Attend the opening of ‘Casting House’

At last it is time to begin. “The Casting House” has been all I have been thinking about for months, and I can’t wait to see it come to life.

One big change that has taken place was the decision to make the show into a reality television series, which will then be edited into a full feature movie. This will be a new venture for the studio, and everyone is a bit on edge about that aspect of the project.

I arrive at the production center across the street from the house and see Alex Sommers, who will be the voice of the show, and Dennis Berner, today’s celebrity guest commentator. It is the first I have met Dennis, although I have known the name and face all my life. He co-starred with my mom in her first big hit that started her career. Dennis is semi-retired from acting, but is still a well-known name in the industry.

“So glad to meet you, Jeremy,” he says. “I feel like I have known you all your life. You know, your mom and I were quite an item in our day — on and off the set.”

It’s a little weird hearing that, but I guess that’s why we have him as a guest commentator because of his ability to vocalize things so well.

“Yeah, your mom is something else,” he continues. “I’ve never seen a woman crave getting fucked in the ass the way she did! Boy, the way she used to howl when she was bouncing her butt on my pecker just made me thankful to be a man! In fact, if she wasn’t so crazy did anal, I could just as easily have been your father. We were banging several times a day until she met Blake. When I heard she was pregnant with you, I had to do the math and see if I was the dude!”

The director spared me from further description of my mother’s anal fetish by ushering Dennis to his position. I looked at Chandra, one of the girls working in the sound department. We got it on in my office one night a couple of weeks ago. I make a mental note to myself that if I ever meet her future son in 18 years or so, NOT to strike up a conversation with him by saying, “Let me tell you... When your mom has an orgasm, she makes this adorable face like a chipmunk and a cute whlistle through her nose!”

I look at the monitors and see that all the contestants and judges are lined up, ready to be introduced. I hear Alex assume his announcer voice and I tone into the microphone, “Welcome to ‘The Casting House!’ I’m your host, Alex Sommers. Before we introduce the residents of the house, let me remind all of us about how this is going to work.”

“For the next 30 days, these men and women will live together in this house, learning how to live — and love — one another. We are looking for our next big male and female talent, and the next month will reveal who has what it takes to make it big at Cum On Productions. Only two will walk away with a contract for a featured production. The other 18 contestants will just walk away.”

“Our four judges will live with these contestants and will be constantly evaluating them, giving them points each day in a number of different categories. The male and female contestant on the last day with the top score will win, but to make it to that last day, they will have to survive being voted off by their housemates.”

“We will have a number of contests, putting team against team and individual against everyone else. When the teams meet to choose who among them will go home, they won’t be bound by who has the most or least points — they will vote off whomever they think is not pulling their weight — or perhaps is presenting the most competition to their own hopes to win.”

“The only way to be safe from being voted off is to have an immunity. Each day one male judge and one female judge will have the opportunity to give a one-day immunity to the contestant of his or her choice. The contestants — and the judges for that matter — will not know which judge has the immunity option for that day, so they will need to be careful to stay in the good graces of all of them.”

“Only our judges will have access to the outside world by talking to us and sharing their rationale for how they evaluate the contestants. For everyone else, they will be cut off from the outside until the competition is over — or they are voted off.”

“And we have a fabulous rotation of celebrity commentators to join me here each day as we look in the Casting House and see who has what it takes. Now, let’s meet our contestants!”

The next several minutes are spent introducing each contestant. I know all about each one of them. Some people can make it in porn solely on dick or boob size, but I didn’t choose anyone who would stand out that way. All of them have beautiful faces and bodies, but if they are going to succeed, they’re going to have to perform.

Next the judges are introduced. They all look happy, but a little tired. I know I wore out the girls last night — and it was mutual. Kyle and Virgil look like they didn’t get a lot of sleep either.

“Now that we’ve met the contestants, we’re going to give them a chance to find their rooms and get to know each other. We have divided them up into two teams for now, five men and women on each team. The teams have bedrooms on separate floors, but during the times when they are not taking part in a contest, they are free to fraternize as they wish — and they will want to, because our judges are watching closely to see who exudes the most sex appeal at all times. It will be interesting to see if alliances develop and what kinds of deals are worked out among the contestants.”

The next few hours is unscripted and I expect there will be a lot of back-room shenanigans and pillow talk. The first contest is right after lunch.