Someone unexpected, with an equally unlikely agenda

Given your limited mobility, you weren't exactly the best candidate to answer your own door. Even beyond that, you weren't especially sure you wanted to. Maybe whoever was outside was just going to give up and go away? They hadn't actually knocked, after all... they'd just tried to do something that made the world of Shards of Arkus spit back an error message.

In defiance of your hopes, a knock on the door came next. Actually... maybe that wasn't so bad. You hadn't actually had a visitor nice enough to knock yet. Winnifred had simply barged in and started slinging her cross around, while the Sheriff's hunting party had given an even worse first impression, shooting your first minion. Rest in peace, little vampire. All of that was to say: a knock seemed cordial and welcome by comparison. You questioned in your ghostly voice at its most booming and imposing: "Who is it?"

"Just a traveler, Sir." The voice was gentle, eloquently spoken, and soft. Most importantly, it was another young-sounding lady! You were pretty lucky in that regard lately. Well, in the case of your new Justicier, you'd made your own luck there, so to speak. "Are you the owner of this crypt?"

It seemed pretty strange that she would just knock on the door of a crypt and start asking after its owner. Did any good, normal, well-meaning person live in a crypt? Still... you figured you were pretty nice, as far as crypt-owners went. Might as well keep things cordial. You answered: "Yes, I am the owner of this, the Crypt of the Pumpkin Lord. I am the leader of the Cult of the Pumpkin Lord! I am... um... The Pumpkin Lord!"

Pike gave you a needling jab in the side of your straw, then reminded you in a hushed breath that you weren't actually the Pumpkin Lord yet. You needed one more level up and a title badge before you could call yourself that for real.

The woman on the outside giggled. "A pumpkin? That's lovely..." She liked pumpkins? You two were going to get along great! "Would you be so kind as to invite me in, my lord?"

You were already eagerly nodding your bulbous orange head, dripping pumpkin goo messily all over your floor and shirt as you nearly salivated in anticipation of expanding your cult with yet another pretty adventurer. At the same time, something seemed to have occurred to Evilward; her eyes widened and her head shook furiously. "You idiot bastard, don't invite her in-!"

Too late! It was too early for Evilward to be getting jealous of other girls, anyway. What, had she already gotten a crush on you? That was sweet, but you needed some more time to get to know her first! For now, you ignored your Justicier's protests and encouraged the stranger to please, enter in.

"You're too kind."

In the next moment, a bunch of freaking bats appeared out of nowhere, jumping from the shadows of your cave, then screeched and swooped together, joining in on a central point. They seemed to clump atop one another, then expand into a dark shadow, like a figure hunched inside a cloak. That cloak opened to reveal a stunning vision of a lady vampire, with pale, gray skin, sweeping white hair running into luxurious waves down her back, and a perfect upright posture. Her shoulders were narrow and lady-like; in fact, next to your somewhat boyish thief, your lewd-bodied cleric, and your even-more-lewd-bodied ranger, she was the only one who had a delicate, feminine look to her appearance. Her eyes were serene, although full black, with no irises and a dull reflection of the torch-light against their surfaces. Her eyelashes were long and her lips were painted red; those lips curled into a pleasant smile, showing only a hint of the fangs beneath.

Her attire was full black, a long madam's dress with a bell skirt and a low bust-line, showing off nice breasts that were a medium size among your group of adventurers. You wondered for a moment how she'd survived outside, given it was still daylight out there, but you noticed a very thick, black parasol held under one of her arms. That must be a tool to help her survive as she strolled through the daylight.

What a beautiful vampire! You thought to yourself that she could easily be the event boss during the Halloween event, if she were dressed more threateningly.

Wait a minute...

"Thank you so much for inviting me in. Being a vampire is nice, but, you know... we do have that one weakness," the lady chuckled, resting the point of her chin daintily upon the back of one of her black-gloved hands. "It's a bit small, but I really appreciate the work you've done in decorating the place. Those pumpkin ornaments are simply darling... Oh, but your minions and your captives are all so dreadfully naked. Can't you give the poor dears something to wear?"

You told her that was all by intention. Really, you were just worried about losing face; only after the fact did you realize how pervy that made you look.

The woman arched one eyebrow, then grinned. "Really, now? I've never heard of such a scandalous pumpkin before... Oh, but my Pumpkin Lord, I must thank you again for creating such a lovely foundation for my new Halloween Event Dungeon. With a little bit of elbow grease, we shall turn this into an absolutely fantastic new Haunted Castle! You'll have a very nice spot in the choicest treasure room, I assure you."

You heard Evilward slap her forehead with one palm behind you. She'd definitely figured out what was going on here before you had. It turned out that this vampire had sauntered in here with the intention of inheriting all of your hard work so far, which she assumed, naturally, must be for her. This was the first time that you'd considered that unfortunate possibility: other Halloween monsters had spawned, just as confused as you were, and were now wandering around randomly, pondering how to start their own dungeons. You'd had a lot of help from Pike, which had allowed you to create this dungeon. Other than that, your experience had always been limited just to what you knew from October...

... And thinking about it, this vampire was even worse off. Sure, she could move around and learn that way, but the Halloween Vampire only spawns for one single day: Halloween. They can't leave their castle either, traditionally. This lady may be putting on a brave face, but you could only imagine the elation she must have felt encountering something like a friendly face, in the form of a minion type she recognized.

The bad part was that she intended to restore you to your original place: a loot pinata for Halloween activities.

You tried your best to nip this in the bud. Something in your DNA made you want to kowtow to this Halloween raid boss, but you did your best to puff out your chest and act like a proud boss monster. You explained that you and your cult had put a lot of work into this place and none of it had been for the intention of handing it over. In fact, you wanted to give being a boss monster a try! This was sort of your road to a new lifestyle, no longer bound to that hellish existence of being pummeled to **** for your spellbooks- setting aside that you'd resolved a matter just earlier that same day by pummeling yourself for the sake of your spellbooks. You told the vampiric lady that you were happy she'd come to seek you out, but you were sorry, this place hadn't been made for her benefit. She was free to join her cult, though, if she wanted! You told her that in no time at all, you would construct her proper cult attire!

"Holy wow, dude. She's already dressed as a Halloween character. Are you really that horny?" Pike interrupted with a skeptical scowl.

"Such a devious and insatiable creator is our master!" Winnifred added, trying to roleplay but tripping over her words.

The vampire seemed very amused by your words, hiding her smile with one hand as she emitted a small giggle. That wasn't the reaction you wanted, but it wasn't as bad as if she was angry. Speaking of which, maybe you ought to take a moment to inspect her stats.

Level 40- "Countess" Bathory, the Halloween Vampire
Monster, Vampire, Explicit

... You did your best imitation of a subservient bow, grabbing your hat crudely in both hands and dipping your head. This wasn't the type of enemy you wanted to piss off. This was the type of creature that was made to tank several parties of seasoned, hungry adventurers. The Crowmaster and his advanced level had been imposing, but Countess Bathory was something else altogether!

"Ah, Ickibod, you're a fun one! These jokes of yours are just the sort of flavor I'm going to need for my entertaining Haunted Castle!" The woman responded with glee, reaching out to pat you on your scarecrow shoulder. You figured she must have been glancing at your stats too, to pick up your name. "This is your cult, hm? My, my... The Halloween event sure is exciting this year. I've never seen such a cast of colorful characters. Oh, when I stumbled upon your crypt, I was so happy. You can only imagine when I awoke in my precious castle and found it an abandoned ruin, a shell of its former self. The servants always have it so pristine during the time of my summoning! You know, cobwebs and what not are the norm, but it's excusable in the service of Halloween fun."

All of this talk of "Halloween fun" was actually starting to make you feel a little bitter. So that's how it was for the once-a-year vampire boss, huh? She shows up, has a grand battle with all of the adventurers, they probably talk about how cool of a fight it was and how great her castle was, then she hibernates for a year. In the mean time, you get 31 times the days she does and that whole time is spent getting the crap beaten out of you while you're rooted in one spot, with people talking about how they're tired of even looking at pumpkins.

"So when I found this quaint little crypt of yours, I was grinning like a skeleton! I actually tried to claim it right away, only to find it was already inhabited. That's when I decided to try a knock."

Part of you was getting not just irritable, but also nervous. Pike had been drawn to you because you were a rarity in this world, right? Now that she'd found a much stronger monster, better suited for player killing and with the same degree of rarity- if not more so- was she going to defect to the other side? In fact, you could already see your various vampires approaching her and bowing their misshapen heads, hissing "Maaassssteeeeeer." Traitors!

Pike stepped forward and placed one hand on her hip, stopping nearly bust to bust with the intruder. You thought that it was a noble effort to look cool, but Pike was a few inches shorter and completely outclassed in the bust department... it wasn't a favorable position for her. "This place belongs to the Cult of the Pumpkin Lord, not the Cult of the Vampire Bitch. You can take a hike, lady." Crap! Her tomboyish nature was charming some-times, but it was going to get you all killed this time! Winnifred watched with interest while Evilward began to reach for her crossbow... you wondered if she was excited about finally getting to act like a real vampire hunter, with the way she'd always dressed as the Sheriff.

"This cultist is a bit rude," the vampire told you with a smile that seemed to be hiding a growing frustration. "Is what she says correct? That wasn't a joke earlier? You're going to run this dungeon as a pumpkin-head and have no intentions to surrender it to a vampire like myself- a natural born raid boss with superior qualifications?"

A whimper built in your throat as you told her that was correct. It was pretty hard for a pumpkin-head to defy a Halloween raid boss in general... defying one at the risk of physical harm was even harder.

The woman gave a wider smile, then stepped around Pike to look the others over. "Hm hm... We vampires are all about elegance and class. On that note, again, you really must fix the pants situation with your underlings here. But, back on topic: elegance and class. I'm not so boorish that I plan to deny any of you employment in my dungeon, no matter how rudely you may behave. Know this: we vampires do not resolve with **** what we may resolve with a glamour and we do not utilize a glamour where simple charm and logic may suffice. You already know that I'm capable of killing you and all of your minions. You should also know that I'm capable of hypnotizing all of you into being my servants. However, we're stuck together this Halloween-"

"It's not Halloween," Pike grumbled, unable to hide her frustration at how you Halloween monsters were always so damn obsessed with the holiday.

"I-It isn't?" Bathory seemed to lose her cool for just a moment at this shocking information, before shaking her head and returning her cocky smile. "Ahem. Of course it isn't. This is mere preparation for the Halloween season, which the gods have been so kind to grant us-"

"Yeah, preparation like... months of preparation. It's May!" Pike seemed to enjoy twisting the dagger.

The vampire stepped backwards as if recoiling, holding her hand in front of her mouth to stifle a moan of confusion. She sounded like she'd never even conceived that the season of May existed; like it was some mythical, made-up fairy tale. "N... No matter! Even with... without... Halloween-!" Bathory gulped, as though the thought of waiting several months for her favorite season to arrive was threatening her in some way. "Even without Halloween, we are all stuck together. We should try to enjoy each other's company. For that reason, I want to prove to you in an amicable way that I am the best choice for your raid boss... As if my ability to walk on two legs and equip an item in one of my dexterous hands didn't already prove that." She said the last part under her breath, keeping quiet for the sake of politeness, but you had to admit, it was a pretty valid point. You couldn't really blame her for taking the shot.

"How do you propose to do that?" Evilward asked; you thought you saw her getting fired up at the prospect of a new, previously untested roleplay opportunity. In fact, that seemed to be helping her deal with her new existence as a woman in general.

"It's very simple. I will prove my superiority in any competition that you'd like to name. If you or one of your cultivated cultists can beat me in any category, I will happily yield and register myself as a servant in this quaint little dungeon you've begun building. However, if I should conquer the four of you in each of your chosen competitions, then, well, you'd all really look rather silly to keep complaining, wouldn't you? You'd be **** to accept me as your boss- a gracious, graceful, natural pick for a boss." Bathory ended by stepping towards the throne and placing her hands at her hips, seeming as though she was already sizing up how she'd fit upon it. She ascended the steps with a clack of her high-heeled shoes against the stone, then stopped at the top. You thought you saw her face becoming a bit uncharacteristically flushed for a vampire as she pointed downwards. "Why... is there a hole in the bottom of the throne's seat? Is that for...?"

"Pooping into!" Pike joked with a big grin at your expense.

"F-F-For some devious implement to poke up through the button and insert itself into the posterior of the seated!?" Winnifred mused in inappropriate English.

"It's for the damned spike to stick through," Evilward ended the joking by revealing the true purpose. That Justicier really was a spoil-sport.

The vampire wore an awkward smile as she regarded the throne she intended to claim. "Oh... Oh, of course. We'll have to seal that up, of course. No matter. A small, insignificant task." Boldly, she sat down upon your throne, then placed both hands upon the armrests and crossed one leg over the other. You had to admit, even despite the pumpkin decorations, she looked much more fitting there than you ever had... or ever would, unless you could finally get some nice new clothes or a class change. "I did have a nice, long nap, but it's daylight, and I'm afraid that means it's well past my bed-time. Let's try to get these competitions out of the way quickly. Who would like to challenge me first? Do you need a cult huddle to plan a strategy?"

That you did. Brushing the mostly bare backs of your scantily clad cultists, you hugged them all into a strategy meeting, resting your tough orange forehead against their own fleshy human ones as you imparted what you hoped to be a winning strategy...

While keeping her dignified pose on the throne, Bathory tried hard to keep her eyes from wandering around the procession of monster cocks you'd left hanging out on all of your summoned minions. You could tell from the increasingly sick look on her face that she wasn't used to seeing so many lesser beings bare their dicks in her presence.

You'd come up with something that might help- to be revealed in your own sweet time- but you needed one more thing. You asked the others to reveal their skill lists. That ought to make it pretty apparent if they had anything super enough to allow them to outdo the vampire and win the competition fair and square.

"Huh? I just assumed we were cheating," Pike added, not seeming as though she was joking this time. Still, she and the others revealed their skill lists. You ignored feats for now... what you needed was all skill related, not battle related.

Pike
Skills:
Mining (Basic)
Wood-Cutting (Basic)
Fishing (Basic)
Traps (Basic)
Looting (Ultra)
Lockpicking (Ultra)
Burglary (Advanced)
Escape Artist (Advanced)

Winnifred the White
Skills:
Dyeing (Basic)
Sewing (Basic)

Evilward
Skills:
Mining (Basic)
Wood-Cutting (Basic)
Fishing (Basic)
Traps (Advanced)
Bomb Crafting (Ultra)
Potion Crafting (Ultra)
Tome Crafting (Ultra)
Cosmetics Crafting (Ultra)
Equipment Crafting (Ultra)
Enchanting (Advanced)
Curse Removal (Advanced)
Bartering (Advanced)
Accounting (Advanced)

Pike's were the sort you could expect from a thief. Perhaps she could beat the vampire in a related challenge? Winnifred seemed... well... completely useless. Her skills were severely underdeveloped and, moreover, the vampire seemed very fashion forward. She wasn't likely to be beaten in a contest of clothes design. Finally, you came to Evilward's... The former Sheriff, new Justicier might just be your ace in the hole. She had all kinds of abilities trained to great levels. It was hard to imagine the vampire was capable of replicating all of that. There would surely be a weak point somewhere in her repertoire! You congratulated your sour companion on her fine list of abilities.

"Oh, so now you think it's cool? After making me look like an idiot when I tried to use my bomb against the Crowmaster?"

It seemed she hadn't let that go yet. You apologized again and quietly begged her to help you, in a voice subdued enough so that the vampire challenger wouldn't hear.

The Justicier rolled her eyes, then put on a smirk that looked a bit like her old self. "Fine, fine. I guess if you're acknowledging how great my skill sheet is, I'll have to give you a demonstration." She seemed like the type who would be pretty easy to manipulate if you just relied on appeasing her ego...

Now that you'd seen everyone's skills, you thought you had a decent chance... You'd been worried, since, after all, your only skills involved appraising and de-cursing skill books. However... You also had one more trump card that you thought the vampire probably hadn't considered yet!