Human pseudo-barbarian

You flick your way across the various shapes lined up in front of you and then back again, still unsure of what to pick. Eventually, you’ve pretty settled for playing as a human, since they’re closest to yourself and you don’t want anything too fancy just yet, but prefer to go with what you know.
Incidentally, that was more or less how it went back in your role-playing days during your school years, you would almost often play as a human warrior, unless you’d come with some particularly absurd concept (Kobold bard!) which you’d play for a few sessions before returning to your sword-slinging, axe-wielding ways.

In fact, you played the role of buff human male so often that when your Game Master got hold of Shadowrun and decided to expose you and the rest of the group to it, you instantly sat down and rolled your stats. As he watched you choose your abilities, your GM finally did a facepalm and let out a “Jesus! You’re still gonna play a barbarian?!”

Remembering that episode from your youth, you begin rifling through the unclothed figures yet again, not stopping until you come across the one which you’re positive is the biggest and the brawniest of them all.
A strapping figure with bulging muscles in all the right places, you’re only surprised to find him being 6’8 because his bulk makes him seem even taller still. Of course, a 5 inch cock or something like that would look absolutely ridiculous on such a massive frame, but your pleased to note that your prospective new you is equipped with a veritable horse-cock; a 12 inch behemoth which, fittingly enough when considering the uncivilized ambiance that you’re going for, is uncircumcised.

You’ve decided that this is your figure of choice, and before you know it you’ve suddenly taken possession of it, the transition into your new body having transpired instantly and flawlessly.

Closing your new right hand over and over again, you’ve just started to settle into your body when a blue message screen suddenly pops up in front of you.
Reading it, you find that it says “Warning! This body comes with a prototype sexual recreation unit. Do you wish to play with this option activated?” The “prototype” bit is underlined and seems important enough, and there is a “Read More”-option, but you’ve already decided that you’re just doing this for shits and giggles, and so you opt for “Yes” without any further reflection needed, and so the blue message screen disappears.

However, it’s soon replaced by another one, which fills up the entirety of your field of vision, and you hardly need a lot of time to realize that this is your stats and abilities. You note happily that none of your primary stats are below average, your intelligence is even higher than 11, which is pretty much the perennial median, and that your strength and dexterity are both very high.
As for skills, you note that fighting is really your forte, particularly when it’s up close and personal, but that your computer skills are pretty low. Social skills seem about average, but you’re good at intimidating people. Go figure…
By now, a smaller blue window has appeared in front of the larger one, and this one is asking you if you want to change anything about your stats. Overall, they’re excellent, and you know very well that all of these point-based systems work as such that every improvement comes at a cost, so you pick “Continue” rather than “Customize”.

All of a sudden, the world is rebooted and you’re now standing in a giant shopping mall, as naked as the day you were, eh, designed. Normally, this would be the cause of some embarrassment, but thankfully the mall is completely empty, though far from abandoned if one is to judge from how many goods are stacked on the shelves.

The blue message window returns, informing you that “This is the equipment section of your character creation, feel free to stack up on equipment but note that beyond this point there will be no hand-outs. Pick only what you can carry.”
True to form, you start with the guns and melee weapons first, picking up a semiautomatic, sawed-off shotgun with no buttstock, a big fucking revolver which makes the one Hellboy wields seem like a popgun in comparison. As for melee weapons, you get your hands on a pair of seriously big knives, the kind which would have made James Bowie weep with joy, and a battery-powered truncheon. Swinging the club in the air while pressing its handle in your hand, you find that its blunt end fizzles with blue energy.
Great, now you have a weapon with which you can batter someone’s skull in and sedate him at the same time; so at least it’s a potentially non-lethal weapon.

As for clothes, you go for some baggy green trousers which look like something a National Guardsman would be proud to be seen in, a white wife-beater, combat boots in black leather, and a black trench coat. You then think about it for a little, and suddenly decide to step outside of the stereotype when it comes to your clothing.
After stripping down until you’re naked once again, you pick out a nicely cut but discrete shirt and a black suit which looks a bit too rough for you to appear as a gangster but perfect for the typical mid-20th century private dick (and speaking of dicks, you have put on a pair of boxers, simply because the weight of your cock is now such that you’d most likely bludgeon your thighs if you decided on going commando).
You top of your outfit with a black Fedora that’s suitably wrinkled and battered.
However, you also make sure to get yourself a soft bag, which you stuff full with some less stylish articles of clothing. After all, this game is all about sex and ****, which means that you’ll often have to get out of your clothes and they will occasionally be spattered with (though hopefully not yours).

Now you’re dressed to kill, but you return to the guns and ammo section to make sure that you’re even better at performing the actual killing part. Stocking up on ammo, you slip the shotgun and revolver into a double holster, placed so that the butts are facing forwards, while one knife is strapped in a sheath against your left ribs. You then pick out a smaller semi-automatic pistol, and stuff it into a shoulder holster that goes on your right side, and a snub-nosed revolver which is smaller still and which fits perfectly into your ankle holster. You ponder equipping yourself with a machine gun, but finally decide that that’d be overdoing things.

The last stop on your little virtual shopping spree is the electronics department, where you pick out a wristwatch which not only tells the time, but also what the weather’s like (its cyberpunk, so it’ll be raining), and the type of small electronic personal assistant which appears to be a standard commodity. And you thought cell phones were bad…

Finally, you add a few augmentations to your mind and body, though nothing too fancy, just improved reflexes, something called a “gun link” which makes you better still at shooting things, and an improved sense of hearing. You consider getting the “AmpoMatic 2500 CLD”, a radio thingy which, as the blue screen so helpfully informs you, would be operated into your skull just behind your left ear. But you figure that it would just get itself stuck on the easy-listening channel (which you guess would be The Cure’s “Boys Don’t Cry” converted into a soft calypso format), and so you skip that part.

Finally content with your choices, you exit the store and step out into the “real” Virtual World.