A Significantly Less Welcome Guest

Well, you're currently living over a tavern. No reason you have to plan all this sober. You quickly throw your clothes back on, figuring you can tie one on and see if any sort of dramatic plan strikes you. You've always wanted to swing in on a chandelier; maybe you can find a way to work that in.

You step out of your room, casting your eyes over the bar below you as you start for the bar. Oh shit, oh fuck, is that Gaspar?! Sure enough, the hulking nobleman has squeezed himself into one of the tables directly below, seemingly waiting for someone. Okay, just calm down. This was going to happen eventually, right? Time to be a mature adult about this.

Unfortunately, Gaspar somehow notices you before you can drag your bed out of your room and drop it onto his head. The big man gives a broad grin, waving out to you. "There you are! I've been in the village all day, son; aren't you going to come down and greet your Uncle Gaspar?"

Oh right, you're not wearing the mask. That's good? You decide that's good as you reluctantly start down the stairs; you absolutely planned that. You've barely touched down from the last step before Gaspar has swept you up in a massive bear hug, the jovial giant having a go at squeezing your organs into paste before plopping you into the seat beside him and pushing an overflowing mug of bear into your quivering hands. "It's been ages, my boy! Gods, look at you; not a man that draws breath would be able to tell you from your sainted father, bless him."

You flush with pride at that, then frown. Hey dummy, you don't even know this prince's father, remember? And Gaspar is the worst person in the world! Gaspar doesn't seem to notice your suddenly sour expression, chuckling with a bit of melancholy at his memories. "The world seemed a less worthy place with your parents gone, my boy; those were dark times indeed. Seemed like there wasn't much left for old relics like me." He takes a pull from his mug, and his mood seems considerably brightened. "But with what fine adults you and your sister have grown into? Even an old relic can see that the best days are still ahead!"

He raises his mug to you, and you find yourself returning his cheers. Goddamn, gotta hold onto this spite with every last ounce of strength. "Ah, though, Lord Gaspar...it doesn't seem like you've abandoned yourself to being a relic just yet. You know, being a suitor and all."

The nobleman nods, looking a bit bashful. He really is like a huge tamed grizzly bear, isn't he? "Your father always saw right through me, too. Yes, I suppose I'm still trying to grab another handful of life, while the old grip's still worth anything. My dear Tilly's been gone almost ten years now, and I always promised her I'd only marry a lass that'd do her memory proud. You'll find out for yourself that girls like that are few and far between, my boy...but if there's a truer line of women than the one in your family, I'd be hard-pressed to name it." He gives you a rueful smile. "Listen to me. I'm sure you think I'm just an old horny goat, trying to snatch up the prettiest little thing I come across."

"I don't think that, Lord Gaspar." You don't? Fuck. "You're just as entitled to be happy as any man. And, well...if you and my sister could make each other happy..."

You wouldn't be able to finish that sentence without puking, crying, or cry-puking, so it's just as well that Gaspar gives you a statement-destroying slap on the back. "What a good man you've become; I always knew you would." He rises up, sighing good-naturedly. "Still, I don't like my chances as much tonight as I did this morning. You might not have heard, but Genevieve has another new suitor who'd give me a run even if I was still the latest model."

Ohohohoho?

He stretches out, turning to leave. "We'll see what happens at the feast tomorrow. You should bend his ear; he's just as like as anyone to win over your sister. See what you think of him. Until then!"

He raises a hand in farewell, but aren't watching him leave. Okay, so there is a feast tomorrow. Which you are supposed to attend. And also, Candyland is supposed to attend. This is....yeah, this is gonna be rough.