Rina POV: Heat of the moment

What the actual fuck did you just do?

“Hey Em! Thx for giving me a call! Hearing from you really made my morning. (^_^)”

Delete that. It still happened, even if you pretend it didn’t.

Don’t panic, I’m just overthinking things. I slept like shit, I was bad with my meds this weekend…I’m not thinking clearly, that’s all. Don’t panic. Just cause I feel it coming on doesn’t mean it has to happen. Remember what they do. It's gonna be okay. I’m okay. He didn’t seem to mind, and he still wants to meet up. Hell, he even invited me to go out with him tomorrow! It’s gonna be okay.

An obvious lie. He needed to get out of the situation you put him in.

“My b if I was kinda distracted lol. It was nice to talk, let’s”

Delete that. Stop playing pretend, he isn’t stupid.

Stop. Don’t panic. Do. Not. Panic. Remember your breathing exercises. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. You’ve been through worse.

Just because you’ve DONE worse doesn’t mean this isn’t bad.

“Like what you heard? >//< Since you like being teased I thought I’d give ya a tas”

Gross, you really are a creepy old man. Delete it.

You’re okay… It’s gonna be okay…

“Sorry if Iwas bei ng weir”

“Weird” is an understatement, freak.

It’s…

How could you do this to them? Why would you think this was okay? Barely two days since Nia warned you to not push things and you act like this? Haven’t you learned anything?

“EmeryI am so sosorry !I was nt thi nkingIdidn’tmean to answer thephone a ndI couldn’t helpmys”

“Couldn’t help myself”? Spoken like a true sex pest. Shameless. Disgusting. You’re just like Mich, just like Rosa. No sense of responsibility, you’re a child. Just like HE said.

Stop thinking about it…

Don’t act surprised when they stop talking to you. The only friends you had left, and you ruined it to get off. You could have had something special, a lucky break, but you just “couldn’t help” yourself. And after cumming all night too. You greedy bitch.

Please stop thinking about it…!

You did this. You’re alone for a reason, stop playing the victim. You’re a predator Rina…no, you don’t deserve that name. You’re nothing like her, and you never will be.

I threw my phone at the pillows and curled into a ball, shielding my sniveling face behind sticky hands. Think about something else…think about anything else! Anything! Please! The drone of the speakers, the purple lights drifting across the wall, the smell of…sex…on my sheets…

…

Vision blurring, I rushed from my mess of a bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I barely made it before retching in the sink — for better or worse, my empty stomach offered nothing but acid. My body tried several more times to purge the illness, but to no avail. This poison was too deeply rooted for methods like these. I knew that.

I held the countertop for dear life until I finally finished, years of familiarity the only thing keeping me up. Turning away from the marbled bowl, I tried to escape the acrid stench. I found no comfort in this distance though, only the mirror. Shivers rattled my bones as the dark silhouette confronted me. Its long hair, matted with bile and cum; face twisted by self-pity and caked on sweat; those large hands and corded muscles, too masculine; these wide and heavy curves, comically feminine; its sore and cumbersome sex, a motive for evil. A shadowy stranger, a human caricature, mocking me with every action it mirrored…with every strangled breath we shared.

My chest tightened and the walls of black began to close in. I slumped against the door, fighting like hell to avoid falling over as the room spun around me. The cold tile floor pressed against my naked skin, and still it wasn’t enough. I could barely feel it…I could barely feel anything anymore. All I could focus on was my shallow gasps and the mocking, horrible truths that echoed in my brain over and over again.

Good job Nuri, you ruined another one.