The Terra Haute

Appropriate Action Music

I was not in the mood to ask questions, springing to my feet and crossing the creaking beams as numerous sparks and embers shot up dramatically. The occasional blue white jolt of electricity sparked from a nearby exposed wire, which had become exposed due to the crumbling masonry. My hand shot out to grab hold of the twisted hempen rope. It was thick, and braided, and I easily felt the slight stings as the bound fibers pressed back against my grip.

I Pulled the ladder away from the hole, and my gaze drifted upwards to where a large indistinct object could be seen hanging over the shattered remains of the restaurant.

With my free arm I gestured towards both of my companions, and was relieved when both Nikki and Maria picked their way across the burning floor, as the occasional crossbeam fell or piece of flaming debris jettisoned across the divide.

"After you!" I pulled the ladder made of rope towards me. There were even crossbeams on it, and it looked almost exactly like a ships' ladder, except for the part where it was hanging down from the sky that was.

"No, no, after you, I insist." Maria grabbed the other side of the rope ladder, and her expression bore one of nervous indifference.

"Whateva... You two talk, I'm climbin'!" Nikki shouted happily, setting her foot on the nearest small wooden section and beginning to ascend. Her weight made it a bit harder to hold the rope ladder, but I figured as soon as Maria was on it, I could just hop on and not worry about it.

"Seriously, go!" I nodded to the ladder as another small explosion ripped through the restaurant from the kitchen. It figured that they hadn't turned off the gas.

"I uh... I'm not wearing panties." Maria winced, seeming to know exactly how stupid it sounded. The floral dress she was wearing blew around her in amplification of the comment.

"Not like I haven't seen it before!" My free hand slapped down on her ass, and her immediate leap onto the ladder caused it to yank free of my grip and swing away from me so that it hung over the middle of the now flaming pit. Maria looked back in anguish, before climbing up another couple of rungs. Nikki was already far above, and I could see that there was a decent gulf between the hanging rope ladder and the creaking beams that marked the edge.

How far could I jump... well... no time to worry about that now. I took several steps away from the edge of the pit, and kept my eyes on the rope ladder. I could do this. I had to be able to do this.

Maria continued to move upwards, her eyes on me. She was shouting something upwards, but I couldn't hear it over the sounds of the secondary detonations and the echoing sounds of beams and falling pillars.

I ran as quickly as I could building up as much speed as possible before slamming my foot into the wood and concentrating on lifting. That feeling of just letting go and doing something that you fully know you're capable of doing and doing right.

There was that instant moment of, "This is a really big mistake" as I felt gravity take hold of me half way through my arc. The rope ladder was rising in my vision too fast. My hand reached out, trying desperately to grasp onto something, and my fingers caught the very last rung of the ladder, barely.

I held on tightly as the ladder swing away from the burning wreckage and began to ascend. I threw my other arm up and barely was able to grasp onto the ladder with my other hand as I swung perilously over the edge of the cliff. I looked upwards, and noted that yes, indeed, Maria was not in fact wearing panties. Not exactly the worst thought to go out on, but not something I intended to be my last words.

I hadn't done pull ups in years, and the thought went through my head that I was not going to die because of the inability to do one, single, fucking, measly, goddamn... fucking pull... up.

It was that last thought that allowed me to hook an elbow over the second rung. I took a breath and looked upwards again to see that there was some kind of craft hanging above me. Below me the restaurant suffered yet another detonation, and the platform that I had been standing on not a minute earlier collapsed with a echoing crash of timbers down the cliffside.

I breathed for a moment, noting that my companions had reached the top of the ladder and had entered into what looked like a hatch in a firm grey wall. Fuck, must be a flying saucer for all I knew. At the time, all I could think about was getting my knee onto the rope ladder. Once I'd accomplished that, it was a lot easier to begin climbing up. The huge vehicle was moving now, and I swung underneath it, mostly concentrating on trying not to fall to my **** in the pounding surf below, and make some progress on going upwards.

It was a long few terrified minutes before I finally took in the very clear markings of what looked like an enormous "Y" on the side of whatever I was climbing towards. I was in no mood to ask questions, and When I finally threw my arm over the edge of a metal gangplank, It was a welcome relief to be helped to a seated position by Maria, whose look of concern was positively ecstatic.

"I don't... know how you did it." She remarked, looking back at the devastation, which could be clearly seen through the hatch I had just come through.

"I had to take ballet as a kid." I remarked, slumping my head against the nearest metal fixture. "I uh... if I asked you where we are, would I regret it?"

"Probably not. Good news is we know the Captain." Maria laughed, pointing to a familiar figure who was coming down a ladder near to the hatch we had entered from.

For a moment, the beret didn't register on me, mostly because the dark pea coat over the khaki uniform was such a shock. When I finally realized that it was Helen who was coming close to us, I couldn't even find the words to express shock and disbelief. I think the open mouthed stare and the blank expression summed it up pretty well.

"Sorry we didn't have time to stencil a "Bat Ladder" on that." Helen laughed, and I couldn't help but notice the small silver eagle on her shoulder.

"If this means I have to salute you now, you can just drop me off at the next uh... flying saucer station... or something."

"Flying Saucer? Brent, You really don't even pay attention to where you grew up, do you? C'mon, I'll give you the nickel tour. And no, you don't have to salute me. Last I checked you were out."

Helen lead us along a few narrow walkways, down a small ladder, and finally into a large room. And I when I say large, I mean huge. The space looked nearly cylindrical, and along the sides of a long platform that dominated the main portion were set what looked like aircraft. I couldn't see too far into the dim, as there seemed to be lights set along the main work areas, but nothing in the rest of it. The entire room smelled of diesel and lubricant, and brought back memories of heading into the motor pool from my time in the service.

"So... welcome aboard the USS Terra Haute. One of three airships built during the thirties to be a flying aircraft carrier for the Navy." Helen spoke brightly, acknowledging the salutes of several men and women dressed in what looked like old school crackerjack uniforms.

"I've never heard of that blimp." I spoke calmly, trying to take it in. Maria and Nikki were also following along with us, but they seemed much more at ease with the situation than I was.

"No, it's not a blimp, Brent, it's a Airship." Helen explained with frustration. "A blimp is a politician."

"A what?"

"A big fat flaming bag of gas that blows up if you so much as look at it funny."

"Ok, right, so... three ships... you were saying." I changed the subject back to trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Right, the Macon, the Akron and the Terra Haute. Two of them were sabotaged, really publicly, by a guy who went on to a nice cushy government job. The Navy trusted the wrong guy. The third... well, when a war's getting started and you suspect somebody might be working for the enemy, you don't tell them everything."

"Wait, you thought I was working for..." I began trying to follow the logic.

"It made too much sense. You show up out of nowhere, hit all my fantasy characteristics, and almost derail my entire investigation into the theft of a classified Naval logistic support vessel by the Prasinos crime family. I had to know that you weren't with them, especially after you started hooking up with one of its members." Helen explained patiently. "Didn't hurt that you were a lot of fun to be around when I wasn't working. But keeping you in the dark was HARD. You just won't leave a woman alone! Most guys you can just throw Charlotte at and they'll be busy for days."

"I'm not really a part of that anymore." Nikki remarked. "If George would have just listened to me for once, we wouldn't be in this mess."

"So, Charlotte's part of this too?" I asked, enjoying the sight of what looked like a laser gun being test fired by a guy wearing dark blue dungarees and a white dixie cup cap.

"Yep! The investigation took us all over Big Sur. Had to deal with a whole fire cult that had a hidden temple, some nasty **** traps, got threatened with ravishing by your typical fat ugly bad guy, and finally the moment when we had to break out the airship because we're dealing with some Ninja Pirate Nazis who have taken over the hidden Airship base that has been there since the great depression but had been classified for years until the Prasinos found the data on the HSV-2's computer."

"What was I doing during all of this?"

"Brent, you regularly spend multiple hours in bed."