[Humor]: “I take it you like my swimsuit too, Talia. Otherwise you wouldn’t have noticed.”

I could hear the other girls giggling, so I quickly shot back, “I take it you like my swimsuit too, Talia. Otherwise you wouldn’t have noticed.”

She turned red and hurried back to the patio table. I sat down to join them, happily adding, “I like ALL you girls’ suits. You know why? Because I have THESE.” I pointed at my eyeballs and everyone broke out laughing.

“It’s not fair, you know,” Stephanie said, “When a girl puts on a swimsuit everyone can see exactly what she has. If you’re self-conscious about your tummy, or your boobs, or your butt, or whatever—there’s nothing you can wear to hide it. Guys just wear big baggy shorts and there’s no way to know what he’s packing.”

“Trust me girls,” I said, “None of you has anything to be self-conscious about. You’re the five most beautiful women on earth and you all know it.”

I got a shower of boos in response. “That’s not the point!” Corrine laughed, “The point is, it’s not fair. You get to see us, but we don’t get to see you! Even when you’re hard it still just looks like a tent.”

“Are you saying you want me to wear a speedo or something? Because no thanks.”

Talia pulled the foot-long hot dog off Corrine’s plate and held it up to me, mischievous, “Here’s how we make it fair: You point out on this hot dog how big your thing is. But you have to tell the truth!”