There's an app for that.

Considering the approach is a pain in the ass, but after a few moments’ space of confusion, you just download a dating app your friend Kelli suggested the other day. Sure enough, almost as soon as you’re done making your profile, you match with George. You knew she still lived in town, but that was faster than you thought. Maybe it’s fate you’re going to use her for your trial run.

JandtheCavemen: Do you remember me?

It’s simple, but you don’t want to play around like you missed her so much and just want to catch up. You feel like that’d deflect right off her, anyway.

GeorgiaPeach: Yeah. Too-scared-of-your-penis-in-the-elevator guy. ; )

GeorgiaPeach: Sorry, but I do need my dates to be able to stand at attention.

Well, she hasn’t changed much. That’s fine. You don’t need her to be less cruel, just unwilling to let you walk away.

JandtheCavemen: Not a problem I have anymore. Meet me.

GeorgiaPeach: Huge red flag.

GeorgiaPeach: For all I know, you want to torture-murder me in the woods.

GeorgiaPeach: Which, I get it, but I don’t see why I’d just let you.

JandtheCavemen: Not a “no.”

JandtheCavemen: I mean, unless I’m the one who isn’t speaking “little bitch,” this time.

JandtheCavemen: It’s fine if you have to pussy out.

GeorgiaPeach: Hm.

GeorgiaPeach: If I was going to meet your psycho killer ass.

GeorgiaPeach: Where would you be wanting to “Saw,” me?”

You’d say it was too easy, but George spent so long tormenting you in college that you feel a rush of anticipation beyond just getting your dick wet, also thinking about living out an angry, hot fantasy you’ve had for such a long time. And so many choices for where. You’re pretty sure you could say “the broken glass and salt factory,” and she’d be too intrigued to not show.