The Settlement

"Ladies, I must meet with each of you individually first," I said. "I will meet with Haylee first. Gloria, go hang out in a ladies room stall until I send Haylee for you."

"Fine." Gloria got up and left.

"Haylee, you must be honest. If you lie, it'll go badly for you. Did you cheat on me?"

"Yes," she said meekly.

"If you go to court, you'll be ruined. Gloria is using you. Also, as you can see, she has lost her marbles. I mean, she's in her late 40s and dyed her hair purple and orange and is wearing it in pig tails, and dressed like teenage jailbait with no fashion sense."

"Oh my god, you're right. What should I do?"

"First, you'll sign a divorce settlment that says I owe you nothing. You can keep anything you owned befor the marriage, but nothing else, even clothes, but I'll take you on a shopping spree."

"Great!"

"Sleep, bitch!"

She went into a trance.

"Haylee, you know I'm taking it easy on you, and you'll love whatever clothing I pick out for you. You think the cheaper the clothing, the better it is as you can make inexpensive clothing look sexy. Also, if I humiliate you, you'll get horny. Wake."

Haylee woke up and blinked.

"Also," I continued as if nothing happened, "you'll need a job. You'll never get another office job, so maybe get a job as a stripper or a cocktail waitress at a strip club."

"Yeah, you're right."

"Also, every first and third Saturday, you will come to my house at 9 am dressed in the skimpiest, sluttiest French maid outfit you can find, knee pads - as you'll be cleaning the bathroom and kitchen floors on your hands and knees, and six inch spike heeled shoes. Now, let us seal the deal with anal sex."

"Anal?"

"Yes, the one thing you said you'd never do. Pull your panties down, skirt up and bend over the desk."