Only big boobed women can be pastors.

Something so absurd would never appear in a holy text devoid of any and all sexual content. Even the colony's founder wasn't "born from sex" he grew from the ground like a plant according to the first page of "The Creation," but there it was. The text faded into existence on the page and you took the time to read it ten times forward and eight times backward to make sure that your mind wasn't playing tricks on you.

It was late and the couple days of isolation must be getting to your head. You decide that there really wasn't a point in continuing to make up more absurdities until a big titty pastor wakes you up in the morning for breakfast and an inspiring excerpt from whatever book you decide to read from. Women weren't even allowed a role in the church after all.

That night, your head was filled with a bunch of changes you would make to the holy script if you really did have the power to change everything. First of all, church would be less compulsory. You can't count the number of times you would rather finish work than attend an "emergency" church meeting called by the head pastor because he had "visions of demons emerging from the ground" and the colony needed to take refuge in the church or else they'd be "consumed by the demons." It was difficult to believe in that when Billy admitted to sleeping through a couple demon scares and your father once complained that these visions didn't start until Father Frank came into power.

The sun rose like any other day and a pastor came inside your cell to wake you up with the usual toast and jam. The only thing that wasn't usual was your eyes popping out of your head because they were greeted by a blonde woman wearing the robes of a pastor the nipples of her large tits poking through the cloth since there was no such thing as bras in the colony.