Waffles

After a shower and a change of clothes you headed downstairs to find Lilly and Brie already at the dining table. Lilly had made your favorite, waffles. So much more superior to floppy, limp pancakes with their satisfying crunchy exterior and warm interior. Each square divot perfectly shaped to hold the heavenly combo of syrup and melted butter. Their rigid exterior preventing sogginess unlike disgusting pancakes. Truly the perfect breakfast food.

“Hey kiddo how you feeling?” Brie asked.

“A lot better especially now” You replied with a mouthful of waffle.

“Well I think you’ll feel even better after you feast your eyes on this”

Bee smirked sliding a folded piece of paper across the table to you.

Swallowing your food you hastily unfolded the paper which had what appeared to be a phone number scribbled on it along with a series of times.

“Uh mom I don’t get it”

Brie’s smirk grew wider

“It’s the phone number of that cute EMT from yesterday. You know the one”

She winked while gesturing the EMT’s most memorable ASS-et.

“Seriously!” You replied in disbelief

“Also I pulled some strings and got her break schedule”

“Shit! Mom you’re the best” stretching across the table you gave her a big hug both of you careful to avoid any sticky syrup.

“Joseph language! And really Brie do you think that is the most ethically use of your position?”

“Babe what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t use my clout to get my own son laid. Besides getting an EMT’s schedule is hardly the most unethically a politician has done.”

“Brie language!”

“Aw, c’mon babe weren’t you just telling him how I should support Joseph’s decisions. If he wants to go after a hot piece of ass, it’s our motherly duty to be on his side and I know you were checking out that phat booty too.”

Brie had opened the gates of hell with that one. Seeing Lilly turn as red as you this morning you took your waffles and ducked out of sight of the impending tornado.

“After all of your speeches and fundraisers empowering women you go and objectify some poor woman in front of our own son. What are you thinking Brie! You know we raised Joseph better than to reduce women to some eye candy for his own enjoyment…and if you think I’d be so crass to ogle some hardworking woman with my family in the same room you are sorely mistaken!”

Sighing you continued to enjoy your waffles while keeping track of your bingo card for the usual arguments and rants that came up every time Brie talked women with you around water Lilly.

“I hardly think enjoying the time and effort a young woman put into sculpturing her body is something I should be ashamed of, it’s not like I’m out there smacking her ass as I walk about and telling her how bad I want to tongue punch her fart-box! I’m in the sanctity of my own home discussing the physical merits of his romantic pursuits…”

Fart-box that was a new one for Bee.

You anxiously listened to them argue like alley cats till you were only two spots away from bingo. Secretly waiting for one of them to call the other a hypocrite or a closeted misogynist you were rudely interrupted by the loud chime of the doorbell.

Sighing you waited to see if either of them heard it.

“Rabble”

“Rabble”

“Rabble”

Clearly not.