Stop for Sex Ed

“Boys!” James Possible said, leaving his wife to turn his sons around. “It’s time we had a talk about the Birds and the Bees.”

“It’s a little late for that, Dad,” Jim said, walking away from Veronica and the other women in their house because of their dad’s hands pressing against their backs. “We’ve been surfing the internet since before we met Wade.”

“Could you give us tips on how you scored before you got Mom?” Tim asked.

“If that’s your attitudes, we’ll talk about Morality: The importance of Guilt, Shame, and each person’s Role in a Respectable Society!”

“Sexism!”

“And sexual harassment! And Ron thought he was leveling up!”

“Hoo-sha’s Mama!” Jim slapped Tim’s hand.

“Mom! Did you hear what the Tweebs just said?!”

“Don’t be overly concerned, Kimmy. I’m sure they take after their father. They’re more talk than follow through. But I’ll be here to support Ron.” Ann Possible went to the blonde.

Ron tried to back up, and flinched when she received her hug anyway. “Do girls like the feel of tits against tits? Because I’m finding I do!”

Ann ignored that remark and said, “Thank you, Veronica! You’re putting the spice back into my married life!”

Kim arched an eyebrow. “Mom, what did you just say a minute ago about it takes One special someone naked?”

“I was using Couple’s Speak. In plainer English: One of us is the designated somebody who “makes fantasies possible”. Your father may be fantasizing about Veronica, but it’ll be my body naked.”

“My parents coupling because they’re thinking of coupling with my best friend!? That’s something I do not want to think about!”

“Good, keep that feeling, Kim, because that’s something of how your father feels about same-sex coupling. But James is going to have to get over that prejudice, and keeping you and Veronica from sex isn’t going to help him do that. The more you two do it, the more he’ll just have to get used to it.”

“But, by the same token, we have to get used to you two using Ron as a marital aid.?” That was the terms of the ‘rents’ lease for them staying here.

“I am a sex object!” Ron flashbacked to his Jessica of his Google Image searches.

“Wade! We need to update Ron on the facts of life. Make the visuals totally graphic.”

“I’m Jewish. My parents didn’t have any hang-ups about sex ed.”

“But you were the opposite sex when you had the ed.”

“Sorry, Kim,” Wade said. “I couldn’t maintain my genius-quality output without a parental control that even I can’t hack. I have a ton of work after all the government security leaks.”

“Does that mean you actually don’t use your Kim and Dr. A holographs to do porn sims?!” Ron asked on the disillusioned side.

Ann was shaken at the idea, but “I’m glad to hear that smart boy doesn’t do any of that. And so should you, Ron. He now has a holograph of Veronica, too, you know.”

“Mom, she’s not. Did Wade tell you Ron’s idea of Jessica Rabbit is not the one in the movies?”

“Oh, my. And she’s feeling compelled to be like those perversions?”

“Mom, why do you know about those versions of Jessica?”