"I understand."

After a long, deep breath, I assured her I understood completely and wished her well. I even tried to sound like I meant it. I walked to second period in a daze. I wouldn’t say I was heartbroken, or even jealous. I was just defeated. My blissful two weeks with Stephanie suddenly fell into perspective, and I felt empty. Insubstantial. A tasteless wafer of a man. Above all, I felt stupid for letting myself get so caught up in a relationship that I had known from the start entailed nothing deeper than “fooling around” with a friend.

On an emotional level, it was hard to accept that this was the way things were. I mean, Stephanie had let me inside her, literally. I couldn’t help but feel connected to her. And I couldn’t stop picturing the loving look in her eyes as we moved together that first time, our hearts beating like crazy.

Maybe I had just imagined that look. Seen what I wanted to see. Or maybe sex is never as simple as it’s supposed to be.

Between second and third period, Elizabeth reluctantly informed me that Stephanie’s decision meant she too would not be able to do “fun stuff” with me anymore, as it could lead to complicated feelings between her and her BFF. I curtly responded that, even if she was right, it still wasn’t fair to me. None of this was fair to me. Why did things have to change?

Elizabeth looked hurt by my brisk, irritated response, and she left me without a word. I kicked myself for being so short with her when all she wanted was to keep the peace.