I plop on the bed.

I'm naked on the bed. I saw the panel on the wall that Avery mentioned, but I'm suddenly really tired. My vision blurs and sleep just overtakes me.

I feel cold, alone. I'm a long, hairy lumpy creature. I don't feel like me. I wander through my cave like a troll looking for food. I scratch my chest and grunt.

A golden rat crawls up to my shoulder.

"You are a mistake. Die." He chuckles. I brush it off, and try to ignore it.

I'm in an abandoned house. A mansion. It's huge.

I notice something shiny on the ground.

It's a doll. It's soft and cute. I like this. It's very good. I wish I could be like it. I pick it up, and tears fill my eyes...

I look back at the what I thought was a troll, but it's not. He's got soft, emotion filled eyes. He's strong and protective. He wasn't even ugly. A strong icon, a warm pair of big hands. I give him a kiss on his nose. He smiles, feeling better. I, the doll smile back, protected.

I realize, understand and appreciate who he is... but that's not me. I touch my face, it's cold. Plastic. Fake. I turn to the broken glass, and my reflection is a pale imitation. I'm not soft or beautiful...

The warmth disappears, and I fade into a new terror. I'm surrounded by people with masks. One is doing my nails, the other calls me beautiful while putting lipstick on me, but the mirror reveals my shattered image. The piercing blue burn of my own glassy, terrifying gaze makes me want to vomit. I feel like a toy to be played with by dancing flesh puppets of deception. One calls me beautiful to my face, and then snickers from behind.

The golden rat returns, "You're a sin. Disgusting!" He giggles.

My chest becomes tight, breathing becomes difficult. I feel alone-- when suddenly.

Fire. Furious, burning fire. Red hellfire explodes around me. My ears rupture from the sound.

The rat screams and runs.

That icon. The blistering points. The mesmerizing curves. An unfettered fury boils my blood. My stomach churns, and I spew vomit. My throat burns, my vision blurs, but I see it. That icon. I reach out, and it burns my hand, but I grip it tightly.

I am not a doll.

I am not a troll.

I am me.

Screams surround me. "YOU ARE YOU." Chants. They pound my mind.

Nine hands reach out to me.

With each touch I am renewed.

The first, "You are found."

The second, "You are loved."

The third, "You are fulfilled."

The fourth, "You are generous."

The fifth, "You are calm."

The sixth, "You are blessed."

The seventh, "You are peaceful."

The eighth, "You are honest."

The ninth, "You are loyal."

I close my eyes as the burning pain starts to feel good.

I am me. I am masculine, I like masculine things, I like doing things boys do.

I am me. I am feminine, I like feminine things, I like doing things girls do.

That golden rat can suck it, I'll burn down here with the cool kids.

I smile, the screams cheer me on. I am me. I am beautiful.

I wake up, shaking.