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Chapter 68 by XC9114

Does he stop her?

He asks her to stay. It's time to talk.

"Amy, wait," I said softly, "Please... please stay in the car."

I'm not sure what I would have done had she not heard me or just ignored me, but thankfully she had and she didn't, because she slowly closed the door and sat beside me in silence, neither of us looking at the other.

Much like when I first spoke to her after our fight, I knew that once I started talking it would become much easier, so I just went ahead and dove right in.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Amy."

I could see her shift slightly in the corner of my eye, her sleeve-shrouded hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry that I've let this drag out so long. I'm sorry that I left you hanging in the wind waiting for an answer to come. What...what you said really hurt me, but... but I don't care anymore. I just want this to be over. I don't want us to act like this. I want us to be friends again. I want you to be you, I... I see what all of this has done to you, and I hate it. I hate that you're not being yourself. You're one of the most confident, vibrant, assertive people I know, and... and I miss you."

I paused to take a deep breath, somewhat surprised to feel tears welling up in my eyes. I knew that if I looked at her, I would have lost it, so I just stared ahead and kept going.

"I miss you," I repeated, my voice cracking despite myself, "I miss you so fucking much. You're one of my best friends in the world, and... and I don't want to lose that, but...but I have to tell you something..."

It was now or never. For better or worse.

"You... you were right about me. I was a loser for the last three years. I had no confidence in myself, I didn't take care of myself properly, I dressed like an idiot... I was a joke... and then you all came along. Everyone helped in their own way, but you... you took the time to help me get in shape... to have real confidence in myself. Taking away from your own training time to help me... you've sacrificed more than all of the others for me, and I've... I've never thanked you properly for that. Instead I acted like an asshole and lashed out and... and you deserve so much more than that. You deserve not only my gratitude, but... but above all, you deserve to know everything... to know that... that I slept with Corrine."

I let a pause hang in the air, having finally let the genie out of the bottle, so to speak. Seeing no movement beside me, I pressed on.

"I... I wanted you to hear that from me. No one else. I didn't...I don't want you thinking that I just..."

I stopped to sniffle, fighting back tears.

"I... I remembered what you said, and...and like I said before, I reacted badly that time, but... but I just want you to know that I... I don't think of you guys as a checklist. I may fantasize about you... all of you... but that doesn't change the fact that you're all by best friends, and I love you guys to ****, and... and that's why this sucks so much, because I feel like... I feel like all I'm gonna end up doing is pushing you all away.

"Stephanie and I... I don't know what happened there, but for whatever reason, she chose Simon over me. Talia...that just feels more and more like a mistake every time I think about it. Corrine...it just...it just kind of happened, and part of me wonders now if that was a mistake, too. At least... at least when you have sex with people, you don't get attached. Me? I fuck up my relationships with the people I care about, but... but none of them more so than you, who deserves the most from me because you gave me the most.

"So... so there it is, Amy. I'm not only an idiot, but I'm a complete fuck-up as well. If... if you can't look past it, then... then I'd understand. I want to be your friend... but only if you think that I'm a friend worth having."

What does Amy think of all of this?

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