You try to condition yourself

Adapt. This is what you have to do. You decide to try to do it sooner than later. You are still hurting from what he did to you, but maybe it is for the better. You search for porn on the internet, you are especially interested in "hardcore BDSM" and "sadomasochism". You start watching. At first you are terrified, some of these women are being treated horribly, you can't believe how can anybody enjoyed being treated like that. But with time, you start to see something interesting in that. You slowly touch yourself with one hand, while pinching your nipples with the other. It's not easy to cause yourself pain, but you are trying to force your body to obey you. You cum for the first time when you slap your face especially hard while watching women being whipped without mercy.

You decide that you need more accessories, so you go on website of some sex-shop and order nipple clamps, clothespins, paddles and anal plugs. But for now you have to rely on your hands hoping that thanks to them your next day will be easier.