mind waiting here, I'll be back within an hour."

"Sure," says Tracey, responding for both of us.

"What was that?" I ask when Katie has disappeared behind a door in the wall.

"What?"

"Those lies you told--won't they throw off the results of the assessment? Who knows what we could be stuck with!"

"Thrilling, isn't it?" says Tracey, her eyes sparkling. I'd forgotten what a joker she could be.