The god’s game (part 1).

Before I can so much as react, I hear a gasp. Looking up, I see that the girls now have the blurry eyed look of someone reading a status window. Eventually, their eyes refocus, and the girls exchange looks of shock before Lisa hesitantly asks, “Did you guys just get the same message I did?” “If the message you just got,” Ash answers, her eyes flickering between me and Em, her face scrunched in confusion, “was a rather informal hello from a god, then yeah.”

She shakes her head, then continues speaking. “I don’t get it, though? Why share this with us now? Why not before? And why did you guys need to talk about it?” Em shakes her head, arms up in a placating gesture as she says, “Wait, this isn’t what Adam showed me, I think… this might be the real thing.” As soon as she finishes speaking, all four women go blurry-eyed again. I glare up at the sky (because where else are you meant to look when talking to a god?) as I say, “If you’re going to play games, the very least you can do is fill me in on your side of the conversation!”

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But where’s the fun in that? No, instead, whilst I catch your lovely ladies (nicely done, by the way) up to speed, I’m going to let you know the rules for a fun little game we’re all going to play together.

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I open my mouth to protest but am cut off as a line of new text replaces the old.

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Before you winge too much, at least do the courtesy of hearing me out. I promise it’ll be worth your while ;).

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With a shake of my head, I sigh explosively. ‘Are all gods this much of a pain, or is it just this one?’ Still, some sort of System BS is at work, reinforcing the truth of their promise. Infuriatingly, I can somehow tell that this god honestly believes that whatever this game of theirs is, it’ll benefit me in the end. “Fine, what did you have in mind?”

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Woo! I knew you’d come around! Here’s how the game is going to go. There’ll be two rounds, each with the possibility of earning you and the girls some reeeeal nice prizes, you’re going to want this stuff, trust me ;).

Now, we both know what the end goal is here, it is what started this little chat of ours after all, so I want to make sure you know that I’m not holding your future children hostage here. You have my word as a god that there are other ways to achieve your goal, even without my help. My way is just the quickest, the easiest, and the most fun ;). So, how about it, wanna hear the rules?

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As much as I hated to admit it, I was actually pretty intrigued by where this was going. I pause a moment, taking in a few deep breaths as I mentally suppress my irritation. Whilst the annoyance I felt towards this god for listening into our conversation before interrupting us was totally valid, it wouldn’t help me right now. Pushing away a powerful being who was actively taking an interest in my family would be monumentally stupid, even if their blatant disregard towards privacy was infuriating. “Sure, I’m game.”

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Yaaaaaay! I knew you’d be fun! In the first round of the game, I’m going to use a little bit of my power to give the girls a sneak peek at some of the Branches (Profession specialisation options, like your Runesmith Branch ) you might be assigned if you accepted the Hedonist Profession, as well as some of the higher-level upgrades you would have access to with each path further down the line.

Obviously, the girls are going to have access to a lot of information they otherwise shouldn’t, so if you want to play, you and the girls will need to swear an oath to keep any information I give you between yourselves. To keep things fair, I’ll make it so you won’t be able to hear them whilst they discuss what they see, otherwise you could give them tips, which would totally be cheating!

The goal for the girls is simple, pick a Branch that fits three criteria, which are:

1) Pick a Branch that you, as the holder of the Profession, would put as one of your top three. I’ve roped your subconscious (nice guy, by the way) to judge this for you, so the result will be accurate even though you won’t get to see the full list.

2) Pick a Branch that will eventually allow you to have children with your family members without the risk of genetic complications should you so choose within a reasonable timeframe (which, I’ve arbitrarily decided, is within the next ten years). Let’s be real here, if given the opportunity (and the willing participation of those involved), we both know you’d choose to.

3) Pick a Branch with restrictions that they can all agree too.

If they pick a Branch that satisfies the first two criteria, then your Quest objectives will update in such a way that they’ll eventually be tested on the third, you’ll get have a peek at what they chose, and then we’ll move on to round two.

If they fail, then they get a choice. One, take a random forfeit (which will be fun for both of us) then try again, or two, give up and leave things to fate. Before their pick is judged, you’ll get a moment to look over their choice and see what criteria it failed, and then it’ll be time for something naughty ;)! You’re free to let them know where they went wrong after the forfeit if that’s what you want. The choice is yours.

The girls are up to speed and know the rules of our little game. Have a chat with them and see if they want to play together. If they do, just swear the oath, and we’ll begin. Here are the words you’ll need:

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I read over the oath, my last worry falling away as I don’t see any traps in the wording. Looking over to the rest of the group, I raise an eyebrow as I see their eager expressions. When they see the look I give them they share a knowing smile, before Ash says, “Told you he’d think we wouldn’t go for it.” My affronted expression sparks a round of chuckles. When the laughter dies down, Mum says, “Sweety, we each have our own reasons for wanting to give this a go.”

“Yeah!” pipes in Ash, “but none of us are thinking that if we pick the right path for you, you could get upgrades that’ll give you the stamina you’ll need to keep up with all of us, honest!” There’s silence as her words sink in, and I can’t help the smirk that slips out when no one says anything to contradict her. Amused, I ask, “and the forfeits? They are likely to be both public and explicit.” The girls share another look, all blushing slightly, but nod.

“Okay then, let’s swear the oath.” As soon as we do so, I hear a ‘pop’ as everything goes silent. Looking around in mild alarm, I see my family’s mouths moving as they talk, but none of the words reach my ears. ‘Oh, yeah, they did say I wouldn’t be able to hear anything. Still, a reminder would’ve been nice!’ my thought is confirmed a moment later as a notification opens in front of me.

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Bear with me, caller. Theeeere we go!

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I hear a pop and a crackle, then have to resist the urge to facepalm. ‘Elevator music? Really?!? How do you even get that reference?!?’ I listen to the painfully generic music as I watch the girls talk, every so often gesturing towards an empty patch of air. ‘They must have a shared notification? I didn’t know that was a thing. Neat.’

Getting the impression that this conversation would take a while, I look around for the porridge pot, signing in relief as I see Em had taken the pot off of the heat rather than abandon it to burn. Hooking it back onto its stand, I re-start making breakfast. The conversation still isn’t finished by the time that breakfast is ready, so I silently divvy up the food, handing out bowls and spoons and receiving grateful smiles in return.

Plonking myself down into a chair, I sit and eat breakfast as I wait for the girls to finish. It’s not for another five minutes, but eventually the girls reach a consensus. They turn to me, each looking conflicted. I expect my hearing to return, but it doesn’t. Instead, a notification takes up my vison.

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The girls have reached a decision and have chosen a potential Branch. Would you like to review the choice before the judging begins? You will not get a chance to do so after.

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I nod, and the notification is replaced by another.

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Branch name: Harem Keeper.

Branch focus:

• Harem Expansion.
• Sexual Prowess.
• Indulging Fetishes.

Requirements:

• Have an established harem (A polyamorous relationship meets the minimum requirements for ‘harem’ in the context of this requirement. Status: Complete)

Active Quest changes:

• The Quest objective ‘Lose your virginity,’ becomes ‘Lose your virginity during group sex with your established harem whilst inducting at least one new member.’

Branch pros:

• Two upgrades per level.

1. An upgrade from the standard Hedonist Branch (upgrades based upon desires of the user).
2. An upgrade from the specialised Harem Keeper Branch (upgrades based on maintaining and expanding the harem, with options available further down the line to cater to more exotic members or tastes).

• Attribute increases increased on Charisma growth.
• Access to the Seduction Skill.

Branch restrictions:

• Harem members may not sleep with anyone outside of the harem unless specifically invited by the Harem Keeper.
• Harem Keeper must be present during sexual encounters with outsiders.

Levelling restrictions:

• Failing to add new members to the Harem on a semi-regular basis will cause growth to stagnate.

Would you like this choice to be judged now? (Y/N)

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I could feel my heart falling as I read through the Branch information. ‘No wonder they looked conflicted. Is this honestly the best there is? I admit, if I didn’t know these women too well or if I’d only just met them, this option would be a dream come true. But this is my family, the people I hold most dear, not just in this world but any other. Constantly having to add new members just feels… wrong, more like they are notches on a bedpost rather than people I love.’

I swipe the notification aside and stare up at my family. I don’t know what expression my face held right then, but it for the girls it’s clearly easy to interpret, the looks of relief on their faces answer enough about what they thought of this option. ‘But why pick it, then? Are the options all really bad enough to warrant this as a first choice? Sure, some of the upgrades suggest that we’d eventually get what we wanted, but how big would the harem be by then?’

I shake my head at the thought, trying my best not to think about how great it would be to have any number of beautiful women ready and willing at my beck and call. ‘If the focus had been less on expansion, and more on fulfilling the needs of those included (other than me), I might have considered it, but in its present state? No, not for me.’ the thought is confirmed a moment later when I mentally select the option for judging.

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Aaaaaand the results are in! Is this the option for you? I think we both know the answer to that!

Results:

1. Pick a Branch that you, as the holder of the Profession, would put as one of your top three. (FAIL)
2. Pick a Branch that will eventually allow you to have children with your family members without the risk of genetic complications should you so choose within a reasonable timeframe (which, I’ve arbitrarily decided, is within the next ten years). (PASS)

Waaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. It looks like that’s not going to cut it! What will happen next? Will the lovely ladies choose to take the forfeit and have another go? Or will they go home empty handed? Let's find oooooout!!!

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‘At least one of us is enjoying themselves. Anyway, why is this god acting like some sort of daytime TV game-show host? First the elevator music, now this, I am really starting to think something funky is going on.’ Before I can ponder any further, my ears pop again as sound returns, just in time to hear Lisa say, “we’ll… take the forfeit.”

We turn as a group as, off to the side of camp, a blank roulette wheel pops into existence, then begins spinning with a ‘click-click-click-click’. Gradually, the wheel slows, then comes to a complete stop. The selected section lights up with a flash, revealing a glowing set of words, our forfeit. The words read:

Mummy teaches the class how to give a proper blowjob.