Scheherazade

"Look Lehe! We can also be pretentious in our chapter titling... That you still technically wrote and came up with the title for..." Dahlia gloats, slowly deflating as realization sets in.

The two Tower Functionaries are now much to Dahlia's chagrin set up in a desert. The Tomb of The Restless, a large ornate pyramid is set up as a background to them, the two of them positioned on the crest of a dune in front of the Tomb entrance. The sun just barely cresting over the capstone of the pyramid.

The two of them are once again sat on a pair of beach chairs, with a large parasol shading them. Both are dressed now in thobes, modeled after traditional Bedouin women's clothing. Alide is wearing a white thobe with light red bands of decoration while Dahlia is wearing a black thobe with blue bands. Both have uncovered faces, but do have their hair covered.

"Is this cultural appropriation do you think?" Alide questions as Dahlia lays back in her chair with her arms crossed.

"Probably, I don't know... All I know is this is comfortable clothing that keeps me relatively cool in the desert. If someone complains we'll change to something else... Maybe copy some archaeologist outfit... I think I could look good in a canvas shirt and cargo shorts," Dahlia responds her arms still crossed.

"You seem upset-" Alide starts.

"Of course I'm upset! We're in the desert! Surrounded by... Sand..." Dahlia yells throwing her hands up.

"Don't-" Alide starts, but is cut off again.

"I don't like sand! It's rough and coarse and it gets everywhere!" Dahlia yells and Alide moves her hand to her forehead exasperated.

"Ignoring the memetic reference, we were just on a beach, a sandy beach and you were enjoying that," Alide argues.

"Well that's good sand!" Dahlia replies frustratingly.

"You are impossible..." Alide groans.

"At the very least we could have been inside the Tomb or something... But no we're out here on a dune!" Dahlia continues ranting, waving her arms about aggressively.

"Would you prefer we were inside the Hungry Sands?" Alide asks and Dahlia covers her face with her hands.

"Ugh don't remind me, please..." Dahlia groans.

"Anyway we are here to do a job, so let's get to work," Alide remarks, creating a screen and beginning to search for where they were.

"More like let's start doing the job, pause for a break and then get back to it a year or so later..." Dahlia mumbles.

"Quite possibly," Alide agrees and then taps the screen, "right here we are,"

"So, the ring wants Arthur to get a spellbook that used to belong to the... spirit inhabiting the ring I suppose? There's a number of weird things going on with the formatting here. The Rings dialogue is in bold while Arthur's is normal, but the bolding is occasionally missing from the Ring's dialogue in some places and while the removal of quotation marks around Arthur's speech is just to imply that he's not talking out loud, one of his sentences is suddenly in Italics which I think is supposed to imply something, but I'm not sure what exactly," Dahlia mutters as she reads the chapter.

"the spellbook is apparently being held at a place called Goldrings and Book which is presumably a bank. The name is fine, honestly, nothing amazing like some of the earlier names, but the idea the ring's book is at a place called Goldrings and Book is too on the nose to not be intentional, right?" Alide notes.

"Anyway they go and find that the book is missing, much to the ring's... complete and utter horror and rage apparently as he seems to deal legitimate psychic damage to Arthur and cause him to bleed from multiple parts of his face... Like god damn..." Dahlia recounts.

"Lexx helping clean Arthur's face of blood is cute in a weirdly macabre way and I do find the Dwarf Bank Guard's stunned horror at the whole event, pretty funny," Alide acknowledges.

"The ring appears to be sulking and won't answer Arthur's question and we get a short chapter just dedicated to Arthur trying and failing to talk to the ring and then deciding to go ask Dany and going to her office... That's the whole chapter..." Dahlia remarks.

"Yes indeed... the previous two chapters also consisted of not much... The ring telling Arthur to get the book was the entirety of the first chapter we read and Arthur arriving at the bank, finding the book gone and suffering from the Ring's anger was the entirety of the second chapter. These three chapters have been strangely short and not devoid, but lacking in content," Alide confirms.

"I mean I don't hate this story or anything, but I still won't turn my nose up at short chapters, that means we can get through this faster," Dahlia notes.

"The next chapter is a bit longer and introduces us to Dany's secretary who is a Beholderkin, which apparently is just a human with eye stalk hair instead of Medusa hair and a single eye on their face instead of two as far as I can tell... I mean she sounds kind of cute, no problem with this, just was kind of expecting something more exciting, I mean her odd coloration and the jet black limbs giving her the appearance of thigh high stockings is a nice touch, but I feel like having a beholder holds so much more potential," Alide says.

"Wait is this what Marcie and the other one were talking about when they said Arthur fucked an eye? This?!" Dahlia asks sounding outraged.

"I think so..." Alide responds.

"They were getting bent out of shape over Arthur fucking an otherwise completely normal woman with extra eyes? Fucking lightweights..." Dahlia complains.

"Anyway... We got sidetracked and forgot to mention what actually happened in the chapter which is that Dany is once again an evil and manipulative woman whom we love as she has instructed her secretary to practice being nice if Arthur ever showed up asking for her... and has explained that the best way to be nice to someone is a nice pat on the shoulder of gentle comradery... which you may note means that Dany set it up so that this woman would upon seeing Arthur specifically try to touch him..." Alide explains.

"Dany is such a bitch... I love her so much," Dahlia swoons.

"Anyway of course she touches him and he gets to work reluctantly making her another member of his harem. His instructions in this case are... probably not a great idea, essentially making her intentionally antagonistic with the rest of his harem, I think the idea is that her beholder traits mean she wouldn't have accepted any position even under mind control where she was just part of the harem, so making her be antagonistic to the rest of the harem and eager for the top spot is a way around her own ego, but even Arthur in story realizes this might turn out terribly," Alide notes.

"The scene of him teasing her while hypnotizing her is pretty hot though I mean she's a pretty cute character in general. I mean while there were probably more interesting ways to go with the idea of a beholderkin, there probably weren't many sexier ways..." Dahlia argues and Alide shrugs.

"Reading the next chapter where she tries to forcefully ask him out on a date and he turns her down stating he already had plans for Cheryl does draw into stark relief what just happened..." Alide mentions and Dahlia looks confused for a moment, re-reading the page and then laughs.

"Holy shit he just made her a Yandere!" she declares and Alide nods.

"Oh that's so funny... His Harem is so fucked and he's just... Okay with it... He didn't even add any caveats about not being violent... I mean he did make her goal to seduce her rivals instead of kill them, or anything, but still... My god..." Dahlia continues.

"Yeah not going to lie... This has a lot of very interesting potential ways it can go and I'm legitimately kind of excited," Alide admits.

"Arthur continues to be kind of a dick though since he essentially just set his new yandere harem member on Cheryl with very little remorse. He's going to find a severed snake tail in his bed," Dahlia comments with a grin.

"Anyway ignoring that for the moment Arthur has a video call with the CEO of the company he works for now and as the video call starts, Lexx has decided to remove his pants and start sucking his cock. This is quite the conundrum, though I'm a little confused, especially by this line, 'Lexx conceded, mostly because Arthur hadn’t told her not to.' what exactly is this supposed to mean? To concede usually means to surrender or give up, what is she giving up or surrendering? I am legitimately unsure if this is a mistake on Dickman's part or I am just sincerely failing to understand something obvious," Alide explains.

"Oh hey you're a bad reviewer..." Dahlia says.

"Yes I know... So... My mistake and things are a bit more clear. For some reason I had assumed Lexx was the one doing the cocksucking, but it wasn't... It was Mata, the line about Lexx conceding was referring to Lexx allowing Mata to open Arthur's pants which I had somehow forgotten were themselves actually Lexx since Lexx is all of Arthur's clothes. So, yes that was in fact me just failing to understand something obvious... Is Lexx even green? I can't remember, but for some reason when the text said small green hands, I just did not consider the possibility of it being the goblin..." Alide admitted, clearly ashamed.

"In your defense with the amount in the last few chapters that Lexx has just been acting autonomously it wasn't out of the question for it to have been Lexx, but it wasn't and you literally commented on something that was clarified basically a sentence later, bad reviewer!" Dahlia teases.

"Yes y-" Alide starts, but is interrupted.

"BAD!" Dahlia repeats and Alide sighs.

"Anyway... Arthur cums in Mata's throat and Mata invites him to meet her parents... WOAH WACKY SITCOM HIJINKS... BUT WITH MORE SEX!" Alide says and then coughs, "sorry... that just slipped out..." she says looking mortified.

"There's another side story we're going to ignore of course and so it's time to meet Mata's Parents," Alide continues.

"Bet on whether Arthur accidentally hypnotizes Mata's mom?" Dahlia asks.

"Normally I'd say no chance, but Dickman has surprised me a few times by dodging the most obvious outcome so... Against my better judgment you're on," Alide agrees.

"Okay so not actually going to meet them just yet instead we have a bit of dialogue with Mata and she's actually sort of showing some vulnerability admitting to having some selfish desires and feeling potentially guilty over it. Arthur has a moment where he considers telling her the truth and big shock... the Ring hypnotizes him seemingly, convincing him not to! Like oh shit the ring can hypnotize Arthur?! That's a pretty big reveal!" Dahlia announces and Alide looks thoughtful.

"What?" Dahlia asks.

"I'm trying to remember if this is actually a reveal or it has happened before and we just forgot..." Alide admits.

"Well I don't remember it so big reveal for me at least!" Dahlia responds angrily.

"Mata apparently told her parents she was bringing a boyfriend before asking Arthur..." Alide notes, "at least I think that's the implication?"

"What a little scamp... Arthur should punish her for that... Just bend her over and..." Dahlia says starting to trail off and then after a few seconds she squirms, "fuck I'm unsure how to reach my cunt in this outfit!" Alide ignores her and moves on.

"So... we meet Mata's mother, and Mata's ex she's trying to make jealous, a mission that seems extremely successful right off the bat. Mata's mom goes in for a hug almost losing me my bet, but it gets interrupted saving me and Arthur from awkwardly having to explain his hypnosis powers to Mata's entire family," Alide explains.

"So... Mata's sister seemed to try and steal Arthur and as a result got herself hypnotized immediately... Hilarious... Also Am I going to lose this fucking bet? God damn it Dickman, it's because she's older isn't it? You don't want Arthur to fuck the mom, fucking milfphobic piece of s-" Dahlia starts, but Alide cuts her off.

"Anyway Arthur uses this hypnosis to get vengeance for Mata, by having Kena become essentially a dominatrix and turn her boyfriend, Mata's ex into a cuck apparently. given the hypnosis is only affecting her, not sure how well that will work out, more likely he'll just leave her when she starts getting aggressive, but I mean that works out either way I guess..." Alide explains.

"Also again with that little bit of racism and **** racial self-hatred of making Kena disgusted with tiny goblin cocks and only wanting big non-goblin cocks, but at this point that's just expected," Dahlia adds, seemingly over her ranting.

"I am going to say, forcing her to apologize to Mata and admit to her jealousy makes sense, even ruining her relationship with Mata's ex makes sense as a way to punish both of them..." Alide starts then stops, "to clarify since I don't think we made it clear... Mata's sister Kena, stole her ex-Gleenick from her and that is why Mata brought Arthur to meet her family," Alide clarifies and then continues, "anyway so as punishment for that those actions make sense, but I feel like this goes a bit disproportionate... I mean once again he is essentially ruining someone's life and ensuring they never have any other satisfying relationships, outside of possibly him and like I guess this time there's something of a motivation which arguably makes it less awful than when he does it just out of selfishness... I think... I might have lost my train of thought here..." Alide admits after a few seconds.

"This is a bit more justified than usual, but Arthur is still kind of a dick," Dahlia bluntly summarizes and Alide nods.

"Yes, thank you," she responds with gratitude.

"Anyway you lucky slut... Looks like it's not going to happ-" Dahlia starts and then stands up and cheers, "HA DICKMAN I KNEW YOU COULDN'T RESIST! RIGHT AT THE END! FUCK YES! HE DID IT HE HYPNOTIZED MATA'S MOM! IN YOUR FACE, ALIDE!" Dahlia cheers and Alide sighs.

"Yes indeed... Just as the meeting was wrapping up, Mata's mother, Hama, touched Arthur to give him a goodbye hug and Mata saw it happen. Arthur quickly put her into a trance, but still this is a situation!" Alide explains.

"FUCK THE SITUATION! YOU LOST THE BET! THAT'S WHAT MATTERS NOW!" Dahlia yells excitedly.

"Speaking of.. what were we betting for?" Alide asks, crossing her arms and smiling.

"I... We... Uh..." Dahlia stutters deflating as she realizes they never set any stakes.

"I think we'll end here at this cliffhanger and continue next time," Alide announces.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!" Dahlia screams.