"I...I'm sorry dude," you muttered apologetically, confused and even more ashamed now. "I didn't know ... I mean, I...well, you had told me to come over today and I just thought..." you trailed off.
You stood there with your eyes pointed to the floor, afraid to look back up. The silence seemed to drag on. Finally you heard Randall let out a deep breath. "Shit, man, I did, didn't I?" he said.
He sat down on the couch, drawing your gaze again. "Come on, sit," he ordered, motioning you over. You plopped down at the other end of the sofa, leaving some distance between you.
He bit his lip in thought for a moment, then started talking. "Look, Tim. I guess some of this IS my fault. But you should know better. You can't just walk in here unannounced. I've got my own life - and I AM an adult woman. There is such a thing as privacy!"
He looked you in the eye. "Maybe...maybe we've been doing this wrong, acting like nothing has changed. Perhaps we need to take a break for awhile - to get some distance."
"No!" you gasped, a sense of panic taking hold. "Please, Randall...you're my best friend! I...I don't know what I'd do without. This is all hard enough as is. We can't give up!"
His face softened and he sighed. "Yeah, I know, Tim. You're important to me too. You've always been like a brother to me. And I don't want to lose you either."
He paused for a moment, pulling his robe back together with one hand, then reached over to take your hand with the other. Looking at Randall sitting there, listening to the way he talked, thinking about what just happened - and Randall's behavior over the last few months - it struck you how much he had changed. Your aunt's body, her life, her friends, her job - all that had **** Randall to grow up very quickly. While you could still see bits of the old 'goofball Randall', that part of him was overshadowed by this new, more mature persona. Even more, Randall was clearly now a girl; no, an adult woman. He had obviously become a lot more comfortable with his new body and sexuality. You could see it in the way he walked and talked, his style of dress ... and his apparent boyfriend. So you weren't completely surprised at his next pronouncement.
"Tim..." he began, clasping your hand, "you're closer to me than my family - you ARE my family." He chuckled and gave a wry smile. "I know this is weird coming from ME - I'm not the serious, emotional type - but I'll lay it on the table. I love you, dude. You - and your parents - have always been there for me. So yeah, I agree, we're not giving up. We've gone through too much. You'll always be my best friend."
His expression became more serious. "But Tim, I think we have got to redefine our relationship and draw better boundaries. Maybe I need to be more 'Aunt Joan' to you and less 'your bud Randall'."
You were relieved that he was cutting you off but you struggled to understand where he was going with this. "Wh...what do you mean? 'More Aunt Joan'? What would that look like?" you asked.
"I'm not exactly sure," he admitted. "I mean, we'd still be friends. We could hang out and do stuff together. You could keep the key to my apartment. But we're not just two teenage guys anymore. We need to remember that - not just around other people but even when it's just us. We've tried to act like nothing has changed but obviously things have. I can't be a 36 year old professional woman all the time except when I'm with you. While I'm not just 'Joan Burton' all the time, I'm definitely not the old Randall either."
You gave him a confused look at that comment. He let out an exasperated sigh. "Tim, when I'm by myself, relaxed and doing my own thing, I'm still an adult woman - even if I'm not pretending to be your Aunt Joan. I'm still trying to figure that out - who I am exactly now. And us trying to act like everything's the same isn't helping. So if we're going to make this work - keep our friendship - then THIS can't happen again. Got it!"
"Okay," you agreed slowly, still not entirely clear on what this 'new relationship' would look like.
Randall tried to clarify. "How about this? Think of me as your awesomely cool auntie who's always fun and hip."
You laughed at that, happy at his attempt to lighten the mood even as you wondered about his redefinition of your relationship.
"And you'll be my favorite nephew who I let hang around all the time," he teased, adding "and maybe I can even set you up with someone, given how poorly you're doing on the romantic front. Let's see, Aisha has a younger sister, Mads is divorced but has a daughter... mmh, is she 15 or 16, I can't remember..."
Randall continued in the vein, his humor breaking the tension. You relaxed some and enjoyed the rest of the day together. But you couldn't help but worry about the changes Randall had planned.
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