Q&A with special host: Izix!

Ladies and gentlederps! Good day to you all! I’m Izix, and I am here to be the voice inside Zewes’ head for once instead of the voice in my own! For all of you that say: Stop fucking around and write your story, I tell you: Good point, also, ouch! Today I am here to host the Q&A of my friendly friend Zewes’ this time around.

“Izix! Izix! Heeeeeeeey Izix!” the two derps shouted as they jumped up and down on their chairs while waving their arms to get the host’s attention.

“Yes, Mimi? Yes, Yatina?”

“Hi!” the derps said as they giggled.

*The voice shakes its head. Hi girls, if you can be good derps until the end of the Q&A I will give you guys pats, alright? Good. Now, to get into the questions!

First of, we have a question by the haremest haremmaster around. Omni! He wants to know: John, now that you lost your paladin module and gained a **** one (which sucks since you would have been cool to have both) have your desired modules changed? It’s a good question, John, the spotlight is yours!*

“That is a good question. While I did enjoy the powers that the Paladin Module provided, I am looking forward to seeing what this **** Knight Module can do. I don’t think I have a desired module per say, but I enjoy the modules I have used and look forward to seeing what modules Gaia or Lady **** will give me,” answered John to the question asked by Omni.

*Interesting, am also very much interested to know that Omni isn’t the pervert we all know and love with these question, wait, he has more questions? Nevermind! Moving ooooooon.

Shikaku has a question for the goddesses, pft, sexist much? Do you choose your forms or do your believers decide what you look like?*

“I have chosen my own form based on what I believe I should be,” the floating orb that represented Gaia said, a glowing light pulsed each time a word was spoken.

“That’s not even Gaia speaking, it's Trinet, one of her secretaries,” interjects Lady ****. “I, on the other hand, have chosen this form because it is the one I decided I wanted for John Newman. My daughters are all the various forms that the religions around the world have depicted me as. So, for me, it is both,” finished Lady ****.

“DAMMIT, ****! I’M A VERY BUSY GODDESS! WHY’D YOU GOTTA CALL ME OUT LIKE THAT?!” roared a furious voice as the floating orb turned pure white as Gaia yelled at her other half.

“Glad that you are here, Gaia. Now, why don’t you answer the question,” Lady **** said in a calm voice but with the slightest hint of a smirk on her face.

“Trinet already answered the question the same way I would,” Gaia says, still clearly annoyed at her counterpart.

*Very interesting, might steal that for my own branch…. wait, did I think that out loud? Damn, next question!

Johan has a question to our Franniest Fran, what is your opinion on the Gamers state religion?*

“Ah, yes, I figured someone may ask this,” Fran said as she sat in a blue t-shirt and matching booty shorts. Her relaxing clothes were quite different from her standard uniform, and she was quite happy to have been told behind the scenes that she did not need to dress up in her armor. “Well, seeing as how I’m the Grand Inquisitor of said religion, I am quite fine with it. Plus it has its...perks,” she said with a clear smile on her face as she seems to drift off into her past memories.

“She is truly good at her job, I can suffice to that,” Gali said. “She has done well to make sure that the rules are enforced and the peace is kept. I couldn’t have asked for a better Grand Inquisitor. I cannot wait to see who she decides to choose as her underlings and to test them personally,” Gali said as she seemed to fall into the same state as Fran.

Thank you for your answer! Next we go over to Seraph95, the most senior of seraphs, his question is aimed at Lady ****, who’s the better reaper, **** from Discworld or Grim from Grim Adventures?

“**** from Darksiders,” said Lady **** in a matter of fact tone. Izix waited patiently to see if she had anything more to say but when it was clear she did not, he moved on.

Well then, time to move on to our next question, Magnar wants to know: When will John finally fuck Vanessa? He even added: Come on, hate fuck already! Though technically that last part isn’t a question, I will allow it.

“Oh boy, wait till you see what I have cooked up for her now that this pesky business with the Order is over. Now I can start to set up my kingdom properly and begin to punish those who deserve it,” John said with a wicked smile on his face. “Oh and I’m sure you all will love it!” he said before he let out a hearty laugh.

“That was…. Disturbing, Mimi, tell me if my John ever becomes as mean as this one alright? It will give me enough time to change my plans. And that, that takes us to the next question, by Mythen no less! To lady ****: What is the funniest blunder your other half has made?”

“The Order,” replied Lady **** with the most straight face anyone on the panel had seen.

“Now just you wait a minute!” interjected Gaia, “You thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea at the time, either! Afterall I do recall you saying something like ‘This Sith Empire seems to take joy in senseless killing, it’s ruining the balance.’,” Gaia said in an attempt to defend her actions.

“And how’s that Order working out now?” asked Lady ****.

“I mean...two out of three branches are doing well! Sometimes you gotta get rid of the bad apples to save the rest! Plus they don’t have a union, so that makes it super easy!” Gaia said in a rather proud tone. Everyone save for Lady **** just looked at her with a mixture of concern and fear on their faces. None dared to speak out against the all powerful god and Izix was quick to move the discussion along as to not dwell on what the Abyssal deity had said.

“Ladies, ladies please! We have more questions, please, do bicker telepathically if you must! Next question! Shikaku again, he wants to know, and this is only for our little derps, what is your favorite goddess?” Izix’ eyebrows waggled at Mimi though it seemed his intent was lost on the derp.

The two derps look at each other as giant smiles grow on their faces. The two then jump up onto their chairs as they throw their hands up into the air and shout “FORNAX!” triumpetly. A second after the two say the name, a portal opens up as it rains down cookies onto the two girls. Mimi and Yatina quickly grab cookies and shove them into their mouths by the handful, happily munching on every single cookie they can find.

“Uh...Where’d those cookies come from?” asked a very confused John.

“And who’s Fornax?” asked Miho as she looked at her sister, who merely shrugged at her twin.

“Fornax is a Roman goddess. Of an oven I think? Had some festivals about baking every year,” Gaia said between two long sighs.

Boooh, Romans! Greek are better! Oh wait, i’m not supposed to participate. My bad!
Now people, after that derpy question, a more serious note, from Gabranth, he wants to ask you all: Spice?

The entire panel let out a collective sigh right before Mimi and Yatina threw rotten tomatoes at Gabranth.

“Oof, tough crowd” Izix spoke as he dodged one flying tomato. “Let us keep the questions flowing! Craven wants to know from you, John, if you will take the time to reflect after you die, or do you think that another goddess ex machina will save your ass?

“Well, I mean,” started John as he thought about the best way to answer this question, “it’s not like I plan to have a goddess resurrect me, it just kinda happens, ya know?” John said in an attempt to defend his actions. “Like I really thought I was a goner when Lord Brighton was able to stab me, but then Mica and Lady **** intervened and now here I am!” John said as he jumped up from his chair and raised his hands into the air. Mimi and Yatina clapped happily at John’s display, their naivety allowed them to not understand the words that John spoke.

“Oooh, dramatic! Well John, let's hope you can keep your head on your shoulders long enough to go through the Q&A, if that works, we can always work on longer periods of time, baby steps, right?”
“And with that bout of snark from little old me, we move on to a question for Miho and Mikuru, how did you two get into the paid killing game? Chaosvii wants to know.”

“Oh, well, you see, it all started whe-” started Miho when suddenly the feed to the Q&A panel goes black before a large “CENSORED” written in white on the screen while an 8 bit Mimi and Yatina run around in circles with wires in each hand below the letters. After a few minutes the screen returns to normal to see Mikuru finishing up the story her sister started.

“And that is how we ended up in the service of Dark Velvet before teaming up with John.”

Oooh how interesting, I never thought Wes would write it like that…. Wait, what, you guys didn’t hear that through the spoiler filter? Damn, guess you will have to just wait for the story to progress! Or get one of these!” Izix points at his author hat. “Now to quell the boredom, next question! Girls, what is your favorite drink? Our lovely wiki rodent wants to know”

“Sake,” the twins say in unison immediately after the question is asked.

“I prefer a good bottle of rum, mostly Captain Morgan,” Fran announces to the panel.

“I enjoy some sunroot tea,” Gali said as she sipped some of the very tea she spoke of.

“Oh, me as well!” said a giddy Princess Slyva. “You wouldn’t happen to have any more, do you?” she asked her fellow elf. Gali smiled at the Princess and produced a second cup of the tea from beside her.

“Here you are, Princess,” Gali said as she slid the cup over to her companion.

“Thank you very much, High Priestess!” praised Sylva as she sipped the tea with a content look on her face.

“I do not drink,” imparted Lady ****.

“Nor do I. Perks of being a goddess,” Gaia’s orb said.

“I enjoy anything that master gives me,” Idena says as she gives John a quick look with a devious smile on her face. John’s face turned beat red at Idena’s insinuation.

“We love apple juice!” the two derps happily announce as they sip said juice through the crazy straws that are in their juice boxes.

“Many drinks, many enjoyable ones, sad to hear that there are no drunk Gaia shenanigans though, ah well, food for thought… While I think about writing that, I have a question for Mimi and Yatina from Craven. With what person do you like to play the most and why and have you different favorites or the same? Multiple questions in one, how naughty. Girls, you’re up!”

“Oooh, ooooh! Who do we have the mostest fun with?!” pondered Mimi as her sneks all moved up to her head and began to whisper amongst each other.

“Ooooo. Dat’s a good question!” Yatina admitted as she crawled from her chair over to Mimi’s chair to join in on the whispering. After a few minutes of whispering between each other, Yatina moved back to her seat while Mimi’s sneks moved back to their normal positions before Mimi started talking again.

“We have decided...”

“Through lots and lots of...of...uh...what was the word again?”

“Oh! It was...um...crymera!” said a proud Mimi!

“Nuh uh! It was cretroa!” countered Yatina.

“That don’t sound right, either!” noticed Mimi. “Cri..” started Mimi.

“Tear,” followed Yatina.

“Emu!” Mimi said as she puffed out her chest proudly.

“Oooh! That sounds right!” Yatina encouraged. “We did it!” decided Yatina as she hugged Mimi.

“Do you girls mean ‘criteria?’” asked Miho. The derps eyes opened wide as they heard the word they had been guessing.

“YAY! BIG SIS MIHO TOLD US THE WORD! THAT’S WHY SHE IS BESTEST!” the two said in unison.

“Big sis Miho likes to play all sorts of games with us, like Derp the Snek!” Mimi said.

“And she bringses us lots of tasteys to eat!” Yatina said as she rubbed her belly.

“And she teaches us lots of words by reading to us! That’s how we learned criteria!” Mimi informed everybody. Miho blushed immensely as she rushed over to the two young girls and gave them big hugs and a kiss on the cheek. The derps cuddled up close to Miho as they hugged, happy to have her in their lives.

”Girls, that’s aderpable, I bet Miho is very happy with that. Now, with the heart warming question out of the way, let's go back to being miserable with the next question! Omni wants to know, to all you ladies, except the derps, what is your favorite sex act?”

“It has been many centuries since I’ve done that,” started Lady ****, “So long that I don’t think I can recall which one I did prefer. So I am going to have to pass on that question,” said Lady ****, to dead silence, everyone too afraid to boo or heckle her in fear of her reaping them.

“I’m with my other half on this one,” a dejected Gaia says. “It’s quite hard to find time for that sort of thing when you are working to keep the Abyss and mundane separate!”

“Oh, I love it when, as I’m riding John, Mikuru comes over and gives me a rimjob! I’ve had the best orgasms ever every single time!” Miho says with a giddy look on her face.

“I have no preference,” the elder twin said. Miho let out a big huff when she heard Mikuru’s answer.

“Bullshit! You love it when a girl goes down on you while playing with your asshole!” Miho yelled at her sister, which caused Mikuru to blush profusely as she quickly jumped on top of her sister and covered her mouth with her hands. Miho continued to mumble through her sister’s hands, but it was too hard to hear anything else the younger sister said.

“I must admit my preference is nothing nearly as, ahem, interesting as the two girls,” said Gali as she shifted in her chair. “I am a fan of the simple and easy missionary style. It lets me look into my lover’s eyes and take in the blessing of sex that our king has provided us with his grace and protection,”
finished Gali, taking her role as High Priestess quite seriously.

“I’m afraid, according to Royal traditions, I have yet to know the touch of a lover. I hope that soon it will be rectified based on what has been agreed upon,” Slyva told the group as she squirmed in her seat, rubbing her legs together as she listened to the stories of the panel.

“Depends on my mood,” admitted Fran. “Sometimes I like it when the man takes charge and gets a little rough. Nothing like a good ass smack and some **** to get the best orgasm. Other times, I like to tie him up and let him know I’m in control of his dick and pleasure and that he’ll only cum when I decide it’s time for him to. Sometimes, once I cum, I will deny the man. It’s always so good to see him squirm and beg for release,” finished Fran as she seemed to reminisce on some of those events.

“As long as master is enjoying himself, I don’t care what position he takes me in,” a smiling Idena told the panel.

Ohlala ladies, you sure know how to have fun, I mean, Omni, I hope you’re happy. I sure am! thanks for being so, ahem, open and honest. Now, the next question! Drew asks Vanessa: How does it feel to be fucked into submission? A good question indeed, tell us, bitchqueen!

Everyone looked around and noticed that Vanessa was nowhere to be seen. The panel started discussing between themselves if they should get up to look for her when a young girl dressed in a grey skirt and blouse, rushed onto the stage and over to Izix. She put a hand over the mic of the headset she wore and whispered something to Izix before she made her way back to behind the scenes.

I just heard that Vanessa has escaped to Europe just before the battle for Tenebris! Don’t worry, she won’t get far. I promise you! However, we still have more questions to go through! Hobo wants to know everyones favorite snack, so, guys, let's hear it!

“OOOOOO! OOOOO! OOOOO!” Mimi was practically falling out of her chair as she stood on it, leaned forward, and had one hand raised as the other gripped the chair to keep her from falling forward. “Pick me! Pick meeeeee!” she begged. Izix smiled and nodded at the young Gorgon who happily began to answer. “My favorite one is sneks! They are small and cute, and smooth and,”

“No, silly! Big bro Izix said snacks, not sneks! S-N-A-K-S! Not S-N-E-K!” Yatina told her partner in crime, who gave her a quizzical look.

“I know what he said! I like these snek snacks!” Mimi said proudly as she pulled out some cookies that were shaped exactly like Bob, even green in color. Mimi broke a cookie into two and gave a small piece to Bob, who happily ate it, as she ate the rest.

“Oooooh! Right! I forgot about those!” Yatina said as she pulled out some of the same snek cookies and ate them. “Know what would be neat?” she asked between bites of cookies.

“What?” asked the young Gorgon who also feasted on the snek cookies.

“Dragon cookies!” Yatina said as she threw up her arms. Suddenly a portal appeared above the two derps and a torrent of dragon shaped cookies fell on the two derps, who cheered happily.

“Fornax?” John asked Gaia who sighed and confirmed his suspicions. “How about we just move on with the next question, Izix?” John suggested.

Damnit Hobo! Now I’m hungry! Ahh well, time to grab a snack while Shikaku’s question gets answered. He wants to know from John that, while it sucks that he lost his paladin module, if John is looking forward to his new module?

“As I said before, I am looking forward to seeing what this **** knight module can do! I’ve played enough WoW to know that dk’s can be pretty OP. Question is, should I go disease build or try to build an undead army? Both sound pretty damn nice. Don’t want to be frost tho, I hate the cold. I also can’t wait to see what other modules Gaia or Lady **** might give me,” he said seemingly to imply he expected them to give him more.

“Don't get greedy, boy,” Lady **** said in her calm tone.

“I agree with her. Be happy with what you have and hope you don’t end up in a situation where you need a new module cause your current ones don’t suffice,” Gaia informed the young human.

Got to love me some cookies. Oh, John is done talking? Nice! That means we are moving onto the next question! Gab wants to know something else. What is the derps favorite game?

“DERP THE SNEK!” shouted the derps happily. The two then began to take turns explaining the rules and positions that every participant must know if they wish to play the game with the two girls.

Now, quickly, while the derps are talking, twins, what is your favorite position? Little Dragon would like to know

“I believe we basically covered this with the earlier question, didn’t we?” countered Mikuru.

“Maybe he means what position we like when it’s just you and me?” pondered Miho.

“I guess that’s possible. In that case, I like it when we 69,” Mikuru said as she tried to keep her composure.

“Oh I like it when I get my strap on and fuck her from behind!” Miho said proudly. “She’ll never admit it, but she has some of her best orgasms from it when I grab her hair and mldakfl.” Miho was unable to finish her sentence as her elder sister had once again muzzled her with her hands.

“NEXT QUESTION!” demanded Mikuru as she tried to resist her sister now licking her hands in an attempt to regain the ability to speak.

Thank you girls, for all the valuable knowledge, very nice details for, ahem, if you show up in any other branches…. Wait, this is the end of the Q&A? No! Not if I have anything to say about it. I want to know one more thing! Mimi! Yatina! Answer me this! How many derps does it take to change a lightbulb?

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….” started Mimi.

“Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…” continued Yatina as the two derps thought hard on how to answer Izix’s question. Eventually they both turned and pointed to John.

“Him?” the answered in clear confusion as if that was the correct answer or not. The camera swoops over to behind the scenes where Chester, the derpy Mimic, is eating all the snek and dragon cookies that were secretly swept off the stage to make it look presentable. The derpy Mimic stopped eating and looked up as it felt everybody's eyes looking at it. Scared, the Mimic did what its kind does best and quickly transformed into a chest hoping all this attention would go away.

With that, we have come to the end of the Q&A, once more it’s been an honor to be your host, and I hope to see you all on the derp side. Izix, out!