Heartbreak at Home

Jasmine took the long way home, wanting to relish the warm feeling in her chest as long as she could before she had to confront the other big feelings buried underneath. She had been in love before, so she recognized what she felt. When she had first met Kami, she had felt the same thing. Well, the same thing, but not nearly as strongly. What she felt for Kami was a spotlight, but what she felt for John was the blazing summer noon-day sun.

The long way home, though, can't indefinitely extend the trip. Jasmine hated confrontation, but hiding from Kami in her car wouldn't be fair to John. She wanted her new relationship to be built on trust, on truth. If she couldn't tell Kami, then she might as well give up on a future with her man.

Kami's car was in the driveway. The lights were still on inside, so Jasmine knew what was coming. A big part of her didn't want to go inside, not because she knew she would be breaking her wife's heart, but because she felt so much shame. Shame for betraying who she used to be, shame for turning her back on her friends and family. When Jasmine allowed it, the shame was almost overwhelming, especially when she wasn't around John. To give everything up, to completely change her life for a man, two days ago would have been unthinkable. Had one of her friends done the same thing, she would have mocked them, shunned them, just as Kami would. But that was before today. That was before she discovered her love for John.

Now everything was different.

As quietly as she could, Jasmine put her key in the lock, turned it, and walked into the house. She could hear Kami in the bedroom moving around and talking to herself.

"Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel," then a thump and a crash, "Fuck!"

Jasmine locked the door behind her, dropped her clutch on the side table, and hurried to see if Kami was okay. Just because she was replacing Kami with John didn't mean she had stopped caring for her, after all.

"Kami! Are you alright?" she hurried down the hallways, her heels clicking on the hardwood.

"Shit shit shit!" came Kami's voice, obviously frustrated, "How do you do that so quickly?"

What Jasmine saw in the bedroom was not what she expected at all. Kami was on the floor, next to a lamp that had knocked off the night stand. On her face was a look of bitterness. On her feet were a pair of four inch heels from Jasmine's own collection.

"What are you doing?" Jasmine said, kneeling down next to her wife, "Kami, why are you wearing my shoes? What are you trying to do?"

"How was your date?" Kami spat, bitterly.

"Oh," she said, "You know."

They stared at each other for a minute that lasted a lifetime. Jasmine felt her insides churning, the conflict within far worse than that conflict without. Then, with tears beginning to well up in Kami's eyes, she broke the silence.

"Kami," she said, "I will always love you. What we have, what we had, was real and true. It's just that I've met someone. It's a man."

Kami exploded at that.

"Of course it's a man!" Kami shouted, "There I was, minding my own business, and suddenly I get a text message from someone on the Pride Committee with a picture of my wife on a date with this man!"

"Shit," Jasmine said quietly, her face turning red, "So I guess everybody knows then."

"So I think to myself, no big deal," Kami continued, "She's just out with a friend from work, or someone from school, or something like that. Then I take a closer look. Then I really look at him." The tears start to pour out of her eyes and she starts to sob, "He's perfect. He's so..."

"Kami," Jasmine interrupted, "I love him."

"I know!" Kami screamed, "And he deserves you! You're the most wonderful woman I've ever met, and a guy like that needs a woman like you. It's just..."

Kami collapsed into Jasmine's chest, tears soaking her breasts.

"It's just that you love him too," Jasmine said, realization coming to her like a light being switched on. Of course Kami loved him! She was a lesbian, after all. Why wouldn't she love John?

"And how can I compete with someone like you Jazz? You're funny, and sexy, and clever. You're what guys like. Me? I'm not. My whole life is built around being one kind of woman, and now if I'm going to have any chance at all with him, I have to become something else."

"So you thought that trying to walk in my shoes might be a step in the right direction."

"I can't even do that right," her voice was flat. It was like all hope had left her. And, Jasmine realized, it probably felt that way. She could understand completely. What would it be like if John decided that she wasn't worthwhile? It would be Earth shattering.

But what could she do? She wasn't in charge of what John liked. Jasmine was just lucky that he already had held a crush for her all these years. Would John even give Kami the time of day?

"No," Jasmine said, pushing her wife away from her, "Stop it."

"What?" Kami said, wiping her eyes.

"I am in love with John. I will do anything to make him my man. But," she said, "that doesn't mean he shouldn't have more. The way I see it, it's up to him who he wants to love. You, my dear, are an amazing wife. So maybe you don't look the part right now, maybe you need some fine tuning, but I am the world expert in being married to you, and I think John would be lucky to have you."

"What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying, my dear," Jasmine said, "is that you and I have some work to do."