Posing for the team photo

"So," you say, lacking any more graceful way to bring things back to your own accomplishments, "I don't mean to pat myself on the back too hard, but we should save getting to know each-other better for a bit later. While on my way in on public transit I caught an invisible woman molesting random high school girls on the train, and, uh, didn't have time to detour to the police station. She's being held onto by Bea- a, another heroine right inside the main entrance. Don't worry, Mort - she isn't inside any security perimeters, so your lab is totally safe." The only response you get to that is a haughty little sniff by the shrinky scientist. "But," you continue, "I don't know if I trust leaving her - the villainess - around for very long, because to hear her say it, she is part of the Wonderland Warriors. I haven't dealt with them before but I know they have a fearsome reputation. So, let's get her into a specialized cell as soon as possible."

You get no objections from that. Instead Snowflake raises her (...their... oh, damn it, you're not going to bother policing your own thoughts - you'll just focus on making sure to use gender-neutral pronouns when actually speaking to or about Snowflake and leave it at that) hand and clears her throat. "I have some thoughts on them, actually. Hot-Cross Bunny is the one in charge of that group according to the pamphlet on villain groups List-Lass gave me, but from what I have seen, the villain Door-Mouse is a more likely candidate. I mean, everyone just ASSUMES that Hot-Cross Bunny must be in control and the brains behind the operation because she is white and conventionally attractive, and that Door-Mouse must just be her henchman because he is a person of color and smaller in height than what society has decided is an acceptable threshhold for male-identified persons. Is it not true that he has led more of their heists and raids than she has? And besides, his power is a lot more useful than hers. I mean... jumping? And summoning rabbits?"

A sour look creeps across your face. Briefly you consider trying to turn it around on her saying that she's being sexist by assuming that a female villainess is actually subordinate to one of the men in her gang, but it seems quite possible Snowflake is laying a rhetorical trap of some kind for you there, and you have immediately decided that you are going to give her as few opportunities as possible to berate you.

"That's an interesting theory, Snowflake. It's possible, but-" you begin. However, La Petite Mort is having none of it, and cuts you off by reaching up and grabbing Snowflake by the ear as if she were a naughty child, making the latter yelp with surprise.

"You foolish child! I know for a fact that you have been in Acropolis City for less than a fortnight, and you presume to give lectures about what villains are a threat? Those damnable rabbits are LETHAL! No, I know what you are thinking - she can't summon them inside of people's bodies. She doesn't need to, nor do the beasts need super-lapine strength. What makes her dangerous is not the specifics of her power - it is her mind. Stick to pontificating about politics, and when those who've been battling these psychopaths for years tell you which villain is dangerous, give them the benefit of the doubt! It might save your life!"

Snowflake is visibly fuming with indignation. Rather than let this go further you clear your throat and, as a handy way to demonstrate your powers, clap your palms together - creating a resounding thunderclap of noise that makes Dr. Rainbow visibly wince. "Alright, tabling that for the moment, we need to go collect Cheshire before she causes any trouble, and then we can have Mort give us our first missi-"

"Yeah, oh yes, we definitely need to listen to the Big Seven! But this is a new team," Red Weather Balloon chimes in. "We need to get our media portfolio ready, first! I mean, there are going to be soooo~ many new teams trying to push into the limelight these next few weeks, we have to get in ahead of it! Though they're not quite as nice as mine, your costumes are pretty cute too~! So I'm thinking since she is the leader, 'ThunderBird' should be kind of in the back of the photographs behind everybody else, folding her arms over her chest and looking all serious. Ooooh, and sorry, but 'red' is in my name so I'm gonna have to call dibs on that color, don't worry, I'll help you dye it white or yellow or something! And Dr. Rainbow should be in the corner, doing a little curtsey and looking cute, she's perfect for that since a lot of people won't know she isn't actually a real 'lolita'. Snowflake should be doing that looking-back-over-the-shoulders pose so that their tight nonbinary butt and chest are both in the frame, that goes GREAT with the angry glare they are always doing~! Of course, as the specialist and power-house of the team I'll be front and center, you know, doing my best floaty pose so that guys whose eyes are pulled towards the picture to look at me will get reeled in and see you girls, and neutrals, too!"

Pursing your lips and staring, you aren't sure what annoys you more - Weather Balloon's cattiness towards you, her misplaced priorities, or the fact that the League will almost certainly agree with those priorities. "Yeah, you know what? Sure. FINE. I am going to be a very open, fair and even-handed leader - because I am in fact the appointed leader of this team, because somebody has to be - so I will grant that suggestion, we can go ahead and do poses for photographs before doing any training in the Zone of Danger or booking Cheshire Huntress. That's the decision I've come to. And then, we'll be going straight to the streets, roll up some **** dens, and find who is the new head of the city's families so we can pay him or her or," you spare Snowflake a glance, "xir or shim or them a visit, and find out why supervillains are getting released back into their criminal careers almost-immediately, so that we can put a stop to it. I am sure that the Big 7 and the other teams can handle **** who, with all due deference to Mort, doesn't seem like all that huge of a threat, and make sure the Wonderland Warriors aren't doing anything more heinous than usual. Alright? Everyone on board with that?"

Dr. Rainbow timidly raises her hand. "I absolutely agree with everything our caring and ethical leader says! I am going to try and do my part by brainstorming some phrases and mottos we could use when we show up so that all those misguided villains out there know that their pathological scheming is about to get interrupted by a loving intervention, and give themselves up for justice and proper treatment with no need for any unnecessary fighting!"

There's the sound of a loud pop. Looking over your shoulder you see that Petite Mort has uncorked a bottle of red wine and fills a glass completely, all the way to the rim. Glancing up at one of her oversized cuckoo clocks, you see that it is still just a bit past 10 in the morning. "Let me call out Jean-Pierre. He can work the hyperspectral camera. I suppose I shall be in the picture somewhere as well - I know nobody wants to see a skinny, undersized old woman in amidst their pin-up girls so I'll reduce myself to toy poodle scale and sit in ze corner."

The time it takes for Petite Mort's frankenstein's-monster of a manservant to set up the (naturally, monstrously oversized and made of heavy-duty sheet metal) camera on its tripod is much less time than it takes for Red Weather Balloon to finish preparing herself. With a bit of help from Dr. Rainbow, your hair is changed to an eye-catching canary yellow to match your new one-piece-swimsuit type costume. RWB preens in the mirror by making no less than seventy pose variations before she finally settles on one.

Despite the little annoyances it doesn't take much effort to get yourself to smile as you take your place - thrusting out your hand covered in Mort's new power-fist boxing glove thingy and striking a side on pose. You may not be able to compete with RWB in the chest department but with Dr. Rainbow and Petite Mort in the picture there's still plenty of room to show your own curves off. This is what you had wanted, after all - so what if you couldn't be Nightingale, yet? In spite of a few eccentricities, this was a team with a solid base of powers and a good no-nonsense mentor. Those pimps and **** pushers down town expecting to have a lucrative weekend while the other heroes went on a wild goose chase after some blackmailer were going to get a rude surprise... a thunderbolt from a clear sky!

"Alright I think we're ready." You snap your fingers and give a cool, superior smirk. "Go ahead and shoot whenever you're ready, big man," you say to Jean-Pierre.

The camera flashes blindingly, capturing three voluptuous beauties and two petite-but-still-cute-in-a-way ladies. However, no sooner is the first shot finished than the monstrous manservant lets his jaw drop and mismatched eyes widen. His voice is an inarticulate groan but it is clearly filled with alarm.

An unfamiliar, smooth male voice speaks right next to your ear. "Say cheese."

Turning, you see a glimpse of a hawaiian t-shirt and a visage covered by a mask shaped like a big black bomb. There's a click as the man standing inches away from you, who wasn't there just a few seconds ago, presses his thumb down on the bright red button of a camera thumb-switch. The sound of a thunderous detonation echoes through the walls from somewhere to your left... then a second blast from somewhere to your right... and then a third blast from below the floor.

"FUC-" is all you have time for before an explosion rips through the laboratory and punches the breath from your lungs.