Runaround Sue

You walk down the lane in the direction of the clinic and return the smile and nod of just about everyone you pass. One thing you can't help but notice is how peaceful and content people look here, but maybe that isn't so surprising as it feels like an almost impossibly idyllic place to reside. If you remain in Primrose Lane for too long you fear it will spoil wherever it is that you actually come from, assuming you ever manage to return there.

Most people appear happy to politely let you get on with your day, until someone makes a beeline for you - a woman who is perhaps in her late thirties and just as immaculately presented as everyone else in the lane seems to be. She is highly attractive, which is already starting to feel like the norm around here to the point it is almost to be expected. She scurries over to her clean white fence just in time to catch you before you pass it.

"Excuse me, sir?"

Naturally you stop top hear what she has to say.

"Aren't you that poor boy they found out cold on the street? The one the Benson's were looking after?"

"That's me" you nod "Chuck David, pleased to meet you!"

"Goodness gracious what a relief that you're okay!" she clutches her hand to her bosom as she talks "And it's a pleasure to meet you Chuck! I'm Susan Atkinson, though you can call me Sue!"

"Well, it's great to meet you too Sue!"

"You'll have to stop by and have a coffee with me sometime. I can fill you in on all the local gossip. I would certainly treasure the company. My husband has been away with the army for some time now, you see. It does get rather lonely rattling around on my own in this big old house of mine."

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Sue"

"It's just that a woman has certain needs that only a man can fulfil, especially a big strapping lad like yourself."

"Right"

Fuck, these people are forward.

"I'm talking about little jobs around the house, you understand. Heavy lifting, fixing things, the kind of chores that require a man's touch. Some of the other fellas in town have tried to fill in for my husband while he's away, but none of them have quite got what I'm looking for. You though, well let's say I have a great feeling about you already, and my gut rarely wrong."

"Well, sure" the happy medium here is to try and be a good neighbour without straying into fucking a soldiers wife "I'd be happy to lend a hand if you need me to."

"Oh, that would be wonderful, Chuck!" she gasps with near joyous enthusiasm "I'm afraid I can't offer you money, but I'm sure there are plenty of other ways I can repay you."

"Mom, stop trying to seduce the new guy"

Damn, now a super hot cheer leader, dressed in full uniform, has come wandering over to you.

"You're probably twice his age. He's only humouring you to be polite"

"Listen to my daughter!" Sue raises her eyebrows and shakes her head "Barely turned eighteen and thinks she knows it all!"

"I'm a full grown woman!" the cheerleader chick assures you, and you can clearly see that for yourself "And it's really nice to meet you. I'm Suzy."

"Oh. Suzy and Sue?"

"Yeah, it's pretty silly" the Junior Susan shrugs "But it wasn't my idea to call myself that. Anyway, rather than what my dear old mother has in mind, you should head up to my bedroom with me so I can show you some of my best moves."

"Uh..."

"Suzy is the head of the cheer leading team at the local college" her mother explains "And you might also be interested to know she has a boyfriend."

"So?!" Suzy tuts and rolls her eyes in annoyance "It's not like Jack can stop me from doing whatever I want. Besides, he barely counts as my boyfriend, and even if he did I could just ditch him if I met a guy I liked more. It's not like when you're married to someone."

Even with your advanced state of amnesia, you feel sure you would remember if you'd ever had a sexy mother and daughter fighting over you before. Now it's happened on consecutive days. As hot as that might be, you feel like you are getting into the middle of something here that it is probably best to extract yourself from.

"It's been lovely talking to you ladies, but I really have to get going now."

"Don't be a stranger!" Sue implores you.

"You can call for me any time you feel like having some fun!" Suzy offers.

You decide to head straight to the doctors to get your head examined before you get sidetracked by anyone else. You are starting to feel like you must be hallucinating at least some of this crazy shit.