S2-ENF-018 - MAGIC

“Hey,” said Thelma. It was several weeks later, and Thessaly’s global time stop prank rampage was finally beginning to slow down. “I have a couple of questions.”

“Shoot,” said Emilia. The two girls were strolling through the busy corridors of Research Facility 1-A, deep in important scientific conversation, moving past laboratory doors and signs saying “Warning! Experiment In Progress. Do Not Disturb.” Fluorescent lights shone on polished floors. The halls bustled with researchers, lab techs, administrators, security officers and all sorts of other miscellaneous staff - some engaged in vitally important efforts to preserve the fabric of reality as we know it, others just on their way to get lunch.

“Okay, first question. How come more people don’t know we exist?”

“We’re top secret.”

“I know, but how? Shouldn’t the citizens of the world be more curious about all the strange paranormal events? I mean, it’s only last week that a former prime minister of Finland was stripped completely naked on stage at the UN while she was giving a speech on the importance of women’s rights.”

“Nobody cares about Finland.”

“Okay, but hasn’t it occurred to anyone to wonder why Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ pants keep disappearing? Wait, do you think Thessaly is trying to make some kind of political statement about the inability of socialism to provide basic commodities like clothing?”

“Probably not. I think she just thinks AOC is hot and wants to see her naked.”

“Fair enough. Anyway, why doesn’t anybody ever suspect supernatural causes? Do we implant subliminal messages in world media telling them not to think about it?”

Emilia, her mouth full, shrugged and swallowed. “I don’t think so,” she said. “Maybe it’s magic.”

“Magic?”

“Or some kind of weird anomaly or something. You know what I mean.”

“I guess,” said Thelma, a little doubtfully. “Isn’t that a little unsatisfying, though? Can you really just use magic to handwave away every inconsistency in the world we live in?”

“Why not? There’s a lot of it around.”

“Which brings me to my next question. Why don’t we ever get used to being embarrassed?”

“What do you mean?”

“How many times have you been caught naked in public?”

“I don’t have to answer that question,” said Emilia, blushing bright red. “It’s a very rude and inappropriate question.”

“But that’s exactly my point. Between all the ghosts, time warps, tentacle monsters, evil toys, subliminal messages, telekinetics, living nightmares, psychics, clowns, dream controllers, space aliens, lost bets, lost cities, pocket dimensions, omnipotent demons from beyond reality, haunted houses, cosmic mindfreaks and practical jokes by Dr. Blithe, you must have been seen naked by hundreds of thousands of people over the course of your illustrious career.”

“So what? Who cares? Why are we even talking about this? Shut up!”

“Yet every time it happens, you still feel exactly as humiliated as you did when Dr. Blithe zapped you with N-rays on your very first day. How come?”

“Think fast, girls,” said Dr. Blithe, stepping out from behind a pot plant and pulling a hot pink ray gun out of the pocket of his lab coat. Neither Emilia or Thelma reacted in time to prevent him from zapping them both with pink radiation, which fundamentally altered the structure of their being in such a way as to prevent them from being able to wear even the tiniest scrap of clothing for the next three-and-a-half hours. Both the girls squealed in outrage and horror as their clothes exploded into subatomic dust, leaving them standing stark naked in the middle of Research Facility 1-A before a mob of laughing lab techs who’d assembled at Dr. Blithe’s command to bear witness to his latest triumph.

“AHHHH! DR. BLITHE I HATE YOU!”

“Too slow, girls. Better luck next time!”