Yes.

You could have tied the knot in my stomach to a F-16 fighter jet and it would stay grounded. Stephanie was staring intently in my eyes, trying to suss the truth out of me and I knew that if I gave her too much time to think about it and/or study my body language, she would probably figure out what I meant before long.

"No! That's not what I meant. Promise. I really don't know what I'm going to do" I said trying to play slightly neutral to hide most of the nervousness. I tried to think of something else to say to distract her, but her beautiful blue eyes were piercing into my soul and I couldn't break eye contact with her.

After the longest minute of my life, she broke her gaze and pondered thoughtfully while finishing her cheeseburger.

"If 'no one' would like your decision, then that rules out the possibility that you were even thinking of either Elizabeth, Corrine, or Amy. So in your mind you either saw Talia open that door or..."

"Or someone else," I interrupted.

Oh God. I prayed to all that was holy that some mighty distraction would somehow bring the entire room into chaos and break her train of thought. I wanted to run. But I knew if I did, her presumption would be correct. I needed to find a way to poke holes in her logic and lie that I didn't visualize her opening the door - beautiful and perfect.

"Ian - "

"Or something else to be more precise," I tried to chuckle and act like it was the truth. "I said no one would like it because I saw all five of you waiting by the door for me."

Stephanie frowned at this. It seemed my outburst and coy play on my obvious attraction to all of them seemed to cause her pause. It seemed like I was going to get off the hook. My fake smile faltered as she composed her thoughts with what she said next.

"No, you didn't."

The jig is up. Here we go. I could either continue the lie or just come clean. The knot in my stomach was now suitable for an entire fleet of fighter jets. My stomach was doing hula-hoops around my ass. Despite having just taken a sip of my drink, my throat was drier than the most remote part of the Atacama Desert.

I opened my mouth to try and say something deflective or just outright lie but all that came out was a whisper, "I never wanted this."

Stephanie's expression changed as she realized what I meant. She looked like she was in pain. "Ian... I thought we agreed. You know I want to go with Simon... You know you mean more to me than him." A tear began to well in her eye.

I decided I might as well get it all out. Everything just spilled out. "Stephanie, I know what I said. I'm sorry for feeling like I do. I can't control it - you like who you like. I can't get you out of my mind most days. I know we agreed it was supposed to be harmless fun for the sake of getting experience, but it became so much more than that for me. I pushed those feelings down and ignored them for you. I knew it would be too much too soon and I thought I would have enough time to figure it all out. I thought maybe some day you'd come around and feel the same way."

To her credit, Stephanie didn't play the drama queen this time. She just sat there with her hands in her lap, staring at the floor while infrequent tears sent streamers down her cheeks. I wanted to console her but thoughts of her seeking solace with Simon after this horrible meal just stirred my jealousy.

I continued, "This year of school has been the greatest of my life because of all five of you girls. I love you almost like sisters. Well, except you. Our time together morphed it into something else. I never wanted things to change. I keep telling myself everything is alright, but it isn't. This whole situation is pissing me off. The other girls helped distract me for a time, but it was't the same. I can't stand seeing you with Simon anymore. I never thought I would be that shitty guy that forces a girl to choose. I realize that putting you up to this choice isn't fair. But it wasn't fair for me falling in love with you either. We were each other's first lovers. That has to mean something, and to me it does - Stephanie, I am in love with you."

I felt like such a piece of shit. It was like I was submitting her to emotional **** by saying what I had said. For thinking what I had thought. For feeling like I did. Not that it was any better for me. I felt emotionally exhausted after gushing all my repressed feelings at the least appropriate time. If I really did mean more to her than Simon, the situation I was putting her in just a few weeks before prom was straight from the Asshole 101 guide.

Stephanie wiped her eye and stood up. She leaned down and gently cupped my chin, staring into my eyes. A glimmer of sadness in them. Whether for what was or what would be, I didn't know. After a moment she took her hand away and slapped me before picking up her trash and walking away.

My talk with Stephanie went about as horribly as anyone could have imagined. I spent the rest of the day sat in front of my TV in preparation for video games but never actually turned on the system. I just stared at the blank screen. The longer I sat there, the more I thought about Stephanie and the more I thought about Stephanie the longer I sat motionless trying to will my brain to turn off.

The parting slap told me all I needed to know about how this was going to play out. She would tell Elizabeth for sure and that would probably burn whatever bridge I had been building with her over spring break. But Stephanie would also likely tell the other girls what happened and then one of them would eventually take pity on me and **** me to ask them to prom.

Why did I have to spill my guts like that? One little Freudian slip and before I knew it Stephanie had almost sleuthed out the truth, but not before my emotions got the best of me and now it's all on the table. I got up off the couch and walked to the CD rack next to the TV. I picked out Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers and left it on repeat on track 4, Otherside. It seemed appropriate and I cranked up the volume and threw myself onto the floor playing air guitar. Don't get me wrong, I don't use **** and I'm not suicidal. But I was a sucker for the underlying "addiction" theme - I'm just addicted to Stephanie rather than heroin. That being said, with how I was feeling today, I was strongly considering calling Talia up and asking her to share some weed if it could help me take my mind off things.

Before I could follow through with the idea I heard the doorbell ring. I laid there contemplating whether or not to even bother. Like I said, I had expected one of the girls to check up on me once word got around what happened earlier. "Just let me wallow in my self-pity. I don't want anyone else's pity right now." I said to no one in particular. Two more rings and I begrudgingly picked myself up and walked to the door.

At first I only noticed Talia standing there in a tight tank top and Daisy Duke jean shorts. But as she stepped forward to come inside, I noticed Elizabeth had been essentially hiding in her shadow looking nervous. After all we had been through, I was surprised she was suddenly back to acting shy around me but then I realized Stephanie probably talked to her and now things were weird. Great...

"Hi, Ian," they said almost in unison.

"Come on in girls. What can I do for you?" I asked, feigning a much better mood than I had.

Talia took my hand and said, "You need to ask someone to prom."