The Sword and the Cunt

"Halt, creature! Thou disturb my dream with thy petty robbery. Stay your purpose!" The voice sounded thunderous and eerie. The princess tried to answer as she got up from the dirty floor.

"I am princess Isolde, daugh..."

"Thy name I know, blood of my blood. I ask for your reason to disturb my sleep." The statue barely moved at all, but her stone cold eyes looked straight to her. A halo of light shined behind her head, and her armor hid a generous bosom and a impressive physique. The spectre of angelic wings shined behind her.

Isolde tried to imitate her sanctimonious demeanor, to say what would be expected of her in such situation "Oh, saint..."she looked down quickly to read the name again "...Katherine, greatest of my ancestors. I come to you in a time of need, for dark forces have taken control of this Castle, a witch has poisoned the heart of my brother, the king, and now rules this kingdom with her dark arts. I seek a wepon of holy purpose to defeat her."

"A weapon such as this!?" The sword in her hand shined with white rage, blinding the whole room in mere seconds. Show off bitch. "This sword descended to me fron the heavens, in the era of strife, long before the fall of the demons and the decaying of technology. Only a maiden untouched by man, a virgin of pure devotion can wield it and use its power... Thou are not such woman."

"Well, technically..."

"Thou are not..."

Isolde had never been the best at keeping her proper manners for too long. "Ok, ok, but listen: a witch is in control of the castle, ok? A witch! Surely she is worst than me, ain't she? I may have lost my virginity with men, true, but this one has bedded demons and wild beasts. You don't like that, don't you?"

"I surely do not." Said the statue.

"Then help me kill her."

The statue of Sain Katherine remained silent for a while, her blank eyes still looking at her, her thoughts unknowable. Finally, she answered "To prove my worth, my enigma you must answer."

Oh, just great.

"I arise with the morning, the cold anounces my ****, warm is my touch, it brings joy and life. What am I?"

It can't be the sun, that's too fucking obvious.

"You are a cock." Said the princess.

Katherine's face was tainted with unending disapproval "It was the sun."

"Your clue for the sun was that it rises in the morning? What fucking bullshiter of a riddler are you?"

"One whose riddle you failed"

"Because it was too fucking obvious!"

"And herein lies your fault, young Isolde... You seek the hiden and the obtuse, when the light is so clear. You deviate from the path, you find the corruptible flesh when the sun shines upon you."

"You cannot use the sun as a metaphor for light, that is like the laziest shit ever. Don't you have some spare time to fucking read or somethig!? You should work on you vocabulary!"

"The path of light requires commitment. More words obtuse its meaning, and words shall ever remain true to..."

"Fuck you! Give me my fucking sword!"

The princess started to climb the statue again. This time having no care at all for it and even stepping over it with unnecessary hardness.

"Please, stop." Said saint Katherine.

"Give me..."

"Ok, ok, just. Just listen to me!"

"What!?" Asked the princess, her face now at the same height as the statue.

"The sword is a part of me."

"Like ...Your soul?"

"No... not that." did the statue just blush? "Its power of light feeds on my virginity, on my will to remain pure even beyond ****."

"It is powered by... your horniness?"

"I DID NOT SAID THAT... Look, you won't be able to use it to its full potential being... you know..."

"Tainted?" Asked Isolde.

"I did not want to offend you." Said the statue.

"No offense taken."

"Look, I sympathise with your cause, and I'm just a statue so I can't prevent you front taking it much longer. But it won't fully accept you. Its edge will still be letal against any creature of the dark, but it can be as dangerous to you as to any other, and you have to give it back once she is ****, ok? and no... sex... in between... Or after, or it's power will be corrupted and fade away, you understand?"

A corrupted sword of power? My, that sounds awesome. "I understand... wait, how are you my ancestor if you died a virgin?"

"Well... technically you are my sister's descendant..."

"So you did all the demon fighting and she got all the di...?"

"Enought!. Take my sword if you so wish, but leave my sight!" Said saint Katherine, her thunderous voice and commanding presse returning to her.

Isolde accepted the gift with a smug smile, the hilt burned in her hands but it was a sweet and soft pain. It will burn deeper when I cut the bitch's head with it. "Oh yes, the witch shall die by the holy light..."

And only the true queen shall reign.