OAKEN Elves? More Like...Um....!!! (Use Wordplay: Failure)

"Are you sure about this, Momo?"

The little kobold nods as she continues ritualistically painting your face and shoulders with loam, her expression serious. You'd suggested a plan to your two companions. Namely, creeping up to the elven waystation and killing as many of them with sneak attacks as you could. Simplistic, but against an unsuspecting target? Almost certainly effective. Gero was immediately game, but you can't say you weren't surprised when Momo not only seemed conflicted, but voiced some concerns.

It struck you in that moment that you probably could have just lorded over the cleric and her opinions, could have acted like the pack leader and Biggest that the persistent voice deep in your soul insists you are. You're the smart one, you're the best one, it was YOUR genius that got you all this far! Gero and Momo should just follow your brilliant plans! You were too simplistic as a mongrel to have known you felt that way, but as a kobold? It couldn't be clearer that a very significant part of you truly believes you deserve to be in charge, and the others should be quietly grateful that they have such a brilliant leader. And you suspect that, had you acted the part in that moment, Momo and even Gero would have fallen in line.

But you aren't better than them. Your 'genius' would be toothless without Gero's strength. And without what you're increasingly coming to recognize as Momo's moral authority, well...you clearly remember how you felt when the world suggested that you might be Merciless. Besides. You love Momo and Gero. You don't want to be the Biggest, you want to be their companion. So when Momo hesitantly offered that she had doubts, you just listened.

"I still don't think we can just attack them," the cleric murmurs as she finishes her drawings. "We don't know they're like the guards from our home."

Gero grunts unhappily. "THIS one--" she prods the bound and gagged oaken elf ranger with her foot, "--said we were monsters, and that his friends were going to slaughter us."

"I know," Momo concedes as rubs her hands into the earth so she can prepare Gero as well, "but maybe we can convince them we aren't? It's worth a try, isn't it?"

The big female grunts again. "We need the experience to get stronger."

"We need to deserve to get stronger."

Gero opens her mouth to respond when you chime in. "Momo's right, Gero. At least, I think she's right. Besides, whatever comes, we're prepared and they aren't. I'm confident."

That seems to settle the warrior, who you're coming to realize puts a huge amount of faith in your plans. It's a little overwhelming. But no time for that. The full moon is just a few days away, so you're going to have to deal with this problem now.

You're a little disappointed there aren't sentries. Okay, a lot disappointed. That was the the part you planned the most for! You had this whole bit where you used a combination of Careful followed by Keen to...ugh.

No use whining over unneeded tactics. If the Oaken Elves are going to make it super easy to track down their waystation from, you don't know, the road leading straight to it, and don't seem to mind if anyone just strolls in, then fine. Whatever. Bleh.

It strikes you that the elves must be very used to having this zone entirely to themselves, because the four rangers eating and chatting around the big fire in the middle of the camp don't even look up when you walk right through the open gates, Momo at your side. You even have time to glance around a bit; it's a small but well-built little outpost, with one permanent cabin flanked by a few tents and a tower that would have been PERFECT for some sentries FUCK these guys.

The only reason the rangers glance your way at all is because of the muffled noise made by the bound, furious ranger you keep defensively in front of you, the elf doing his best to alert his comrades without nicking his throat on the arrow you have pressed against it.

Now that they do notice you, the rangers simply stare open mouthed. Furrowing your brow, you glance back at Momo, are these guys for real? The cleric seems a little taken aback as well, but she nods for you to go on. This is not at all what you'd expected. Still, better keep things rolling. "You seem to have lost one of yours," you call out to the seemingly mute elves, "We brought him back for you."

You lower the arrow and shove your prisoner forward, two of the other elves scrabbling up to their feet to awkwardly catch him as Momo speaks up. "He meant to do us harm, so we stopped him. He said you would do us harm if he didn't return, so we've returned him."

You break in, your voice hard to contrast Momo's serene tones. "As of now, no one has lost anything. And it can stay that way, if you promise to not come after us. We aren't leaving without that promise."

The rangers don't seem to know how to respond to that, though the prisoner sure does. His eyes are practically bursting out of his head with anger as he tries to scream at you through his gag, wriggling about in a futile attempt to free himself from the bounds that his companions are too dumbstruck to remove. His struggles manage to have one effect, at least, as the door to the cabin flies open and an older, marginally more ornate elf furiously bursts out.

"WHAT in the trees-damned FUCK is going on out--?!"

The elf, clearly the commander of the waystation, freezes in his place when he notices that you've intruded into his camp. He jerks his head wildly to his uncertain men, then back at you, then back at the bound elf who's finally manages to work the gag out from over his mouth. "These MONSTERS bushwhacked me! They, they ambushed me and beat me and FUCKED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!"

That last part is true. When the elf regained consciousness, you were balls-deep in Momo. What can you say? She was proud of you for your commitment to sharing power.

One of the other elves starts in hesitantly. "They, they said they brought back Lord Ceril and they wanted us to leave them alone."

The bound elf, or Lord Ceril you suppose, starts to shriek out more accusations but is cut off by an enraged motion from the Captain. "You DARE come into MY waystation?! You dare make DEMANDS of me?!" He pauses a moment, glancing sidelong at Ceril before adding almost grudgingly "...yes, and you dare attack my men too, of course. Right."

Elves are bullshit.

You don't have time to further ponder how terrible these people are before the Captain draws his sword and points it straight at you, fury burning in his eyes as he decides that he is in fact VERY outraged over the mistreatment of his ranger. "The little one can live long enough to give us whatever answers we need. But the beast who attacked one of my men? That is an attack on me. And he will die by my blade."

Momo's face shifts from serene to resolved at that, the cleric folding her hands into her sleeves as she gives you a grim nod. Right then.

"Very well. But you should know it wasn't me who knocked out your man." You jerk your thumb over your shoulder as the towering shape of Gero slowly emerges from the shadows. "It was her."

The elves gasp as the big warrior steps into the light of the fire, her massive club perched effortlessly on one shoulder. The Captain visibly quails, looking over to his men for support, but they are too busy muttering to themselves to take notice of anything besides the huge kobold standing before him.

"What are they?!"--"She's MASSIVE!"--"She's as big as an ogre..."

The Captain swallows hard, then tries to regain his lost composure as he shakily points his weapon at Gero. "Y-y-you are guilty of c-crimes against the Oaken Elves! You will d-d-die by m-my hand!"

Gero sniffs contemptuously. "Try it."

The elf hesitates for a moment, then screams out a battle cry as he levels a wild swing at your companion. His scream crumbles into a shriek of terror as Gero catches him by the wrist and shoves the Captain to the ground, eyes wide in fright as they are filled with the sight of the kobold's club rising high above her head, and then crashing down.

It was the last thing he saw.

For a terrible moment, everything is quiet as Gero props her blood-splattered club back up onto her shoulder, ignoring the crumpled body of the former Captain. She quirks an eyebrow at you when the elves just continue to stare, mouths agape, and you shrug. Maybe you convinced them. Momo makes the decision to check.

"That can be the end of it. It's your decision."

The elves goggle at the little kobold for a moment, then as one try to scramble to their feet and over to the nearby weapon rack. Momo sighs, shaking her head as Gero intently starts forward and you unsling your bow, taking aim with a freshly notched arrow.

Well, you think as you let fly, catching one of the elves square between the shoulders, no one can say you didn't try.

When the messy work begins, it doesn't take long. The captain had died in a single crit, but these elves are weaker, unarmored, and disorganized. Almost as soon as it starts, all that's left is the bound Lord Ceril, your one time and current prisoner pale as a sheet. He whimpers in fear when all three of you are suddenly looming over him. He uncontrollably shudders as you reach down, only for you to untie the rope binding him.

Shivering, he hesitantly turns his eyes up to you, only to cringe again when you suddenly press your forehead against his and hiss in a cold whisper. "Get out."

The elf doesn't need further convincing, flipping over to crawl away as fast as he can on his hands and knees. Gero frowns. "We should have killed him. Won't they come attack us?"

You shrug. "Their main territory must be within a few zones. This way, even if they are going to attack us, it will be a while before they dare try it. Better than them stumbling upon us, and attacking then and there. We can be better prepared."

Gero grumbles. "Fine. Didn't even get enough experience for a full level."

As the complaint leaves her lips, Ceril finally clears the waystation, clamoring to his feet and sprinting towards the edge of the zone as fast as he can. As soon as he fully steps outside, a chiming noise sounds through the area and a window pops up, all three of your sets of ears perking up in surprise.

You Have Conquered This Settlement! Raze/Claim?

Momo gasps in surprise as you tilt your head to one side. This is a new development. You can raze places if you get rid of all the owners? Why is 'Claim' greyed out? You experimentally press that option, only for an annoying buzzer to sound.

Settlement Cannot be Claimed (Tribal Strength Below Threshold)

Ohhhhhh boy. This...yeah, this is a thing. This is absolutely a thing. Gero seems eager to press 'Raze' so you distractedly nod your consent, the big female gleefully selecting the option. The waystation flickers, and then before your eyes the well built outpost is replaced by a shattered, smoldering ruin. And you rocket straight up to Level 10.

Gero and Momo let out whoops of delight over that, happily dancing in celebration. You're still distracted though. So you were right, Tribal Strength is the way forward. You had known what the next step was for days now, but knowing the step AFTER that is a huge comfort to your methodical nature.

You just hope the others will go along with the plan. It shouldn't be much of a trouble, you reason. After all, you're much bigger than them.