Problems & problems

"It's hilarious. I swear it's so hard for me not to fucking laugh when he says it! And I make him say it every session just to annoy him!"

Every Tuesday of the week, Spencer Pellegrini enters Alexandra's office. They proceed to have a brief chat about the progress of the treatment, but first, Alexandra instructs Spencer to state his problem out loud. He blushes when that moment comes, knowing he has to say it, beating around the bush.

_"So, Mr. Pellegrini”, Alexandra smiles inwardly, "…repeat to me what problem brought you here in the first place”._

"Doctor, please, we've been doing this for over two months now, I don't have to say it every week, do I?"

"It's part of the treatment, honey. The same procedure is done in AA”.

"But it's embarrassing, you understand, right? It's not something I'd be shouting from the rooftops”.

"Stating the problem takes its power away from you. It helps you visualize and accept it. You can't get very far when you deny the problem”.

"Okay. My problem is…"

"Use the phrase I gave you, dear"

_"I…”, Spencer closed his eyes, with a mix of embarrassment and anger, "I'm Spencer Pellegrini, and I'm undergoing this treatment because I suffer from erectile dysfunction. That is, my penis doesn't get an erection when I want to have sex, and it's frustrating because it ruins the sexual experience for my partners”._

_"Very well, Spencer. You're losing your modesty, that's good”, _Alexandra laughed inside.

Sometimes, when she returned from work, she would repeat those recorded phrases on her phone, sipping white wine and recalling what was said with Spencer during the last session. Three months had passed since he had started his treatment with her. The psychologist, intoxicated arriving at midnight, talked to her black cat about the patient.

"Today he asked me”, she stopped to laugh, "he asked me which university I had attended. I told him Stanford, which is true and…" She laughed again, "he says 'I was about to get a scholarship in high school to go there.' Can you believe it? He wasn't even close! He was a lazy ass nigga in high school. This fucking idiot still has 17 in his dumbass head and boasts about things that aren't even true”.

Alexandra stood in front of the wall mirror, with the first four buttons of her shirt undone, revealing a large cleavage.

"Jeezz. I think they grew again. You know what they called me in high school? 'The chocolate milk cow.' I think the analogy is pretty clear; they saw me as a fat black girl with big tits. And yet…” She fell into the couch “…I didn't feel even a little sexually desired”.

Alexandra was short and plump. Due to her constitution, she had noticeable breasts and buttocks. She hadn't had the chance to lose weight, between the stress of work and her natural physical shyness. But she took care of her skin with creams and treatments, so she had no blemishes or stretch marks.

She hadn't had sex until she was 25, with a boyfriend with a similar build to hers. But before and after that, she hadn't managed to feel truly desired by another man.

"I was too good. That was my problem, kitty. But I'm ready to stop being good”.