Just seen a fairy ffs - Dumbfounded:

'Whu... who.... the fuck??' I was basically full blown crayon eating, window licking, retard mode right now and couldn't think straight. There I was bored out of my mind and then all of a sudden some, oddly cute, hovering chick is floating over me. I mean I need a second to catch up.

'So while your mind is obvs blown I'll be waiting for any wishes you may have or desire' Zeenah continued 'but in the meantime I'll tell you a little about myself. I've been your fairy Godmother since you were born, see I've known everything that would and could happen up until this very moment... I have to say though I'm feeling a LOT more pressure than I pictured myself having to deal with. I've known your every thought and feeling, everything from I simple ideas to you being a little bit of a perv' she finished the last line with a wink and a smile.
'I've not just been around since your birth but long before studying humanity since the beginning of time. Every fairy is given a child at random that they focus on should they have the need in the future, this is set by the omnipresent, omniscient, Gaia... the ancestral mother of all life. And after approximately 200,127 years since the dawn on mankind annnd let's see... 20 hours and 43 seconds I am finally able to say to you I AM YOUR FAIRY GODMOTHER' she waited in theatrical silence for me to catch up.

'Every thought??' course that's my first thought it's like a stranger being able to know every time you've though 'DAAAMNNN!!' about any hot girl walking down the street.

'Ahahah, yeah, every thought, Felix' again accompanied by a coy wink, smile, and giggle.

'Urgh' I sigh in accepting humiliation, though taking the whole YOU HAVE A FAIRY GODMOTHER thing remarkably well. 'So about these wishes then, do I have any rules?' I asked trying to move past awkwardness, though after 18 years of being lodged inside my brain I guess she really didn't care.

'Well we both saw wayyyy too many episodes of 'Fairly Odd Parents' when you were young so you can kinda think about those rules' she paused for a moment 'basically you have the big three: 1 don't interfere with anyone else's free will, 2 don't bring harm to others, and 3 don't get spotted doing anything that's not considered normal or else Gaia will give you a healthy does of bad karma'.

'Huh... actually sounds kinda basic' I mused.

'Well that's a pretty simplistic version and like training wheels you're limited smaller wishes so you don't go too crazy' she gave a cute chuckle 'so almost like EXP. in a game you'll level through your wishes'. Now kind of coming to terms with things I thought. What would be my first wish?