Rose

You've know Rose for longer than you can even remember. She has always been a dear friend and you know she will understand. Plus she is incredibly smart. You know if anyone can help you it would be her. She also has a lot of friends, whom your sure she could hook you up with.

You text her to see if she's home. She quickly responds that she is and would love to see you. She finishes the text with some heart emojiis and before you know it you find yourself knocking on her door.

You wait a minute but no reply. You knock again harder and the door opens a little, apparently it wasn't quite shut all the way. You peer inside. "Hello?" you call, but no reply, just darkness and quiet. You start to get a bit freaked out. You know she was just home and was expecting you.

You carefully enter, not sure what to expect. You tip toe to her bedroom. The door is shut but you see light coming from under it. You carefully open the door and look inside, unsure what you are about to find.

But all you find is Rose, curled up under a reading lamp, too engrossed in a book to even notice you. You look at her, admiring her long hair and pretty face. You suspect she had a nice body but was always wearing fuzzy sweaters to hide it, even in the summer she dressed like she was always cold. "Hey" you call out to her. She looks up at you with a smile.

"Oh. Hi Jake. I didn't even hear you come in" she says.

"I can't belive how lost you can get in those books sometimes. I swear a tornado could come through your room and you wouldn't even notice."

"Well this is a really good one" she replies putting down her book. You glance at the cover. It looks like a smutty romance novel, but you don't say anything. You have more important things to discuss.

You sit down next to her and everything just comes tumbling out of your mouth. You try to explain how if you ejeculate, you die. Everything comes out rushed and a bit garbled and confused. Once you finally get the gist across, Rose immediately shouts, "oh yes, I've heard about this in ..." she trails off "I mean I've read about it in a medical textbook."

You suspect she first read about it in one of her smutty romance novels. Probably some flimsy, ill-defined plot point used just to get the main character laid. But with her books smarts you have no doubt she actually looked it up in a medical textbook. She would be nerdy enough to cross check her porn for scientific accuracy.

"Yes," she continued "I remember it quite clearly. Sadly there is no cure."

"I know" you reply. "I've gone a week without ejaculating at this point and my body feels ready to burst. I'm sure I'm going to have a nocturnal emission any time now if I don't do anything about it. I at least want to enjoy my last orgasm and ..." you trail off a bit embarrassed. "And I don't want to die a virgin" you admit.

"Oh" she says, slightly surprised, slightly embarrassed herself.

"I was wondering if you could hook me up with one of your friends?" You ask her.