Rachel’s Despair

She walked swiftly, **** to get away, but did not dare let herself run. She had no intention of making a scene. When she finally got to her apartment, she stepped in and quickly locked the door.

“Are you here?” She asked out loud.

She knew he would not be.

“If only you were…” she continued, “we could just be done with it all…”

“The sting of your fangs on my neck could take me away from all this pain…” she clasped her neck… longing for a release… and sighed.

“Just finish what you started already!” She shouted.

“Just make me into your crazed vampire slut already,” she continued, though more softly now, “like Jenny.” She paused. “With not a care in the world...”

I have too many cares…

She wiped the tears from her cheeks and stepped into the living room and grabbed a tissue. She blew her nose, then casually rolled the tissue into a ball, tossed it into the air, and gently spiked it into the trash bin.

“Everything I’ve worked so hard for doesn’t seem to even matter anymore.” She whispered to herself.

Her mind raced through years of volleyball practice, all through her childhood, the excitement when she got her full ride athletic scholarship to the university, her degree goals, career aspirations, the unexpectedly nice relationship with Caleb, and eventually hopes of…

Family.

The word resonated more powerfully in her mind than she had expected it to.

Knowing it may never happen now… made the longing for it that much worse.

*knock knock knock*

Rachel turned to the door, suddenly startled.

“Rachel… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…”

She fell back onto her couch, ignoring his request for entry and stared into the wall.

I will never have children, now.

More tears streamed down her face. The realization of everything suddenly culminating in her mind… into overwhelming despair.

“It’s all just a lot, you know?” Caleb continued talking through the door, somberly.

*knock knock knock*

“Rachel, please let me in…”

She buried her face into her hands at that moment, and let herself truly cry for the first time in years.

He could hear her, just barely, through the door.

But he knew there was nothing he could do right now. She would not let him in while she was like this. Too proud, he thought.

He leaned into the door again, “I will give you some time Rachel, but I WILL be back. I will not just abandon you...” then pulled back and slowly walked away.

Rachel pulled her legs up, curling into a fetal position as she heard him leave.

Time passed, despair came and went, but eventually, emotionally exhausted, Rachel drifted off and was embraced by the blessed release of sleep.