Duh

You step out of the other side of the portal into some kind of fancy ballroom type of situation. There's tuxedos and swanky dresses everywhere as well as copious amounts of red carpet and red wine.

"Whoa," you simply say, channeling your inner Keanu Reeves. "Whoa indeed," responds Grace.

You look around you and in just one quick scan of the area, you see people who look identical to Robert DeNiro, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lawrence, among others. But there's no trace of Grace nor Aphrodite.

"Look at your right shoulder, darling," you hear Grace's husky voice say. You do as she tells.

"JESUS CHRIST!"

A bright red parrot flaps its wings as you almost jump in the air, startled by its presence.

"Relax, cutie-pie". Grace's voice is coming out of the parrot, which lands on your right shoulder again.

"Why are you a parrot?" you ask, increasingly finding it harder and harder to suspend your disbelief at the whole situation. Yet, this is your new reality - endless amount of weird, crazy shit. "And where is Aphrodite?"

"Well, Skylar Jennison is at this party, and my human form is pretty identical to hers. I don't wanna cause too much confusion. As for Aphro - she's the Goddess of Love, she can't spend all of her time guiding the new intern. That is my job. Oh, and obviously, parrots talk, so that's another reason."

"Parrots are usually not as eloquent as this," you say drily.

"You don't often see a man engaged in a conversation with his parrot," Grace says. Oh wait, that's not Grace. The husky voice isn't coming out of the parrot. It's coming out of a bombshell in a bright red dress standing right in front of you.

Could it be the one and only...

"Skylar Jennison," she says and she holds out her hand. You shake it, hoping its not too weak and your palms are not too sweaty.

Something seems to happen - like a spark goes off in your mind. Skylar gets a vacant look in her eyes for a few brief seconds, and then it seems she gets back online. She is not letting go of your hand.

"I like it when a guy squeezes a bit more firmly," she says, looking straight in your eyes. "Like this," and she grips your hand tightly. Huh, that's weird. It seems like she read your thoughts just now. "Oh sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?" Skylar asks.

"Not at all," you say. You glance at her cleavage and then look back at her eyes.

"Did you get a good look at it?" she says, adjusting her dress so that you get a better view of her boobage. You feel like pinching yourself again. It wasn't some sarcastic call-out - she actually wanted to know if she could improve your boob viewing expsrience.

"Oh damn, I'm sorry... again. Was that weird?" Skylar asks.

"Not at all," you say. You glance at the parrot on your shoulder as if to say 'Did you see that?', but its hard to decipher parrot body language.

"Good," Skylar says, and she laughs nervously, removing a strand of hair from her face. "So... what do you wanna do? Oh and by the way, I didn't catch your name."

You tell her your name.

"Well, at least now I don't have to call you Parrot Guy anymore," she says with a chuckle. She touches your arm. Some kind of pleasurable warmth trickles down your spine.

"Oh, do you like it when I touch you?" she asks. "That parrot isn't your girlfriend by any chance?"

You fail to think of something witty to say to her. At that moment, a handsome blond guy walks up to her. You don't know his (original Earth) name, nor his fake Earth 2.0. name, but you might have seen him on TV a couple of times.

"Oh hey babe," Skylar says, and they briefly kiss on the lips. Of course she has a boyfriend or husband or whatever he is. Damn, what a lucky sunovabitch.

The guy catches your eye, and he steps away from Skylar. He has the same blank expression on his face for a split second. "Oh, I didn't know you had company, Sky. I'll just leave you two to it." He hastily removes himself from the situation, while giving you a sort of apologetic headnod. You stand there, flabbergasted.

Skylar looks at you intensely.

"I don't know what it is with you and your parrot, but... you're something." She smiles a wide smile. You break out in a sweat.

"What's the matter? I hope you weren't too bothered by me kissing my fiancé?"

"Oh no," you say, but you can't deny you felt a pang of jealousy as he kissed her, as well as some satisfaction when he sodded off as soon as you (accidentally) willed it so.

Skylar blinks absent-mindedly a few times and then says "Why don't I take you somewhere more private? I arrived here by limo, I can just call my driver to pick us up."

As you stand there developing an erection, she chuckles, as if scandalized by her own words. "I really don't know where that came from. We've only met a few minutes ago. Please do tell me if I'm being weird."

"You're not," you say, as your brain cells are falling over themselves to think of how you want things to unfold next. This is so unreal, yet it's happening: she's adapting to your innermost wishes and desires like a mindreader.

Grace the parrot decides to use her parrot skills to tell you: "What's it gonna be, big shot?"