Primrose's Interview - (Benthom)

"'What is your favorite color?' Really?"

"That will help organize the roommates by color."

"And if they all answer with a different color?"

"Perfect. Then we blend the colors together."

"I think we could sort the rooms differently."

"Fiiiine. Sort them by flammability. Set them on fire and rate by who screams the loudest. Don't worry, it's magical fire. It won't actually burn them. Producers frown on that apparently."

"Or we do a popularity poll and sort by results."

"Well sure if you want to be boring about it."

"I'd rather be the boring assistant than the lazy, lewd lizard lady."

"Well it's quite sexist isn't it. The guys are going to get thrown in the last room after they tank the poll, when men tend to do much better on the flammability chart."

"And? What's the problem? You prefer that the guys win?"

"I prefer they have a more fair chance. Women can do well set on fire too."

"And the suffering and potential PTSD?"

"Ugh. You're almost as bad as those OSHA people I had to eat the other day. I showed them unsafe working conditions."

"I'm not sure viewers will find a group of people screaming and burning very appealing..."

"Are you sure? I thought quite a few HH viewers rather got off on suffering." Some footage of Azure's show is heard. "There, look at those ratings."

"And who knows, if we add you to the poll, you might end up in first place."

"Hmmm. Shar only got third in hers... Okay I'm in."

"Dragons are more badass than Vampires."

"Sucking up will not get you out of the catsuit."

"Wouldn't say I didn't try..."

Prim had asked her roommate Donna to help her find something to demonstrate to her boss that she was trying. A book, seminar, maybe even a psychiatrist to prove to Mr. Calvin that she'd be alright. He'd been concerned about her for some reason, told her that she needed to improve her work-life balance if she wanted to avoid burning out. He'd decided to clear her calendar until next Monday and said that her only assignment for the week would be to figure out what she would do to take care of herself.

She'd been annoyed by it for a while. She liked working hard. She liked being the first one to the office, and the last one to leave. It helped her make sure she knew she was the best, and that she could keep climbing. Maybe if she kept plugging away, in five years she could be at the same position as Mr. Calvin.

But Donna had convinced her to make the best of it. Even if her boss didn't know what he was talking about and "burnout" wasn't a real thing, having an outlet of some sort might be helpful. So Donna had called out sick to help. They'd had a productive first few hours. They'd worked on a list together of places she could reach out to or books they could order online. Donna had eventually suggested that they take a little break. She'd found some reality show online, a dating show that was on some network she'd never heard of called HHN.

Prim usually didn't like reality shows. When she decided to watch anything on TV for fun, it was usually some political drama filled with monologues about duty and society. But Donna was her usual impossibly upbeat self, and so Prim decided to indulge her as it opened with a red-headed woman in a redder dress trying to hype the audience with promises of change and bringing a whole new twist to the show. They watched as the show's bachelor was introduced and then the rest of the men. She hadn't thought Donna was into something like this, but if things got weird then she could always ask to turn it off. And so the red woman unveiled the change, and the rest of the men were turned into women in the blink of an eye.

"What the hell was that!" She asked Prim. This was supposed to be a reality show. That couldn't have been real. Right?

"I told you one of my witchy friends sent this to me." Donna replied, not fazed by the transformations.

"I thought you meant burning sage witchy, not eye of newt witchy!"

"Is it too much? We can stop here if you need."

"No." Prim tried to relax. "This is more interesting than I expected."

And so they kept watching. The eight new women got additional transformations and modifications and they were given the run of the set to explore. The girls of the cast had their own time with the show's bachelor, which they kept referring to as the master since they weren't actually asking him to choose like most dating shows.

The season flew by. Even though she didn't like all the girls on the show, there was something relaxing about seeing things develop and the cast grow closer. She liked the redhead among the contestants, who it seemed like had been given a dream role. She had a job, one that gave her plenty of responsibility and influence but was focused enough that it could be perfected.

When she mentioned that to Donna during a popularity survey the audience had been asked to take when the show first aired, her best friend laughed. "Your boss gave you a paid vacation! How the fuck are you fantasizing about working right now?"

She felt her cheeks burning as she tried to explain herself. "I just need something to do."

Seeing that she might have gone in a direction Primrose wasn't comfortable with, Donna tried to reassure her. "It's okay, I should've seen that coming. Let's get back to the show, I think we only have one episode left."

So they finished the last episode. The oldest woman in the cast failed an escape, and was dumped at the master's feet. The Next Episode? button didn't appear, and so Prim got up to figure out what they'd get delivered for dinner.

"Hey Prim?" Donna said from back at the couch.

"Yeah?"

"I just got an email from my witchy friend, it's an application to apply for a new season of Harem Hotel."

"I thought they always kidnap people?"

"It looks like they want to ask people now. Should I fill it out for you?"

"I need to be back at work on Monday, remember?"

"You can always use it as one more place that you'd been looking into for Calvin."

"Sure. Let's fill it out. There's probably a thousand people that'll apply anyways." So Prim and Donna filled out the questionnaire and the release form. At the end, it gave her three options and to check the box for one before hitting submit.

She checked the box for one of them before hitting submit. "Ready for dinner?" She asked her roommate as the rain pattered on the windows of their apartment.

"Try not to fry this one's brain."

"I haven't fried a mind in at least a century."

"Well you definitely overcooked the memory wipe. It's fine though, pets don't need higher brain functions. And this one's gong to be a..." The sound of rustling paper is heard for a couple of seconds. "... cow? Never mind, cook away. Should definitely ask bra size on this one. Going to need a starting point for comparison."

"In my defense, that Pinkwolf streamer wanted her memory erased so she could fully enjoy the Harem Hotel experience. She asked for it."

"Yes but she was supposed to remember for the interview so you could ask about her Path choice. It worked out anyways at least. This one locked in lawyer though. That should be interesting. I love it when people try to sue me, saves on ordering take out."

"I'll add Pinkwolf's transformation paths after the interviews, along with everyone else's. As for the next contestant, I know her well, and I'm sure you'll like her. Now, if you have no further comments to add, may I begin the second interview ?"

"Oh I'm sure, I locked in the Holstaur path after all. Begin away."

"It's Kemonomimi, not Holstaur."

"Whatever you weebs call it. Same thing."

The broadcast cuts to a now well-known room as the host speaks her last sentence, interrupting her midway. The door opens and two women enter the room.

"I think this is the place. It's definitely different from where we were a few seconds ago. I didn't think they'd ask us to go into a barn to go to the interview." Donna says to Primrose.

“I still have trouble believing that this is real. Are you sure that witch friend wasn’t just pranking us?” Primrose asks.

"Well, if it's not real, it's a pretty elaborate prank." Donna answers. "Look out the window, there's snow outside and we're definitely not in the barn anymore."

"Is there somewhere you'll be staying for this? I don't know how long we have until the interviewer gets here." The black haired lawyer wonders.

Donna looks around the room and pauses for a few seconds at the now draped mirror. "I don't know, but there are two chairs. Maybe we can sit down while we wait for further instructions ?"

“We might as well. Hopefully they don’t make us wait too long.”

"Yeah, I don't know how long they have planned for your interview, but it would be nice if it wasn't too long with weird questions." Donna says as she sits down on one side of the table while Prim takes the other seat. Suddenly, a set of cups appears on the table and a file materializes in front of Donna. "Uh... it says 'Would you like something to drink ?' on the cover... 'The Milk is great' just popped up." She looks confused for a moment and at the same time, elevator music starts playing.

“Like the interviewer just wants us to sit here until we try their milk? If it’ll make them come any faster, then pour me a cup.”

The music switches to a weird remix of DragonForce's Through the Fire and Flames, but it still sounds like elevator music. The cup in front of Prim fills with milk while the one in front of Donna fills with hot chocolate.

"Okay... Do you still think this is a prank?" Donna asks, looking up at Prim.

“Probably not. Between the teleportation and whatever is with the cups, anyone that can do this is either the show or someone serious enough we should be scared.” The lawyer answers.

"Well... Actually... It's kind of a prank, but not the one you were thinking of." Donna seems to hesitate for a moment and searches Prim's gaze. "You see... I haven't been completely honest with you." As she says this, her blonde hair gradually turns into a pink hue. Her outfit also changes to a green suit, a white button-up blouse, and her hair is tied into a ponytail with a green ribbon. The outfit is identical to the assistant's before she mysteriously caught fire.

“Donna?” Primrose asks, stunned.

"There was never a witchy friend who sent me an application form to join the Harem Hotel. It was me all along." The host assistant looks embarrassed.

"How did you get the form? How did you find the show?"

"I work for the Harem Hotel. I was tasked with finding contestants for a season. I thought it would be a good vacation for you. You needed it. But I couldn’t take you away without your consent. I couldn’t do this to you. That’s why I made it sound like you could apply on your own."

“How long have you been doing this? You never told me about leaving the magazine." Prim accuses.

"I can't tell you everything. Just know that I've been working for them for a long time... It's not like I can just walk in and say, 'Hey, you know Harem Hotel ? I work for them. Yeah, the guys who kidnap people for a show where they're transformed and **** into a harem.' But you were so… tense. And you exactly matched their specifications. So… I thought I’d add you."

“How many people have you talked to about bringing in your roommate. Has your Producer seen me?” Prim is trying to temper the anger from her voice. Donna’s surprised her with things before. But it was usually just a weekend trip, or some dessert. Not…this. She wasn’t sure if she was mad about the idea itself, or just the lie.

"I'm sure the producers know. I don't think there's any way to get away from them, but they didn't stop me from telling you what I'm telling you now. So I guess they're okay with it." She lowers her voice, as if she's trying to tell Prim a secret. "I can tell you one thing. You must not reveal, under any circumstances, that you knew me before the show and that you asked to be on it."

“I can do that. What’s the theme of your season? It’s obviously not another man-to-woman season. Is your second job with HH how you keep affording those vacations and shopping sprees?”

"The name of the season is 'They Asked For It', each contestant has a secret that led them to be invited on the show. But in your case, the secret is that you applied voluntarily to be here. Oh, and Harem Hotel is my main job... But like I said, I can't tell everyone I meet, it's not something you put on your Facebook profile if you see what I mean."

“What else can you tell me about the season? Is the master someone from work? I can’t think of anyone else I know that could’ve gotten selected, unless it was someone that had a crush on me in college or something. Was it someone I represented?” Prim asks, but Donna/Little Miss just shakes her head.

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you much right now. It would be unfair to reveal things that the other contestants will learn at the beginning of the season or during it. Actually, I think there's only one more thing I can tell you. It's that I'll be on the show too, so I'm not leaving you in this situation alone."

Prim rolled her eyes. "I was never worried about that. You do kind of have a host's energy. But you kind of owe me if I'm going to hide 'yeah, the host's my best friend' from the others. If I was secretly a harem maker when I left the apartment every day, I would've told you."

Little Miss lowers her head, looking sorry. "I know it's not fair that I hid it from you. But would you have agreed to be friends with a kidnapper ?"

"I don't know." Prim answers after a short moment. "Maybe. A host's job is giving people the life they needed, but didn't know they wanted, right? You said I was tense." Prim stopped talking for a moment as she was caught in a thought. "Was this your first time considering me for a season?"

The pink haired woman nods. "I thought of you because you needed it and you fit the criteria. But I have to tell you one thing, not all hosts have the same attitude for their season. It's a reality show after all. The goal is to please the audience."

"Right. The popularity polls. They're going to hate me."

"I'm sure they won't. You're great." Little Miss assures, but her voice speaks of her uncertainty... "Well. I guess we don't have much time. We have to do this interview after all."

"Yeah, let's get the deposition over with. What do you need to ask me?"

The host assistant smiles at her joke and stands up. She goes to the mirror and puts her hand on the sheet. "As soon as I take this off, we'll do the interview and you'll have to pretend you don't know me and that you were kidnapped here against your will. But let's just say I've cast a spell on you so you don’t try to escape or get mad at me, okay?"

"Yeah, I think I can pull off 'out of it.' " Prim confidently answers.

"Great, I know you're the best. Let's go." Little Miss exclaims, pulling back the sheet to reveal the huge mirror framed by a dragon. "Welcome Primrose, I'm glad you could free up some time for us. How are you feeling?"

Prim sways a little in her seat. "Where am I? Mr. Calvin will be pissed if I'm not back soon."

"Don't worry about Mr. Calvin. You're on vacation and I'm sure he'll be happy for you to take some time for yourself. How about we have a little drink and we begin our interview, you can do that?"

Prim's hand moves slowly, as if drawn to the half-empty cup in front of her. "What do you need?"

“What do I need? Nothing at all, sweetheart. I just want you to have a good time and share a little bit of who you are with our viewers who are dying to know more about you. What do you think of this milk?”

"It's pretty sweet. Do you have any coffee?"

"Anything for you." The pink haired woman gestures with her hand and coffee appears in the cup. The assistant takes her place again and, with a charming smile, starts asking her questions. "So, Primrose, could you tell us who you are? Your name, what you do for work, your bra size, where you live, etc. The more you tell, the better."

"That's a lot of question's at once. My name is Primrose Farrier, though I'd really prefer you just used Prim. I live with my roommate in New York. She's a writer for a fashion magazine, I work for Whitney Gage, we're the third biggest law firm in the city. Do you really need to know my cup size?"

“I think your viewers will like it Prim. They have a lot of questions for you. Some even ask you what your favorite color is or if you already know Harem Hotel.”

"I like black. It's adaptable, it can be professional or quiet. If you really need to know, they're a 32B." Prim states as she studies her interviewer, deciding what the correct answer was to the last question.

"32B really? They look bigger in your pictures. A push-up bra maybe, or a good angle to make them look better."

Prim looks embarrassed at it being brought up. "Something like that. Do you have any more 'fun' questions?"

"As much as you want and even more. But let's continue. You told us you work in a law firm? Are you a lawyer then? Or just the pretty secretary who brings the boss coffee?" Little Miss asks.

"Not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary, but I'm a lawyer. Anytime I've brought someone coffee, it's because I wanted to." Prim retorts.

"Good, that means you're pretty smart. What's the capital of Assyria?"

"You're asking about Assur now? I thought the questions were supposed to be about me. If you wanted to talk about history, you probably know already I prefer Rome."

Little Miss claps her hands like a child. "Bravo! That's right, you're a little 'know-it-all' miss it seems." Her charming smile turns into a cold and predatory smile. "So that means you already know about the Harem Hotel, and you've already figured out that my questions aren't so innocent. That each of them had a purpose. Maybe you should think about your answers, don't you?"

Prim paled. "Favorite color, bra size, the milk. I get asking about bra size as much as I wish you hadn't, but you wanted me to drink. Is there something wrong with the milk? Favorite color feels like it could be going either way, like it's either a basic get-to-know you question or if I answer wrong you make me a sexy smurf."

The interviewer stands up and goes to stand next to the woman, she puts a hand on her shoulder and gives it a light squeeze. "Here, no need to stress, you're with a friend here. I'm just helping you be at your best for the viewers. Just answer honestly, well... As much as a lawyer can, and everything will be fine. Okay?" The assistant says before refilling Prim's cup.

"Here, drink some milk, it will help you."

"Yes. I can answer people honestly ma'am." Prim responds to the barb as she takes the cup, now full of milk. "I might take another drink in a moment, I just want to make sure this isn't an aphrodisiac or something."

"It's just sweet milk, but I can drink it right now in front of you if you don't trust me. But know that the show hasn't started yet, so there's no point in messing with you."

"Fine." Prim huffs. "What am I supposed to call you?"

"Oh, you want to know more about me? I'm so flattered, you can call me Little Miss." The assistant regains her charming smile and returns to her seat. "But that's enough about me. You're the star of the show and people want to know more about you, not me."

"What're the next questions? And are you comfortable with Little Miss, it seems rather diminutive for a host."

"I'm glad you seem to care about my name, but that's it. And I like it. Next question is, since you seem to have a roommate, what do you think she'd say if she knew you were in the next best season of Harem Hotel?"

Prim stared at Little Miss as if she wanted to pour her cup on her. What was her friend doing? "If I was to ask her, I think she'd probably be glad I was trying something new." She ended up answering. "Do you have any other questions about my roommate? I think she'd like to be on a show like this even more than me."

"And she would be goddamn right." Under the table, Little Miss taps Prim's leg with her foot to thank her without showing it. "But I'm sorry, this interview is only about you and no one else. And as much as I'd like to hear you compliment your roommate, I have to keep interviewing you. But we don't have much left to do now, we're getting close to the end."

"What's next?"

"This is something new this season, instead of telling the contestants what their transformation paths will be, based on their personality or who they are, etc. We ask them directly. So, I ask you Prim, right now, if you had the opportunity to ask for 3 transformation paths, what would they be?"

Prim takes some time to think it over before answering. "I'd absolutely want something themed around my job. Hopefully it'd let me hold onto a bit of my power and organization, and I'm curious what you'd do with a law themed path. For my second, I'd like some sort of animal theme. I'm not sure exactly what I'd want to name the path, because I don't want every[ animal on the table. Mice are gross, and cats are clingy and throw up the second you look away. But something like a fox's bushy tail would be fun, or something with antlers or horns has always been a weird fantasy. The third path is kind of tough. I'd probably ask my roommate for advice if she was here." Prim looked at Little Miss as she said that. "But if I had to pick a third path, probably something with my singing? There might be one or two things that could be done with it, but it wouldn't distract from what I care about more. What do you think about those Little Miss, since I can't ask Donna?"

"Absolutely want... I guess there's no need to ask you which path you would lock down as a possible and immovable choice for the viewers. Lawyer, is that it?" The interviewer asks.

"Lawyer." Prim confirms.

"That's a very good choice indeed, the others too. And now I'm sure you're going to have a great vacation in our Harem Hotel: They Asked For It Edition." The camera cuts and the show returns to the set where Little Miss is standing next to the host again.

"I knew you'd try to sabotage my interview. That fixation on milk, seriously. And the capital of Assyria? Don't try to tell me you weren't the one who asked that question. Good thing I anticipated it, at least this time I looked less stupid."

"I'm not sabotaging anyone, certainly not the cow to be." The dragon woman denies. "And there could be any number of Monty Python fans in the audience."

"You're not sabotaging the contestant, you're sabotaging me." Little Miss accuses.

"Nonsense. If I wanted to do that I'd just order you to sabotage yourself. I'm just having fun, and you're taking it too seriously."

The shorter woman sighs... Again. "Well, can I hope you won't add any stupid questions for the next one ?"

"Long as you got bra size and favorite color in there I'm good. Everyone loves a good cyborg."

"And now you're going to the spoiler zone? Directly? Fantastic..."