Scene 14

Jackson sat in the lobby of a doctor's office with a clipboard in his lap. Kimmy had sort of gotten him an appointment with one of the two doctors that someone in the HR department had recommended. All he had to do was fill out the new patient form and then just sit there and wait till they would be free to see him. Jackson hadn’t even bothered to contact Dunn to see if it was okay, he couldn’t risk the man saying no. That would be a problem for another time, right now Jackson sat with perfect posture thanks to the tight corset, one black pantyhose covered leg crossed over the other at the knee as he tapped the black pen on the side of the clipboard, while his eyes stared at the very first question on the form and his problem. Patients Name.

Thanks to the fiasco at work the government knew him as Jacqueline, the therapist he talked to thought he wanted to transition to be a girl and that was the only way he was going to get something to calm his frayed nerves. Even sitting here now he felt the urge to pull the hem of the red wrap dress down, but resisted after realizing all that did was pull the neck down on the dress exposing more of the realistic, but fake breasts.

“My life is a mess.” He whispered to himself wishing he could just write down Jackson on the line, that was who he was, not… not what everyone saw. Putting pen to paper Jackson wrote the first letter of his name, his hand pausing, feeling like writing the feminine name would be betraying himself, like writing it on the form made it more real.

Hearing the front door slide open Jackson looked up to see a thirty something woman that had a haggard appearance with a young boy in tow. Jackson would guess ten, but he was never good with ages for kids. Jackson’s eyes met the boys for a second before he turned to his mother as they moved up to the front counter. “Mom, she is really pretty!” Jackson dry swallowed as the mother shushed her child, giving him an apologetic smile. Moving his attention away from the two as quickly as he could, Jackson went back to the form, writing his new feminine name down. Feeling both embarrassed and the need to see the doctor as soon as he could.

* * * *

It took little over an hour for Jackson to be sitting in the exam room on the exam table with the doctor, the wait back in the room was more than long enough for his nerves to calm. But what could he do about it, as they were squeezing him in as a last minute appointment.

The wait gave him some time to reflect and steady himself. ‘This is it, just tell him what he wants to hear, get a thirty day supply and maybe have to see him once more before all of this is over.’ Jackson thought as the door opened and in stepped a lanky bald man little over six feet tall in a white coat.

“Good morning, Ms. Hart. I’m Dr. Allen.” The man said looking down at his chart, a smile coming to his face seeing the person sitting in front of him. “Feel free to call me Keith. What can I do for you today?”

Pressing his lips together and off to the side Jackson looked down from the doctors blue eyes and down the metal clipboard in his hand. “You can call me Jacqueline or Jackie.” Jackson shook his head, Jackie was familiar thanks to his sister using it, but she did it to tease him and he had always hated it. “Just… just Jacqueline.” If the doctor was giving his first name Jackson wanted to do the same to be on the man’s good side. “My therapist called, didn’t she say what I was here for?”

Keith looked down back to the notes and then back up. “Your counselor spoke to one of my nurses. What I see here is that you are ready for HRT and want something to help with your anxiety. They suggested Zoloft because of how you were taking Xanax. Hmmm.” Keith looked back up from the paperwork examining the pretty transgendered woman in front of him. He did his best to push down his personal feelings seeing her nylon clad leg bouncing as she sat there in front of him. “I do not like to waste anyone's time, you obviously are well on your way to living the life you like. I am considering four medications today, Aldactone, Estradiol and Lexapro and Samsca. The Samsca is to help with blood sodium levels as Aldactone and Lexapro can have a reaction to lower your blood sodium levels, but we can keep an eye on that in the follow up. Funny enough the hormone medication Estradiol can also help with your mood. It tends to help serotonin stay around longer once released so it pairs nicely with the Lexapro. The Lexapro is what I plan to give you instead of the Zoloft. That medication tends to cause weight gain and I’m just guessing here, but I’m betting that isn’t something you want.”

Sitting there letting the doctor go on Jackson had no idea what he was really talking about. He knew serotonin was one of the chemicals released by his brain and by the context he was guessing that was the happy one. “Umm no, girlish figure and all that. So the Lexa is in place of the Xanax?”

The doctor nodded, jotting down some notes on the paperwork. “Indeed, I’m going to prescribe two milligrams of Lexapro two to three times a day or as needed, but I need you to understand that you are not to go over ten milligrams in one day, so no more than five pills throughout the day. The medication is a little slower to start working than Xanax, but its effects should last longer. Now about the others…”

“I got it doc! I mean Keith.” Jackson gave the man a smile, well aware he had been looking at his legs. One part of his brain thought it was amusing how much attention he garnered dressed like a girl, he always hated being ignored. While he had more than once told his sister she should take it as a compliment when men looked at her, he wasn’t nearly as keen on the belief when it was directed at him.

“Ah, I take it you are familiar with Aldactone and Estradiol then?” He couldn’t help returning the smile that was directed his way. He hadn’t always been so open minded about people transitioning from one gender to the next, but this patient was a prime example of what he had grown to believe. Some people really were meant to be someone else, he couldn’t imagine Jacqueline living life pretending to be a man.

“Yep, I got it!” Jackson smiled brighter hoping he would just get one with it.

“Well then one last thing. The paperwork mentions your current breast forms, how you chose the size because that is what you would like to have?”

Jackson looked down at his chest, cupping the things in his hands. ‘Stupid Maddy, these things are way too heavy, how do girls stand it?’ Pressing his lips together for a partial second he let out a sigh. “That is what I tell everyone. Honestly it is really a pain to have something so heavy glued to my chest. It is hard to believe girls grow them bigger.” Jackson emphasized his words, holding his cupped hands a little further from his fake chest. “But the HRT thing will help me with that so I don’t have to wear them anymore. Right? That is what Kimmy said.”

Keith thought for a second bobbing his head from left to right, trying to not oggle the girl as she cupped her chest at him. “Yes and no. It will, but maybe not the size you are talking about. Those are what, a D cup? What we have you on isn’t going to help that much with a D cup or double D and it can take time.”

“Time?” Jackson slapped his hands down on the table feeling irritated. He needed to find a way to speed things up and get released from having to have breasts glued to him. Kimmy had something about mileage may vary, but he really didn’t understand why. Then he figured he could use some sex appeal to convince the doctor to help him clear whatever bureaucratic hurdles would slow down his release. After all, guys do shit for girls all the time to impress them…he knows that he has, and why wouldn’t the doctor now?

“Honestly… Keith.” Jackson smiled at him again, reaching out, touching him lightly. His attempts at trying to act flirty caused his stomach to roll. But thought that the doctor must think Jackson is pretty as he keeps looking at my legs. “I don’t want to wear these anymore, isn’t there something we can do that would be faster?”

“Yes of course, but it all depends on availability, and it isn’t exactly cheap. I can check with…” He glanced down at the paperwork again. “Your company's insurance and get back to you later today.”

“That would be amazing Keith!”

When the doctor left the room Jackson felt amazing. He always knew he was a good salesman and now he had sold the guy moving things faster. Now he just had to sit there and wait for the nurse to return with the medications from their in house pharmacy. He smiled contentedly as he looked around the room, his mind picking up on something he hadn't thought about before. ‘I can just take the stupid forms off any time I want… mental note need to take the remover away from Maddy. What exactly did Kimmy and the good doctor Keith mean by HRT helping? I really need to look it up.’

Taking his small purse Jackson pulled his cell phone out and tried doing a search, but the bar just kept showing it was loading without ever actually pulling up the page. The icon in the upper right of the screen showed he had no reception in the room. With that and a sign saying no cell phone use on the wall it made him wonder if they blocked it or if it was just the way the room was made.

The thought didn’t go on long as the door opened again and an older lady, maybe in her late fifties or early sixties dressed in scrubs came into the room with a small tray in hand.

“Ms Hart, I have some medications for you to take now.” She held out a small paper cup with three pills inside. “Go ahead and take those with this water.”

Jackson held the small paper cup in his hand, so happy that he would soon have the relaxing anti-anxiety medication working to calm his nerves, that he didn’t even mind seeing his painted fingernails holding the cup. Jackson tossed back the pills, barely gagging on them, and quickly washing them down with the room temperature water.

“Is that for me?” He asked, pointing to the white paper bag she had put down on the counter. Eager to have his own prescription and get on with his day.

“Yes, that is your Lexapro, Aldactone and your Samsca. The directions are on the bottles, make sure you take them all. The Estradiol we will do here, if you would please hop on down, pull up your dress and pull down your hose and you will be on your way shortly.”

“Pull up my dress?!” Jackson’s eyebrows shot up, as he stood up, blinking a little at the request. He realized the request was technically true, as he was in a dress. But his brain disliked associating anything girly with possessive wording as if it were normal and routine to refer to his feminine attire and accessories.

“Yes dear, so you can have your injection. We will follow up on this, so you can come in two weeks from now for some blood work and your second shot.”

Jackson was a little annoyed that he would need more appointments, but if this would stop him from having panic attacks and control his anxiety until he could get free from this, it is what he was willing to do.

“The estradoll is that the thing Keith, I mean the doctor said that will make the serotonin last longer right?” Jackson followed the nurse's hand gesture to turn around and leaning over using the exam table for support, he used one hand to hike up his dress and the other to pull down the control top pantyhose, exposing the top of his right buttock.

“Estra-DYE-ol dear,” the nurse corrected his mispronunciation as she swabbed an area with a cold **** swab. “…and if that is what the doctor said I’m not going to contradict him. I’m not familiar with the side effects.”

Jackson felt the chilling effect of the **** exposed skin reacting to the air, and took a breath anticipating the pain of a needle. It was embarrassing to have this woman inject a mental health **** in such a feminine manner, why couldn’t it be done by pill or in his arm instead?

The nurse, unaware of his shame and internal thoughts continued, “…but I do know that this is going to elevate the free estrogen in your body.”

“Estrogen!” Jackson’s eyes bugged out as he felt prick to his rear and a faint dull cramping spread from the site. ‘Oh my god, estrogen!?’ he thought to himself.

“There all set miss,” the nurse said with a reassuring smile, as Jackson instinctively let the dress fall back in place. Jackson turned and wanted to demand answers, but the happy face of the nurse just dumbfounded him.

She continued again, “You can check out at the third window, and set your next appointment there…here are the disclosures for each of the ****, you have to be very careful and use them only as prescribed, as your body can have traumatic shock, blood clots, and more if you don’t follow the directions correctly.”

With paper in hand, he went to the window to check out. One dose couldn’t be fatal, could it? He nervously read some of the papers, worrying about things like sterilization and more. But saw that if he was on estrogen and not a testosterone blocker, it could cause severe complications, and in the worst case, even **** was a possibility. Pressing his painted lips together he looked from the paperwork in hand, up to the person on the phone at the check out window. Then promptly turned and headed for the exit, he got what he needed here today and something much, much worse and was not going to do it again. ‘I certainly will not be going back to do that again!’ he thought clutching the disclosure and informed consent paperwork. He wished he could forget the whole ordeal, but the mild pain from the injection reminded him. Jackson could scarcely believe how it all unfolded. He felt sick, and the day wasn’t even over.