Room & Board

Miraculously, getting Etna home caused more damage to your nerves than it did to your car. It seemed as if she was at least somewhat in control of herself, and maybe even a little appreciative of your offer to bring her there.

That last part was patently untrue, though, as proved by her reaction to your home.

“Geez, couldn’t I have gotten found by the guy living in a nice penthouse somewhere?” Etna muttered as she walked through your front door. You rolled your eyes, knowing she might actually be legitimately complaining. She was used to an Overlord’s palace, after all, and while you had plenty of money (you’d ordered a Roboslut, for god’s sake), you weren’t exactly up to those standards.

“Hey, it’s big enough for you, me, and three other couples… it might not be the Taj Mahal or anything-“

“The what? You humans and your names,” Etna said. You were starting to think that her eyes were in a constant state of rolling.

“Like I was saying, it’s not perfect but it’s better than nothing… and a lot better than a lot of somethings.”

“Very articulate,” she snorted. “What’s for dinner?”

“Ah,” you murmured, turning toward the kitchen. “I have quite a few things… steak, eggs, potatoes, a full stocking of fruits and vegetables, sausage, turkey, ham… pretty much everything you’d need for anything-“

“Great. I’ll take filet mignon with a side of caviar and chocolate mousse for dessert.”

“How about a ribeye, a couple sides, and the best ice cream you’ve ever had?” You countered, already prepared for her stubbornness. Also, you didn’t actually have caviar. You weren’t even entirely sure what was in chocolate mousse, you just knew it wasn’t real moose.

“Tch, whatever, if you’re cooking it no way it’ll taste good anyway. Might as well look like slop too,” Etna grumbled, her tail twitching angrily back and forth.

You couldn’t help but to wonder if this Etna had been programmed a little too much like the original.

“Well, I hope that was up to your standards, your highness,” your voice was so thick with sarcasm it almost suffocated you. Gathering the plates you headed for the kitchen, throwing them into the sink and cranking the water up to “searing”.

“Not even close,” Etna muttered as she toyed with a piece of meat on her plate. “But I guess it’ll do, seeing as I have no other choices.”

“You could always try the dumpster down the street,” you called over your shoulder as you began to wash the dishes.

“Very funny. Maybe I’ll kick you out and take over this place for myself,” Etna said with a smirk.

“How’s a demon going to get a job to pay the bills, again?”

“I don’t need a job! I’ll have dozens of servants to wait on my every whim, providing for me out of love and devotion,” Etna said, sighing in bliss as she shifted from sitting to laying down on your well-cushioned couch. You raised an eyebrow at her.

“I feel like if servants were your plan, you’d have already chained me up.”

“Who says I won’t?”

“Kinky.”

“You’re disgusting,” she said, scoffing and rolling over to face away from you.

“What are your plans, though? I’ve offered to let you stay here… you haven’t said anything about other places to stay, so…”

“Yes, rub my vagrancy in my face, please. That helps so many things,” Etna groaned, turning her head back over just to glare at you. “If you’re not going to make helpful suggestions, just go die.”

“I was about to make a suggestion; I was going to tell you that you’re free to stay here.”

“Of course I am! What, are you gonna throw me out? Like him?!” She said, growling as she shoved her face into yours. How she’d sat up so quickly you weren’t sure since you hadn’t even seen her move.

“Like him?” You asked, quietly.

“Forget it,” she said gruffly, throwing herself back onto the couch.

You looked at her for a moment, sensing a lot more to this than it seemed. Maybe she had a really detailed backstory? All of this behavior was starting to make you a little uncertain…