Reflection

I hate hospitals, I mean, I don't think anyone likes them, it's like, no one likes visiting a crematorium, do they? I think it's natural to be averse to things we associate with illness, pain, death, that whole thing. It's easy to forget all the good these places do when your mind goes to the smell of chlorine, obnoxious hypochondriacs, and exhausted staff. That is, until something truly good happens, then, suddenly, you never want to leave. Luckily for our sanity, that's not really an option.

Mum decided to stay with Jasper and Minnie, meanwhile Camille offered to go and get their house ready for the new arrival, leaving the four of us... And Jenny... And a dilemma.

I mean, come on, the four of us are obviously going to my place to celebrate, what could have been a disaster turned into one of the best days in recent memory... Or any memory actually. Now, I would never consider inviting Jenny into my home, in the same way I wouldn't invite a live crocodile... But that crocodile is the one who brought my soon-to-be sister-in-law to the hospital, and potentially saved the life of my niece. Like, am I the villain for not wanting to invite her, to be fair, what was she going to do, not react to a woman in labour? Any decent person would have done the same. But that's kinda the point, isn't it? If Jenny's decent too then I'm in the wrong for holding a grudge. I hate maturity.

All of us finally exit the hospital, instantly being whacked by the fresh spring air, it's almost like surfacing from swimming, I can finally breathe free again. Rouge is the first to break the silence. "Right, so we're drinking at mine for a celebration, right?" She decides for us. Elise give s a big thumbs up and Trish simply laughs as we head towards her car. I realise Jenny's broken off from the group. God fucking damn it.

"Hey!" I bark at her. "Where do you think you're going?"

Jenny spins back to face me, her expression part fear and mostly shock. "I... Gene's isn't far, I was just gonna-" She begins before I raise my hand.

"No chance, what, you think we're the type of people not to show gratitude when you help one of ours? I'm offended, you're coming whether you like it or not." I order her. The worst bit is, that's genuinely the nicest way I could manage to say it. Here's the thing, I refuse to sink to the level of people that made my life a misery, and part of that is proving I would do things differently in their shoes... Plus, there's alcohol, so worst case scenario I'll just keep going until I can't remember she's there.

Jenny looks hesitant, I suppose if it were the other way around I'd be just as apprehensive. Honestly, I'd assume she was planning to murder me, so I'm not sure there's much I can say to persuade her. It's Trish that comes to the rescue, walking closer and grabbing Jenny by the arm.

"Trust me, when either of them get like this there's no arguing, you're coming with us." She explains as she pulls my half-sister along with us to the car.

Today's a good day, it'll take more than Jenny to ruin it.

*

"To Sienna, and her name technically being related to the colour red." Rouge toasts, raising her glass. The car ride here was a tad awkward, given how small Trish's is, almost wish she'd traded it in for the camper van already, at least then we'd be able to fit in without being so close to Jenny. But then I'd be less close to Elise, and I never want that. Love is all about sacrifice, in this case, worth it.

We've convened in the living room, it's mostly been small talk, with Jenny barely speaking apart from her pleases and thank yous. Do I need to play the hostess? Get her involved? It occurs to me that I really don't know anything about Jenny apart from 'shitty home life' and 'was a stone cold bitch' which isn't a lot really. Maybe if I get her to open up it'll be less awkward.

Elise seems to have the same idea. "So, Jenny, you got plans for after school ends?" She asks sweetly. I can tell she's feeling the same conflict I am, and she's trying to save me from having to be the one to build the bridge. Add it to the list of things Elise can do, architecture.

"Not really, honestly, after this year, I don't know if I'm gonna pass, so... Probably resit, then just find a job?" Jenny answers politely. Wow, I hadn't even thought about that, I suppose Jenny's grades wouldn't be the best with all the upheaval and being homeless... And Ashley... Plus, all of us are pretty good with studying so it didn't cross my mind that failure was a thing. Well, me, Trish, and Elise are good at studying. Rouge doesn't ever really need to revise, she just does it to help us out. No point in re-learning something if you never forgot it... She's gonna be a heck of a doctor or scientist or... I dunno, necromancer? Wouldn't put it past her.

"Don't listen to her, she gets like this every year, she always manages to just scrape by, jammy bitch!" Trish chuckles. "It was Amanda who used to be the chronic failure, only ever passed with a fluke or endless retakes." Silence fills the room as Trish finishes her sentence. I think we all try to forget Amanda ever existed, last we heard there'd been some fight at her new school and she'd been arrested, diagnosed with some disorder, now she's in a clinic... It's hard to hold a grudge against a disease... I hope she gets the help she needs, as long as she's far away form me, she should have a decent life at least.

Maybe that's why I've been so hard on Jenny. I can't be mad at the organ grinder so I take it out on the monkey.

"I... Shouldn't be here." Jenny mumbles, looking at the floor.

"Yes you should." Rouge answers immediately. Can't say I expected that, but then, it's Rouge, who can really tell how she's going to react? "You should've been here all along, we should've known about you, should've been able to help you, you should've been family... But one dickhead ruined it, so if you ask me, it's his fault for everything, you're just another casualty." She explains.

Shit, she's always been better at saying what she thought more eloquently than me, but nowadays she's even improving at saying how she feels. Makes my progress pale in comparison.

"Look, Amanda was... She was our only friend, I'm just as guilty of all the shit we got up to, but eventually, you've got to forgive yourself, because when the person pulling your strings says jump you say how high. Same for anyone, we just got fucked over by falling in with her." Trish pipes up. Honestly, I'd almost forgotten Trish was friends with them... Maybe it was because I used to have a thing for her, I let it slide? Seems unfair now that I look at it like that. "Besides, we're better off without, the new crew's cooler anyway!" She adds with a laugh.

Elise joins in the laughter. "Oh, you have to say that, you're dating one of the 'new crew', your sex life depends on it!" She mocks, pulling Rouge into the revelry, who shrugs her shoulders to concur. "I mean, we are cooler though, Rouge went on a date with a guy and ended up sleeping with his sister, that's pretty rock and roll!" She continues. Even I can't resist chuckling at that one... And neither can Jenny.

"Well, the guy ended up as my boyfriend, so that I guess it worked out." She smiles. It still feels awkward, but... I guess it's always better to laugh than cry.

Best to cry with laughter though.

Didn't I have something to say?