Pulling your weight

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” Captain Janeway announced once you and your entire group of fellow time travelers had gathered in a conference room. You noticed that Aelita had found a modified, blue StarFleet uniform to accommodate her belly and that Starfire had a red DS9-era uniform with it partially unbuttoned.

“What is it, Captain?” You ask as you play with your right sleeve. You were trying to rub out the lipstick stain from when you wiped your mouth with it while you were a girl. Mariner had gotten a new uniform from a replicator, it felt a little odd to see her back in the DS9 era uniform since you watch the Lower Decks shows. Now that she was in the DS9 uniform, you kinda expected her to put her hair back up in her big poofy hairstyle again.

“I’m afraid that during the testing with Ensign Mariner and Mister Gardner, we unsuccessfully ran the gauntlet of potential solutions that we could run with our current resources. Some of the attempts should’ve theoretically have worked but an unknown interference caused the odd effects that they experienced,” Captain Janeway explained as the screen behind her showed the various transformations that you and Mariner underwent.

“You looked so adorable!” Starfire cried excitedly as she squeed at the picture of you as a kid; Aelita cooed at the picture. Starfire then looked at the picture of the girl you, “and so pretty too!” You scratched your cheek sheepishly at their reaction before looking at Janeway.

“And so what does this mean for us?” You asked her, already knowing the likely answer from what future you sent you.

“It means that you are going to need a uniform if you want to join the crew,” Captain Janeway. “On a probationary status for now. At least until we get you back to your time period.” You looked at your wives and then at T’Lyn and Mariner.

“I guess I better check my measurements then.”

“I told y’all not to water the Lilies of Garga 4 after midnight!” You shouted as you fired a phaser at the bundle of lashing vines and flowers with hungry mouths. The group of assorted ensigns around you concentrated fire on the main cluster with phasers set to incinerate.

“I thought you were joking!” Shouted a Deltan as he phasered a vine that was about to drag a bolian ensign away. “Why did you bring it onboard!”

“The seeds are edible and taste like sunflowers!” You explain, getting a headache from trying to calm the plant down. When the plant told you not to give it water after midnight, you had tried to make sure everyone respected that.

“Just need another minute!” Captain Janeway shouted as she and Tuvok worked on a counter to the plants.

“They have a weakness to substances with a high ph!” You informed them but you didn’t get a response.

“These seeds better be worth it!” Mariner shouted as she dragged a wounded human to cover. She was on the other end of the hallway from you. “Computer lower blast shields S4 and S5!” Immediately after several energy shields activated and sliced several of the vines off.

“Deploying tretrigamazitolipan!” A gas started pumping through the ship that soon caused the violent plant to wither and shrink.

“You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out!” Starfire sang as a bunch of the StarFleet personnel and the villagers of the holoprogram danced along. The holo-village was decorated with colorful lanterns, flowers, and other decorations. “Now shake your glorbayu all about!”

“Captain Janeway, when I recommended you not give a single handshake, this is what I was warning you about,” you banged your head lightly against the cell door. You, T’Lyn, Captain Janeway, Harry Kim, and B’Elanna were in a dirty jail cell after Captain Janeway accidentally insulted the planet’s king.

“You said a handwave, not a handshake,” Captain Janeway replied as she paced the cell. You frowned as you tried to remember if you had misspoken.

“Which is why you are in a cell and not the gallows, handsome,” a sultry voice said from the stairs of the dungeon. You looked up and saw a curvy female of the native species with green hair and a skimpy outfit resembling a mix of a Princess Jasmine and **** Princess Leia outfit. “Though there is a little something you can do for me…” She makes a point of leaning forward, showing off her cleavage, “I will convince my father to let you and your ship leave unharmed and with the supplies you need.”

You sigh and start unbuttoning your uniform. “Not you! Him” The princess barked before pointing to Harry Kim who pointed at himself, stunned.

“I suggest you turn them back now before we do something that you would regret,” Aelita glared at the alien with six arms that was currently restrained behind a forcefield in the brig of Voyager. Next to Aelita, Starfire was holding over a dozen dolls in her arms as she floated and glared at the alien. The dolls looked remarkably like T’Lyn, Chakotay, Tom Paris, Kes, several other crew members, and you.

“Oh please, I’ve traveled all over the quadrant and I’ve added many lost StarFleet to my collection,” the alien sneered. “You wouldn’t **** me, you StarFleet don’t have the bones.”

“We aren’t completely StarFleet,” Aelita warned as she raised a hand along with Starfire as they readied energy bolts. When the alien only raised an eyebrow. They fired the bolts…right into the statue they had transported in. The alien screamed as the ‘rare’ statue was obliterated. “Turn them back or we are going to continue until the whole collection is gone.” The alien looked at them quickly but then swallowed and gathered his nerve. Aelita pressed her combadge and another statue transported in. She and Starfire were about to destroy it when the alien shouted.

“You win! Just stop destroying the Nepivar Statues! I only have three now!” The collector gritted his teeth and pointed to his belt which had been confiscated and laying on a table. “That will give you access to the dollmaker.”

A few minutes later, Aelita and Starfire were hugging James, crying lightly. The collector was standing there in cuffs as the Voyager crew got used to being mobile again. “Well then you have your crew back, I’ll just be on my way then.”

“Not so fast Mister Zos, now it's time for the rest of your collection,” Captain Janeway declared as she pointed to the display cases and shelves upon shelves of dolls.

“And that, princess, is my trap card! Your dragon is sent to the graveyard and you lose life points equal to its defense stats,” You gloat as you flipped your card. The previously smug princess of yet another species just looked in despair as the holographic dragon was destroyed. Off to the side, your wives, Mariner, T’Lyn, and the rest of the away team were chained up and in the case of the women were wearing metal bikinis like the princess across from you. The men were wearing gladiator gear.

“Fine, you can take the impersonator princesses and their retinue,” the princess glared at you. “But I’m keeping the cards!” Guards unchained everyone and soon you were back onboard Voyager.

“How did her guards not realize we weren’t the princess, we told them multiple times,” Starfire asked as she adjusted her metal bikini so it was more comfortable.

“Who cares, I’m going to the bar,” Mariner declared as she threw on a jacket.

You groaned as you fell back on your bed as Aelita and Starfire joined you. “Finally, we’re off shift” Aelita lazily waved a finger at you, trying to shush your mouth.

“No talking, only napping,” she mumbled. You turned and hugged your pink haired and adorable wife.

“I say we celebrate joining the crew by sleeping for twenty hours.” Twin snores showed their agreement. You shot up as a klaxon sounded and red lights started flashing.

“Red Alert!”