How to Get a Girlfriend Minion on the Cheap

A 1958 Chevrolet Bel Air Impala Sport Coupe replica stopped in front of an abandoned factory. It then started bouncing up and down and even shimmying. The man in the backseat jumped out and bent over, thinking he may lose his lunch. Failing that, he turned and kicked the lowrider, which just happened to be on its way down. "Ow! Ow, ow, owie!" he cried, hopping on one foot. "Stop! Stop it from doing that!" But his chauffeur did nothing. Recovering enough to capture the laptop flip-flopping around on the backseat, and pressed "escape". The car became still. "This is the last time I agree to do a driveaway. Unless, of course, it's a caddy or a Porsche or some more dignified vehicle!"

But Francis Lurman had been in a hurry, and so he signed up to deliver the first car that was to go close to the ACME factory complex. Of course, he could have gotten here faster if he had owned or even rented a car. But his nom de villainy was Frugal Lucre for good reason. Cars cost money. A license costs money. Even drivers ed costs money! The SADI self-driving car program he had illegally downloaded from Dr. Freeman's personal computer didn't. Or the damaged Bebe bot he had located using Google Satellite after hacking into the email system that formed the basis of their hive mind.

Lucre looked at the dilapidated buildings behind the rusting chain-link fencing. "This is early low-tech technology, pre-computers. You know, I would rather be dealing with computer security. Oh, well! To have everything means paying for everything."

"Don't forget your rubbers," Bebe said in a non-Bebe voice from the driver's seat.

"And you don't go sounding like my mother!" he said. Freeman WOULD have to give SADI an AI personality like that! But he did go get the shoe protectors out of the kit he had brought. And rubber gloves. And safety glasses. And a mask for his nose and mouth. And..."I should have brought a helmet! But, no, I don't think that goes with my persona. I must stay in character, after all. I hesitate about covering my face. OK, I'm ready! No, I'm not." From the Smarty Mart shopping bags, he took out and strapped on the Firefighter Water Back Pack toy gun. For added measure, he held two super soaker water blasters.

But these guns wouldn't give him any protection. He paused to look at the mechanical girl with the silver plating. He sighed. "It'd take too long to shunt the SADI program so that your Bebe programs can function properly. Not that they were functioning all that well when I found you. But, maybe, with a new, shall we say, "paint job", you'll be able to be what Drakken could only dream of you being. So-" he said, turning resolutely to the gateway to the unknown, "Onward and - What's up there??!"

Someone else was taking the high way over the fence and the possible hazards on the grounds. "Ooh! They could steal my chance to have my own Shego-type minion! I'll make them PAY for that!"