Shit, it's her dad!

“What the—Amy?!” her dad’s angry, terrifying voice echoed through the whole house. I hurriedly pulled out of Amy and she spun around, eyes wide in fright. The one thing on earth that spooked Amy was her dad’s temper.

We were fucked. That’s all there was to it. Our clothes were scattered in a trail up the stairs and into her bedroom. We couldn’t get dressed, even if we wanted to. Our amazing, blissful fuck session from five seconds ago was instantly forgotten.

In a blind, irrational panic, Amy suggested, “You could go out the window! There’s a tree—“

She pulled back her curtains, revealing a backyard with a feeble, distant oak tree that taunted me with visions of a shattered spine.

“Amy, I’d die. And I’m naked. So I’d die naked. I don’t want to die naked.”

We suddenly heard Amy’s dad stomping up the staircase outside. Amy sprung to her feet, crossed the room in a blur, and slammed the door shut.

“Just a minute, dad!”

Outside, her dad must have started coming to his senses, because we heard the thunderous footsteps come to a halt at the top of the stairs. After a long, quiet moment, Amy’s dad muttered, “Goddammit, Amy,” and then turned back downstairs and out the front door, slamming it behind him.

Amy let out a long sigh and slumped naked onto her bed, visibly shaken by the near confrontation. I’d never seen her so scared before.

“It’ll be okay,” I offered, “Just a little awkward. It’s not like he thinks you’re still a virgin or anything.”

Amy tried to fight it with everything she had, but nonetheless tears welled up in her eyes. “Not in this house!” she snapped. “He said never in his house! It was really important to him. I just never thought that he’d…”

Her voice broke, prompting the girl to stop talking lest she break down into sobs. I hugged Amy close, something I had never been inclined to do before in my entire life. The girl NEVER cried.

“He’s just being a dad,” I whispered, “He doesn’t want to think about his little girl turning into a woman. That’s all it is. Just a little awkwardness.”

She shook her head against my shoulder. “He used to be so proud of me, came to every single game—but ever since I started having sex with guys he just acts so ashamed of me. He wanted me to wait until I was married. It’s bullshit! If I was a boy, he’d be all proud that I was getting laid. It’s like he expects me to be two different things!”

I ran my fingers through her long, red hair, letting her calm down in her own time. After a long while, she finally regained her composure:

“I can’t believe I’m fucking crying! What the hell is wrong with me?”

There was the old Amy, again. I couldn’t help but smile. “Nothing is wrong with you, Amy. Your dad’s still parenting in first gear, and he needs to shift to third. You’re just being you.”

She nodded, moving away from me to retrieve her bra. We both got dressed in silence. Amy suggested I head out before her dad got back, and I reluctantly agreed that it was probably for the best. The two of them needed to have a long, uncomfortable talk about some things.

I walked home half worried that Amy’s dad was gonna pop out of the bushes and Rodney King my ass into the pavement. But it was not to be. In fact, the next time I did see Amy’s dad, he was actually pretty cool towards me. Go figure. I guess the two of them managed to work out the awkwardness after I’d left.

Still, I was so distracted by the events of the day that I almost missed the big envelope waiting for me when I got home. It wasn’t until I saw the crazed, excited look in my mom’s eyes that it even registered what the thing was.

I had been accepted into my first choice for college: