* Yolanda Isabella Lopez, AKA "Yolanda Saffron Bridges": Recently Single Bartender At "The Tilted Windmill"... *

Your life has been less than stellar, until just now.

Your childhood was filled with loneliness from a family that believed a girls place was at home, cooking, cleaning, and tending her children. Your one solace was an old Game Boy Color you bought with five years saved allowance and the one game it came with, "Pokemon Red". In that game and nowhere else you could be the REAL you: firry, fisty; a total tom-boy who would kick the ass of anyone who so much as looked at her! You loved that game, but it was only an escape, in reality, you had to be a perfect Catholic girl...

Then at 13, the priest in your church singled you out as a vulnerable and biddable target. You were abused for 3 years before he was discovered, but for you that made things worse: your parents claimed it was YOUR fault and threw you into the street across the border in the US! Somehow you avoided getting hooked on drugs and ending up a statistic. You became a ward of the state, pretending you had amnesia, you finished high school, became a naturalized U.S. Citizen, and got a scholarship to University Of California at Berkeley. Things were hard there, but you did your best and kept your head above water. One night after watching an episode of FIREFLY you pretended to suddenly remember your name: "Yolanda Saffron Bridges"... By some miracle everyone bought it!

You got a job to pay for expenses, bartender at a lesbians bar called "The Tilted Windmill". You're not interested in women, so you can just deflect getting propositions by saying "Sorry, I'm heterosexual." and they let it drop.

Eventually, you met someone, a young black guy called Dustin. He helped you learn to love, trust, and lust again. You even told him your real name, but after a few years you each realized that it was time to move on. You love each other but the sexual component has gone out of it: you are closer than lovers, closer than siblings: you don't know what you are to each other but it's not something romantic anymore.

You finally let Dustin go in terms of romantic interest or obligation a week ago, it was time. He understands, and he's grateful for whatever it is you have now: not to mention the crazy surprise party you threw for him two days ago where you invited your four sluttiest single girlfriends to take a crack at seducing him. (Dustin's pretty hot between the sheets, even you have to admit that, though somehow you see him like your ersatz brother now. He was a good lay, and you remember those days with fondness, but the idea of bedding him now makes you shiver: and not in a good way...)

His breakup gift to you was this bitching tablet. 12-inch screen, 120 Gig sim-card, 20 Gig data plan from AT&T paid off for a year, it's a lot of fun...

Now it seems you are about to be in another country again and you have no Idea what you will do when you get there...