Quench and Temper

As soon as he was able to Riley rushed to Paige's side. She was looking around the plaza blankly, clearly shell-shocked. Before Riley had even said anything he enfolded her in a hug. At first she seemed uncertain, her arms wrapped around him only loosely. When he continued to hold her though she pulled in tightly, burying her face in his neck. Before the show she'd have rested her face on his chest, but he wasn't that tall anymore. He'd lost nearly half a foot of height.

This wasn't the time to dwell on that though. Riley looked around the plaza. Most of the others were dispersing, but a few still hung around.

"Come on," he said to Paige. "Let's get a little bit more privacy."

She nodded and the two broke apart. Riley could see where a few tears had gotten caught in her eyelashes. He took her hand and led her down the steps to the oasis.

They walked for a ways in silence. He couldn't guess what was going through her mind right then, but for him it was chaos. There were a million things to say and none of them felt right.

Riley spotted a good enough spot to rest off in the distance and they made their way over. A gray wooden bench sat on the banks of the lake beneath the shade of a palm tree. The sun was almost directly overhead by now and the water sparkled. Riley let go of Paige's hand to take a seat and she joined him.

Every attempt to begin a conversation died on his lips. They all seemed too big to even start. There was no convenient on-ramp. At a loss, eventually Riley decided on simply saying, "I'm sorry."

"I don't understand," she muttered meekly. Riley's heart bled for her. "Why would someone do this? It doesn't even make sense."

"You're tied for first," Riley speculated. "Maybe whoever did this was trying to unseat you."

"But it's so cruel. I thought it was us against the show. I thought we were all in this together. But we're not, are we?"

"Only one person can win," Riley said darkly.

"I haven't done anything to anyone," she said. "This is heartless."

Tentatively, Riley scooted closer to Paige and put his arm around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder and sniffled.

"It isn't fair," she whispered.

"No," Riley agreed. "It isn't."

He held her against him, running his arm up and down her shoulder comfortingly. "It'll be ok," he told her. "It'll all work out."

Paige's hand went to her face to wipe away a tear. "You don't know that. We're only on the first round. Things are going to get worse."

"We'll figure it out. Trevor will help. And Natalie. I promise you, nobody is happy about this except whoever did it. They've just made a lot of enemies."

Paige spoke apprehensively. "You're talking about starting a witch hunt. That's not what I want."

"I know it's not," he told her, "and I'm not going to start one. But we might need to keep people in line. This kind of thing can't happen again. We have it bad enough already without doing Violet's job for her."

He felt Paige nod as he stared out across the lake. He was putting on a front for her. Inside he was nowhere near as calm, and certainly not willing to let things go so easily. He wanted ****. And he was going to get it. Somehow.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you," Paige confessed.

Riley froze up. He wanted desperately to move on, to be able to tell her that it was all fine, but the truth was that she'd hurt him. He hadn't seen her in over a week, and it had been a hard week. He'd been struggling. He could have really used her at his side.

He'd been avoiding her too though, hadn't he? It wasn't fair to blame Paige. Neither of them had been handling things well.

"I know," he finally said. "And I'm sorry too. I've been distant."

He felt Paige swallow, then she pulled away. She sat facing him, but Riley couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze; he stared out over the lake instead. He knew what came next. This was when she admitted that the relationship couldn't go on, that the strain was too much.

"I've been an awful girlfriend. This past week you've needed me more than maybe you ever have before and I haven't been there for you. I know that. I know I should have done more." Tears were beginning to stream down her face. "Please, Riley. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."

He turned to look at her. Paige's face was a mask of pain. This wasn't the prelude to a breakup that he'd been expecting.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked, voice breaking. "I need to hear you say it. I need to know that we're ok. I'll make it up to you however I can, I promise. Anything."

"You still want to...I thought...we aren't breaking up?"

A look of true fear took hold of Paige. She reached out and grabbed his hand. "No, please, don't say that. Please. I can make it up to you."

Riley cut her babbling short with his own surprised outburst. "Paige! I'm not saying...I don't want that either. But...I thought you did." That last confession came out as almost a whisper.

Paige furrowed her brow. "What? Why?"

Riley screwed his eyes shut. "Because...", he gestured down at himself, "I'm not a man anymore."

It truly, genuinely hurt him to say that. He'd been thinking in terms of having a woman's body. For the first time he consciously admitted to the impact that might be having on his identity.

"It's just some changes," she mumbled, though she didn't sound sound convinced about it herself. "They changed me too."

"It isn't the same Paige, and you know it."

"You're still you."

"I'm different. I have boobs for God's sake." He winced at his slip. He was usually better at controlling his language around her, but he pressed on. "You can't tell me you're just ok with that."

"I love you."

"But you aren't attracted to me. Go on, deny it." Now it was Riley's turn to cry. "Tell me that it isn't true."

"You of all people should know that this isn't about sex for me, Riley." Paige did her best to keep the accusation out of her tone, but a little slipped through.

"No, of course not," he said gently. "But it does matter. I mean, you want to have sex eventually, right? You want a boyfriend, a husband, that you're attracted to. It matters Paige. Of course it does."

Paige fell silent. Then, in a small voice, "I don't care."

"Paige..."

"No. I don't care. We'll figure something out. If we win we can even undo the changes."

"We might not win though," he said. "It's a stupid thing to bet our relationship on."

"It's stupid not to," Paige insisted. "And even if we don't win, we'll figure it out."

"How?" he asked, genuinely pleading.

"I don't know. I don't care. We can cross that bridge when we get there. I'll learn to live with it. Or maybe Violet can make me...it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are not allowed to end this on my behalf. I love you." Her final words were forceful, demanding him to try and argue.

Riley squeezed her hand tightly. "I love you too. You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

Paige pulled him against her. In his new, smaller frame he actually fit. She held him tightly to her chest, sniffling. Riley tried to put aside all of their problems and just focus on the warmth of her body.

Paige continued to hold him, not wanting to let go. She'd never let go. This was his wife, Riley realized with a start. He'd vaguely planned on getting married to her, that had always been where they were going, but with startling clarity he suddenly, viscerally, knew it. He was going to marry this girl.

They hadn't talked about the things they'd said in the contest. They hadn't so much as brushed on Riley's admission, or Paige's much larger confession. It all seemed so small now though. Paige was his and he was hers.

It still stung that Paige had wanted Trevor before him. He knew that in moments of weakness, being her second choice was going to gnaw at him. Now wasn't the time though. This moment was for healing.

And he did feel healed. Riley felt hopeful for the first time since he got here. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. When all this was over, no matter what was thrown at them, he would be with Paige. That was enough. It was more than enough. Suddenly, soldiering on didn't seem impossible. In fact, it was the only thing he could do.

Besides, he thought, his thoughts growing grim, somewhere out there was a person who had hurt Paige. And that wasn't going to stand.