Rising up.

It was the worst night of your life to say the least, and that is saying a lot with your life. It hit harder now, knowing happiness was possible, only to have it ripped out from under you, and worse than that, hearing it was all built on a lie.

Of course, you couldn't believe that. You had fights before, but you always came back together in the end. You would give it some time, a day or two, and stand outside Cindi's front door with Emma in hand and the perfect words in your heart...preferably in the rain. Hell, you wouldn't even need the words. You would just hold her close enough for her to hear them in your heart. The words never came, which is just as well since Cindi has you blocked on all her devices and is avoiding you like the plague.

Being furious was fun for a change. Who the fuck did she think she was to say those kinds of things and then show you the door? Of course, the fact that she thought she was a broken shell that was dead and rotting inside only made you angrier, because she got you feeling sorry for her when you wanted to be mad. Especially since she didn't just end things with you, she effectively ended them with you and Emma and nipped you and Vanessa in the bud before you really got started. After all, if you're too stupid to see what's spelled out in front of you on a neon billboard with Cindi, why should your other relationships be any different?

So your new strategy was no more caring. Purely pump and dump or get pumped and dumped was your MO from then on out. After announcing you were available at a particularly wild kegger at Brad's turned all night orgy, you had no shortage of suitors that found this arrangement quite agreeable. You started slutting your way through the cheer squad, but they either killed the mood by bringing up Cindi or by crying on your shoulder because they never felt this way before and blah blah boo hoo. You decided boys would be safer prey.

You worked your way the football bullies, really enjoying a return to smacks and slurs. At least they were smart enough to be stupid and hateful and no risk of a relationship. . Reggie was smart enough to play dumb, but he only lasted a few matches before whispering he wanted to make you his queen, so good 'd' or no, you said 'time to get the check, mate' and showed him the door. Dale, a deadbeat druggie neighbor kept your attention the longest, mostly by keeping you too high and dicked down to think straight. He ended up being surprisingly decent too, breaking up with you when he realized you were just using him to sink deeper, and seeing something good in you worth preserving.

That was followed by a month of deep despair, looking for deadbeats without decency to drag you as low as you felt. A darkness that would never let you go or let you down and tells you all the horrible things you need to hear. You are worthless...unlovable...a freak...a failure...alone...forever...and ever...amen.

And then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and the wounded fawn staring back looks so hurt and hopeless that you just have to save her. You say it once out loud, just to make it real. "I've lost Cindi and I'm not going to get her back." The words unlock something inside you. It's no magic spell or save the day speech, but it's what you need to hear to take the first step back to the land of the living. You fall into a fetal position, crying all night until sleep mercifully claims you...

....

....

Now here comes the hard part...