A clothing store...?

You and Callum fall in step with one another, eyes following Harley's bare, bobbing ass as she guides you through the spacious corridors of the shopping mall. The two Love Dolls are both up ahead, chatting away about who-knows-what, so you decide to strike up a conversation with your poor, game-deprived friend in the hopes of improving his chances with Allura.

"Hey. So, what's the deal? You hit that yet?

"Nah, man..." he replies, keeping his voice low, "It's been harder than I thought, especially after that last class on Friday. She pretty much just bitches at me non-stop."

Your friend smiles ruefully, rolling his eyes. "Gets along great with my mom, though."

"Well, that's something."

Callum's smile strikes you as a little more genuine following your tactful ice-breaking. Before long the two of you are chattering away as you'd always done (albeit a little more quietly than usual).

"She likes my parents too." you admit, "I get the idea that she's one of those girls who's all about family."

"Oh yeah? What makes you say that?"

"Well, she likes both our parents for one." you start, lifting a finger to correspond with your first point, "Alex is also a TA. So, she wants to be a teacher, and teachers usually like kids. Right?"

"I guess, yeah." Callum allows.

"Last but not least, she has brothers. She talks like what they say is important to her, so I bet at least one of 'em is older."

"Brothers..." he echoes. "Maybe that's why she acts so annoyed with me all the time? I remind her of a younger brother?"

"Could be. But, yo, I have a theory about all this."

"Spill."

"Remember the day the exam was assigned? When LaVerne called after her to dress sluttier next time?"

"Haha, yeah man. I'll never forget."

"Well, she did it. What do you think that means?"

Callum shrugs, trying (and failing) to avoid looking impatient as he awaits your point.

"She clearly hates him, but she did what he said. Just like she's done what her brothers said in the past. Just like she did when the principal told her to keep LaVerne's craziness to herself."

"Oh, shit. Did he actually say that?"

"Yeah, Cal," you confirm with a snap of your fingers, "but focus. What do all those guys have in common?"

You can see the muscles in Callum's forehead shifting rapidly as he strains for an answer:

"I dunno. They're older than her?"

"No, Cal. Power. They have power."

"OOOOOOHHHhhh...!" he gasps, having met with the full **** of your argument all at once. "That makes sense. You're fuckin' smart, dude."

"From what I can tell," you continue, ignoring his easily-acquired praise, "She respects that kind of thing. But, growing up, I bet her brothers abused the shit out of that respect - I mean, you know I would - so I think she's learned to be careful."

"That's why your elf is being such a bitch, I think." you conclude. "It's a front - Alex's front - that she uses to hold out against guys who try to boss her around."

"A front? You're saying all this shit she's been giving me is just a front?"

You nod sagely, noting the touch of irritation in his voice.

"Well, how do I get around it then?"

You pause for dramatic effect, throwing in a little chin-stroking to make it look as if you're actually thinking.

"Hmm... In your case?" you finally ask, allowing the rhetorical question to linger in the air for a moment:

"...I'd say just do the exact opposite of everything you've been doing, my guy."

Then you clap him on the shoulder and dodge the inevitable retaliatory punch that ensues, looking up just in time to notice that your party has arrived at their destination: the entrance of a big-name clothing store, little different from the dozens of other, similar establishments located all throughout the building.

"Man..." groans Callum, "I was hoping she'd lead us somewhere good."

"Like where?" you ask, intrigued.

"I dunno. Gamestop?"

Only now, after many minutes of patient instruction, do you finally regard your friend with a look of true pity.

"Cal." you begin, speaking in a tone that most would reserve for naughty pets:

"This is Alex we're talking about. Not Velma fuckin' Dinkley."