White: King's pawn e2 to e4

The King's Pawn gripped his flimsy spear and adjusted his shield. Though it would protect him from frontal attack of the opposing pawns, it was no defence against the mighty pieces that would soon move into action, and prevented his own spear from stabbing straight forward. And he knew that in all likelihood, he would be the one to lead the charge.

The front rank of the black amazons called out shrilly, mocking as they stood in line. The opposing Black King's Pawn turned and mooned him with her broad brown buttocks. His cock hardened as he yearned to rush across the battlefield and take her, but he knew she need fear little from him in this battle. The King's Bishop tapped her back into line with her hook-ended staff.

Trumpets blew from behind him as White announced the first move.

"King's Pawn advance, double time!" the mighty voice rumbled.

He trembled inside, but to all eyes, he stood straight and firm.

"For **** or glory!" he cried, and charged forward, doing his best to keep his shield straight as he looked toward the bitter smile of the Black King's Pawn.