Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) read Marcie & Gina read "Bad Sex" by Zeebop...Again

On the screen, the dark-haired young woman was gagged, her wrists tied together over a tree branch over her head, a bar attached to her ankles kept her legs apart. She was naked, though the dappled shadows across her small breasts showed it was daytime, and the blonde woman with the glasses had tied a long rope around the tree about at waist height—a rope she now passed between the bound woman's legs, so that the line could be drawn up taut against the shaven cunny. The blonde made a gesture, and whoever was operating the camcorder stumbled in for the closeup.

On the bed, Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) sat next to each other on the bed. Like the figures on the screen, they were also naked, pillows piled up between them so neither could touch the other. Hands rubbed absently at their genitals as they watched the amateur theatrics on mutual masturbation night.

"Look, I don't like it either," Sam (♀) said, rubbing at her crotch with her left hand while pecking at the tablet with her right. "But you know the rules. If we don't touch each other, it isn't ****."

"I can still hear you," Sam (♂) muttered, his self-stimulation reduced to rubbing two fingers against the underside of his glans as her saw the bound woman on the screen go up on her tip-toes. "What's the point of this exercise if neither of us is enjoying it?"

"It's called 'Bad Sex,' not 'Great Sex,' or 'Hot Sex,' or 'Rub Your Clit Off With A Belt Sander Sex,'" Sam (♀) answered. "If the brain is the largest erogenous zone in the body, then our story is the most febrile masochistic impulse on this entire site that doesn't feature scat or break the rules. This isn't about happy endings, or women getting cut in half cuntwise with chainsaws, and it sure as hell isn't about getting off. It's about that terrible desperation to get off and what it drives people to do, even when they know better."

Whoever was operating the camera had moved to grab the end of the rope between the bound woman and the tree. There was a brief, frightened glance of those furious eyes, and then the camera dipped down between her legs. The puffy labia was utterly hairless, as though someone had plucked it, and someone else had kept it that way. The rope began to be dragged back and forth, scraping the labia, the pale body stiffening and shaking, and not entirely in pleasure. It looked like a coarse rope.

“Congrats, dickgirl-guy, over hundred stories in and this is the most disgusting description of a cunt I ever had the misfortune to read.”

"I just don't know if they've quite grasped that point," Sam (♂) said with a sigh. He leaned over the pillows.

"Hey, no peeking!" Sam (♀) said. "Anyway, they did understand some of it. Really hard to be disgusting in new and different ways."

“What’s a GILF?”

"I actually thought that one came out well," Sam (♂) said.

"You would. No sequel unless you have a cold date with Grandma in the morgue," Sam (♀) pointed out.

Sam (♂) winced. "Don't give Zeebop ideas. Been talking about a sequel already. Then he might have to get these two back to review it again."

Sam (♀) smiled wickedly. On screen, the arrangement had changed again. Now the blonde was wrapping the free end of the rope around the cameraman's waist, like the anchor in tug-of-war...and yes, now she was ditching her pants and shirt, wearing nothing but her bra and panties as she lifted one leg to straddle the rope, facing the bound brunette. The camera backed up, and the rope went taut between both their legs, the blonde smiling as she groped the other woman's breasts, pressed her lips against the gag...the bound woman unable to grope back, the cameraman unable to do anything but watch as the rope rubbed their pussies.

“Everything in this fucking story is a trap.”

"It's true," Sam (♂) said. "I mean, not literally. Not until Zeebop brings in Sam (⚥). Trans-seeking-man, trans-seeking-woman, trans-seeking-trans...I guess there's room for that kind of expansion."

Sam (♀) grunted inaudibly, her fingers digging into her pussy a little as she watched the one-sided makeout of the blonde and the bound woman on screen. "If that is the case, we might need a bigger bed to do these review responses."

Naturally you expect Lipstick on a Pig to be about someone overweight

"Jesus fucknutting Christ, do these two cuntthirsty sluts seriously not know what lipstick on a pig means!?" Sam (♀) growled. "It's a common fucking idiom!"

"Now, now. Not everyone knows what that means," Sam (♂) said. "Just like not everyone has heard of urethral intercourse."

"That's information I could have done without," Sam (♀) said with a wince. "If Zeebop does do a sequel, I hope you end up dealing with some docking. Or maybe shove a pencil down your urethra and make you write a sonnet."

Let’s go with the micropenis.

"First time anyone's picked that option in a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure," Sam (♂) said. His was ignoring the screen now, where the blonde had gathered in a length of loose rope and was trying to shove it up the bound woman's bald cunt. The camera was inching closer and closer with voyeuristic intensity.

My apologies, I needed a moment to wrap my head around what was happening in the story.

"It is nice to see some appreciation for how difficult it is to line up and describe events which are anatomically possible but not recommended by the Surgeon General," Sam (♀) said dryly. On the screen, lights had begun to flash. The camera turned suddenly to show the blues and twos of a police cruiser. Almost immediately, the camera was dropped, the blonde and the cameraman struggling out of the rope and running away, leaving the naked, bound woman helpless as the cops approached, the camera on its side but still recording.

Your about to have some bad sex Gina.

Sam (♀) and Sam (♂) chuckled together.

"Well now," Sam (♀) said. "That sounds like a promise."