Object of Desire

One hour stretches to two, and then three.

Try as I might I simply could not settle. Not after those texts. I attempt to return to the movie but it is the equivalent of white noise. I couldn't focus on it. I try to read...hopeless. My every thought was on Micheal and Jane. What was happening right now? What was taking so long? What were they doing? This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to get my sloppy seconds after his one time with her. Not being able to watch them however...it was strangely both better and worse. I wished I could be watching, but my fevered imagination was filling in all the blanks and then some. I simultaneously dreaded and anticipated her return. I could not wait for her to get home to hear about it.

Moving as if I was sleep walking I eventually make myself some dinner. My body on autopilot I go through the motions of making myself a sandwich. Given the time I just assumed Jane would eat over at Micheal's. Time passes in a blur and before I knew it was sitting at the kitchen island with a half eaten ham sandwich in my hand and a permanent stiffy still in my shorts.

Ringgg!

The telephone finally lifts the haze from my mind. I blink a few times and look around.

Ringgg!

It was the landline. Almost certainly not my girlfriend or Micheal. Perfect, I needed the distraction.

I reach over and answer.

“Hello?”

There is a long silence. I can hear faint movement or rustling on the other end however.

“Hello?” I say again.

After another pause. “Hey.” I hear Dennis' deep voice. “Hey bud, how you doing?” There was just the hint of the slowing slur of **** in the pace and tone of his words.

“Uhhhh...” I think before letting out an incredulous guffaw. “Ha! That's a hell of a question tonight. Too long to get into. What's up Dennis? Why'd ya call?”

He doesn't let me change the topic that quickly though. “Hell of a question? Something wrong? Can I help?” I can hear the genuine concern in his voice. Fuck, what a sweetheart.

I let out a long breath through my nose. What the fuck, he was in on what I was up to. I might as well open up. “Oh...just um...Jane, she's out with Mikey tonight. They're, well, you know. Our new fetish and all. They're fooling around right now. I'm uh...he he he...kinda goin nuts wondering what's going on. Ya know?”

There is another pregnant pause. “She went alone? Without you?”

“Erm...yeah. It's...it's what Mikey wanted.”

“And you? What you wanted?”

“It's complicated. Things have kinda...escalated.” I admit. “It's okay though...” My voice trails off as my mind once more wanders off to my best friend's place. “I...I like it.”

“John, you shouldn't...let yourself...be...” He sighs. “I wouldn't treat you that way.”

I can't help but smile at this flattering concern. “I know bud, I know. I helped make this bed and now I'm lying in it.”

He adds at a whisper. “If you were mine I'd treat you like a king.”

Oh geez, this got awkward quickly. I move the discussion along. “Hey, how are things going with you? How are you and Rachel doing?”

He hums and haws a bit before finally saying. “Not so good. It'll smooth out soon though I'm sure. Everything is just so new right now.” I wasn't so confident things would smooth out between those two ever. There is yet another tense pause. “Hey um...uhm...” I could hear the nervousness rising rapidly in his grumbling voice. “Hey John...”

“What is it?”

“Hey, uh, what...what are you up to tomorrow?” He takes in a quick shallow breath. “You, uh, you want to do something this weekend? I mean, if you're busy I understand but um...you wanna do something? Get together?”

Last week this question would have been perfectly normal and innocent. But knowing what I knew now...knowing about his crush on me...oh boy. This was so much more complicated than it appeared on its face.

“Uhhh...” I stall.

He hurries to fill the awkward gap in the conversation. “Yeah, ya know. Just grab some beers or something. Shoot some pool. Or uh, if you and Jane want to...I don't know, do your thing again um...with me. I'd be up for that.” God, I could hear the crystalline fragility in his trembling voice. To hear such raw exposed fear in my big normally fearless friend was strange. “I...I'd really like to see you this weekend. If you have time or whatever.”

“Dennis...”

“Yes?”

“Dennis...I...”