I'll Fuck You Later. Kay?

The Crimson eyes of the Sharingan stared down at him without any sort of care or kindness. For all their beauty, they were also quite brutal eyes to look at. The Colour of Blood and with their tomoes spinning around within the iris, it was a reminder that Dojutsu were some of the most inhuman abilities in the entire Ninja repertoire. Everything else was mostly about manipulating the world around you, even most bloodline abilities manifest externally in different ways you could reshape the world. It was almost exclusively the Dojutsu bloodlines that instead took all of that eldritch might, and internalised it into a weapon within one's own body.

Turning one's own body into a weapon was defintily one way to describe the Sharingan. The rumours of its powers were insane. From being able to copy any jutsu the user sees, to being able to hypnotise people just by locking eyes with them, all the way to being able to see the future, the abilities of the appropriately named Copy Wheel Eye were numerous, and likely exaggerated.

Like her figure looking her over. Satsuki Uchiha was beautiful for absolutely sure, but there was no one single thing that stood out about her. She did not have the Brobdingnagian boobs of Tsunade of the Sannin. She did not have thighs that could crush a man's skull between them with a flex. She did not have an ass that could smother someone to **** with ease. She did not have any one specific area in which her body excelled to an absurd degree. But her every single feature was far above the average. She was like a delicate pastel painting of a woman, crafted with care and caution to make sure every little stroke of the brush flowed with what was already there, to create an image that wasn't necessarily the best at anything, nor was the most beautiful woman in the world, but was someone whose beauty could not possibly be denied by anyone who looked at her, whether she was to their preferences or not.

"Can you move?" She asked him coldly. Her frame was tense and he was almost afraid that she might lash out and kill him on the spot, but then he noticed the shivering and he realised he might have the wrong end of the stick. She wasn't angry. She was terrified. That was...

It made far too much sense. After all, this was Satsuki Uchiha, the last loyal Uchiha still alive. And sister to the Only Male Nin.

Itachi Uchiha. The Male. There were no other aliases for him in the Bingo Book or anywhere else. There didn't need to be. When someone spoke of a Male Ninja, they could only possibly be talking about one person.

It was a well documented fact that Males could not use Chakra. More than that, they straight up did not possess Chakra Coils, and as such could not only not produce Chakra of their own to use, but were unable to use arts such as Sage arts to gather Nature chakra from the world around them to use that. With no coils, they had nowhere to store it, but more importantly they lacked the organs with which to control it, to mould it. Even with a mastery of Sage arts and Nature Chakra, the most any man could possibly achieve was to hold a ball of pure energy in his hands, and be utterly impotent. They would have absolutely no way to do anything with it save for possess it.

Itachi Uchiha was the exact same. No Chakra Coils. No Chakra. He didn't even attempt to learn Sage Arts. But somehow, he didn't have to. Every rumour agreed on the fact that he was an absolute prodigy, a true genius, possibly to the level of surpassing every genius that had ever come before him. Without Chakra, he had proceeded to graduate the Academy years ahead of his peers, and then devastated the world of Ninja combat with his effectiveness on the field during the Third Shinobi World War. At first it had been due to the sheer inability for Female Nin to see him as a threat. That only lasted a few weeks, but despite that, even when Kunoichi with decades of experience went full out in their attempts to slay him, somehow he still prevailed.

If he could not use Chakra from his feet to stand on water, he would simply train his body until he could run fast enough to run across it. His sharpened mind let him figure out Genjutsu near instantly, and break out with the traditional method of grievous self inflicted pain. Ninjutsu were dodged, no matter how large their area of effect might be. Itachi Uchiha, if he could be given any other title, was the Demon. One title that had been jokingly debated for a while had been the Zero Tails. If a Biju's tails represented how much Chakra they had, and he had none... it certainly fit.

What came afterwards was both much better known, and yet also far more vague.

Itachi Uchiha, one day, seemingly completely at random, had snapped. Over the course of a few hours, he had massacred the entire Uchiha clan, down the last child, with the sole exception of his little sister. Ninja with decades of experience on him, with the full power of their Sharingan Bloodline. Ninja who he had trained with, sparred against, and fought alongside, he turned on. And slaughtered.

There were a thousand and one theories as to why. Some say the Uchiha had attempted a coup and Itachi had killed it dead, unwilling to turn against the village that had allowed a Male to become a Jounin, and quite possibly a future Hokage candidate. Others said he had been rejected in a confession of love to a Kunoichi who had caught his eye, and the years of being a child soldier and unparalleled genius had left him entirely unprepared for rejection.

The darkest of the rumours though, was that the entire massacre had been some kind of dark ritual. Some evil blood sorcery, that had cost the collective lives of the Uchiha clan to cast, and in return, Itachi had been granted the one thing that no other Male on earth possessed. Chakra. The average ninja scoffed at such a rumour of course. A Male with Chakra was literally impossible, and Dark Evil rituals were bumken, just the ignorant and uniformed not realising that Chakra was behind some phenomena that they couldn't explain.

But the rumour was particularly hard to kill. Especially when every new reported sighting of Itachi always noted one thing. His new, blood red eyes.

With such a thing in mind, was it any surprise that Satsuki Uchiha was now forever terrified of men?

He obliged her, removing himself from her lap with all haste and glancing over the other people within the clearing. Kasumi Hatake, the Master of a Thousand Jutsu, was easily recognisable by her eyepatch, mask and long white hair, while another girl with pink hair and a white and red outfit tapped her foot in annoyance as she waited for them to be able to continue.

"Hey! I was wondering where you were!" Naruko cried enthusiastically as she bounded over and gave him a hug, oblivious to her teammate's incredible discomfort. "Kasumi was just giving us some last minute advice. We're not going to be meeting again as a team until the exams start." She beamed up at him with a huge shining smile. "So that means I can come over and train every day until the exams start, isn't that great?"

"That's amazing." He said genuinely. "I'm sure we'll be able to get you using Kyuubi's power in no time." Thankfully turning his back on Satsuki had apparently let her get control of herself back after he had almost sent her into a panic attack with his mere presence. She stepped around the pair of them and re-joined her teacher and other teammate.

"So you're the one Naruko was talking about?" Kasumi asked even as her eye was buried in a little orange book. Hah. Icha Icha. If the Toad Sannin wrote his autobiography as one of those books, it would probably end up as the best seller of the entire series. "I hope you she doesn't end up being more trouble than you can handle. She's very rambunctious."

"Oh you don't need to worry about that. I know exactly how to deal with enthusiastic women." He joked, and he got a little eye smile from the woman in return for his innuendo.

"Wait! How the hell did Naruko manage to get herself a personal tutor? She's as dumb as a brick!" The Pink haired one began to complain. She was the least interesting of the bunch by a large margin, so he basically ignored her as Naruko began to argue back against her. His attention instead turned to Satsuki. Her Sharingan was still active and the glare she was giving him was entirely unearned.

...

Okay, it was earned, but not by anything she knew about!!

"So, what do you think your chances are." She flinched as he asked the question.

"Right now I'm not.... wait, you meant the Chuunin exams." A bit of pride returned to her figure, a confident smirk gracing her lips as she finally pulled herself free from whatever funk she had been in. "We're going to win. Sakura's Chakra Control is perfect. My Sharingan is already up to two tomoe in each eye, and my reserves are increasing every day. Even Naruko is getting better and better. She still loses all of our spars, but she's getting better at actually dodging my attacks instead of just trying to punch through them, and her clones are excellent distractions. We'll win. That's for sure."

"It's not entirely team based you know? Once you get to the final tournament it is all 1v1 bouts to demonstrate your Chuunin aptitude on your own."

"We'll win." She repeated, steel in her eyes. "Team 7 is the best Genin team in Konoha."

"Big words." He said, leaning down a bit to get closer to eye level with the girl. "I'll be cheering you on then. But how about a bet?"

"State your terms."

"Alright. It's this simple. If any of you get to the final tournament and successfully become Chuunin, I'll owe each of you a favour. In fact, since you are so confident, I'll owe you two. You can literally ask me for anything and If I can do it, I'll do it. But if none of you become Chuunin, or even if none of you make it past the first two stages of the Exams, then your team has to be my escorts for the rest of my time in the Land of Fire, and I'll only pay you a quarter of what that sort of mission would usually cost."

She didn't seem put off by the terms, but turned towards her Jounin teacher anyway. "Is that reasonable."

The woman considered it for a moment, before nodding her head. "Sure. If none of my adorable little genin make Chuunin then it will be the perfect thing to inspire them to improve. I imagine it will light a fire under them better than a hundred D ranks." Satsuki thanked her teacher and turned back to him. She didn't offer her hand to shake, but a nod and a confident smirk sealed the deal just the same.

"Excellent. And it would of course be normal for the losers to keep their end of the bargain and not try anything that could let them possibly weasel their way out of it." He said for finality, knowing full well he was also aflicting himself with the bargain. If he lost, he'd have to hold his end of the deal, and had sealed himself off from using another Normality change to get out of it. But that was fine. Whichever result happened it would be interesting. If he got his escorts, plenty of fun would be coming, but if he lost....

Maybe it would be fun to play being their magic genie?

"Well then, I should leave you to your team meeting." He said, straightening out and brushing imaginary dirt off of his trousers. "I've got a pussy waiting for me, and then I'll probably need to deal with a second one soon after. See ya."