Back in bed

Having no other place to go, Ivan and I went back to our room. The party was the only thing I had planned, I didn’t feel like going to look for Jessica and it was pretty late anyways. Chances are she was asleep by now. Ivan stuck with me the whole way there, making small comments and jokes. He kept trying to cheer me up, I appreciated that about him. He was weird but all in all a good guy.

I pulled out my key and we entered our room together. “So what now?” He asks, “Did you wanna watch some Netflix maybe? Catch a good show to keep busy?” I shake my head. “I didn’t have any in mind.” “That’s okay, I have a few recommendations for you.” He reached under the bed and pulled out a silver laptop, his personal computer, and placed it on the counter opposite of the bed. “What show are you in a mood for, anime, thriller, suspense, drama?” “Eh I already have enough of that don’t you think?” I jokingly responded. He giggled and did some typing before sitting back against the bottom bed, patting the side. “Sit, lay down. Let’s watch.” He requested with a soft smile as he took off his shoes and socks, laying on his side.

I stutter for a second before he pulls me in by hand and has me lay down with him almost as the little spoon. He wrapped his arm around my chest and held me there, hugging my from behind. “Sorry about tonight Ivan.” “What for? Tonight was fun.” “You know...” He kissed my neck which, admittedly, made me blush a little. “Shit happens, sometimes things don’t go exactly like you want but it’s okay. You just learn to live with it.” I turn my head. “How do you do it that way, just living with it?” He rubs my chest and looks into my eyes. “You know, you just do I guess. You just keep walking, it’s all you can do. Sometimes things go wrong, and sometimes you feel like you’re the reason for it, but you kinda learn that looking back doesn’t help anyone, doesn’t help yourself. You can only walk forward and try to see it doesn’t happen again. You know.”

I lay my head back down and let his words sink in. I didn’t have anything else to say, but what he said was good. It did no one any good to think about what I should have done, so better to think ahead about what can be done now. I felt a little better knowing Ivan was here to help me, that he cared about me. It was... nice, to be wanted. Feeling his arm around me right now made me feel like it’ll be okay, that somehow I’ll get through this. One day at a time.